Wednesday, July 24, 2013

New swimsuit Pic, and could Bariatric Betty be losing more??? Obsessing about weight.

I may be losing more weight, at 17 months post-op.  It is boggling my mind.  For the last 8 months my weight has been stable for the most part.  I went well past my goal and hit a one day low of 140.6 (my goal was to be in the 150s, and dream weight was to be in the 140s).  My weight then seemed to stabilize at 142 and except for my flirtation with some compulsive popcorn consumption adding 5 pounds temporarily, it has stayed there.  A couple days after I stopped eating popcorn and I was already back down to 145.  Another month later and I was down to 143.  Last month I was back to 142 and happy, lesson learned.

I usually weigh myself daily knowing that fluctuations happen, and not taking the number to seriously.  I can be up to 144 pounds depending on how much salt and carbs I have had in the past day, as well as where I am in my cycle.  One of the funniest things I have found is that the day before my cycle, I actually drop 1 to 2 pounds for a period of a day or two.  And all these years I thought I gained weight when I was PMS-ing!  So last week I had already had my PMS drop and seen 141 pounds.  Then my cycle started and I was back to 142.  A couple days later, and I was 140.6 - Hey, long time no see!  Weird, this would not be when I would expect to see my all-time low again.  Imagine my surprise on Friday when I weighed myself and saw 140.4!

OK, I know this is silly, it's 0.2 pounds lower than my previous low.  And the numbers shouldn't have such a big impact on me.  There is a lot of fluctuation and I wouldn't be mad for going up 0.2 pounds, so why did it cause this illogical feeling of glee that I had a new low??? 

I weighed myself several times and got the same reading.  Then I checked my body composition meter, and it has stayed stable.  I haven't been running much with the heat, more walking and swimming, so I thought maybe I had lost muscle.  But if my body fat percentage is about the same, then if I lost muscle I also lost some fat.  Hmmmm. 

Then I thought about the last couple months.  Other than cutting out the popcorn I have decreased my intake a little because of the decrease in running/ burning calories.  Maybe my body isn't at it's new set-point?  Maybe there is room for some more loss?  I don't know.  My doctors say I'm at a healthy weight, I feel healthy and happy.  I don't need to lose any more weight.  On the other hand, I am at the top of the healthy range, so it wouldn't hurt me if I lost a bit more. 

Meanwhile, my new bathing suit came I from Lands End.  I tried ordering tankini seperates to help with the fact that my lower half is a very different size that my upper half.  The lower half is a high-waisted control top skirt, so it smooths out some of the folds and flaps nicely.  If you are self conscious about your middle, I highly recommend it.  The top is their D-cup underwire, which actually contains the girls, saggy and prone to floating as they are.  Again, recommended by me for endowed post-ops.  Here's the pic.

In comparison, here is a picture of me pre-op in a bathing suit (25 pounds already lost) and then about 9 months post op, already pretty close to my goal (but maybe not final) weight. 

Now it's a couple of days later and I'm hovering around 140.6 - 141.0.  So, what does this all mean?  It means that maybe I shouldn't just worry about not gaining.  It means that maybe I will lose more, and I should be open to that.  Either way, I'm going to keep working my program, following the rules.  1) No drinking with meals or for one hour after.  2) Eat protein first, trying to get in 20 grams at each meal.  3) No liquid calories (alcohol, milk, ice cream, soup, etc.) and 4) Eat meals within 20 minutes, no grazing and only eat until I'm full. 

Where am I headed?  Forward, never back.  I have bad days, I give in to old habits occasionally.  I am not perfect and never will be.  I commit to staying healthy, to making the best choices I can.  It requires a lot of time and energy to keep my new lifestyle, but it is worth it.  To all my friends and family who support me and my unusual needs - I thank you.  I couldn't do this without you.  To all the WLS friends out there who read my blog, we're in this together.  You inspire me.