Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Truths! Birthdays, Graduation, and pics

I'm really trying to stay honest, and embrace the truth even when it hurts.  Here's my latest confession - I love butter/ margarine.  This is embarrassing - but I've loved it since I was a child.  My mom tells about me climbing out of my highchair and onto the thanksgiving table to sit down and chew on a stick of butter at my grandmother's while everybody was in the kitchen when I was 15 months old.  I used to stick my finger into the tub of margarine and scoop out a little once in a while as a kid.  As I grew up I grew out of it - or should I say changed things I liked to eat that weren't good for me. 

Since my surgery, really in the last couple months, I have rediscovered my taste for margarine.  That sounds gross doesn't it?  I think part of it is craving fat - which even with a tablespoon or two of margarine a day my consumption stays low (yes, I have been logging it).  That melt-in-your mouth feeling is part of it.  There lies a truth - if it melts in your mouth, it's liquid calories - a BIG NO-NO and major rule breaking.  So, just like I had to make a big change when I realized I was starting to compulsively eat popcorn, I'm going to have to make a big change here.  No more buying tubs of margarine.  I will buy sticks of butter, which I have no craving for, whatsoever.  Logical?  Of course not - it's a crazy psych thing.  Oh the webs our tricky brains weave.  I can use sticks of butter for everything cooking-wise that I use tubs for, and not be tempted.  Yesterday I threw out the tub that was in my fridge.  Wonder what the next thing is my brain will try to tempt me with...

On to a more positive truth - I got my new driver's license!  The truth part is that I actually put my REAL weight on the license for the first time in my life.  Not even my lowest weight, but the pound higher that I was on the day I renewed it.  I thought I needed to renew it by my birthday but it turns out I didn't have to renew it until next year.  Yeah, it was written right on the license, I know... But I decided to renew it early because I don't look like my license anymore.  And I'm 50 pounds lighter than the LIE I had on my old license.  But I took pictures of my old and new license (with all the potential identity theft info blocked out) for memories sake (and this blog). 

OK, so that's my old license.  I listed my weight at 190, which was 53 less than I weighed at my highest.  When the picture was taken I might have been 235.  I remember being relatively happy with the picture, because it only showed two chins.  I spent a lot of time on my hair and makeup that day, too. 

... and here's my new one!  I LOVE looking at those two pictures next to each other.  An added bonus is that people will actually believe it's my I.D. when I am asked to show it :) 

I still think that they should just have a digital scale built into the floor at the license bureau.  That way when you step up for your turn it would automatically weigh you and the they wouldn't have to ask your weight.  It's embarrassing for the average person to say their weight out loud to someone, and mortifying for the obese.  Plus, it's not like most people tell the truth!  Heaven forbid something had happened to me two years ago and they found my body.  I can see them saying "Oh, this probably isn't her, she's much heavier than the person we're looking for..." 

My birthday is in two days, and my mom offered to come spend the morning with me for a "girl's day" - something we used to do when I was little, and have tried to make time for occasionally now that I'm a grownup.  I asked my boys (10 and 13) for the birthday present of them watching themselves (without killing and bugging each other) for a few hours for my birthday present.  My mom is going to come and go on a nice long walk with me and my dogs.  Then she's going to come with me to a jewelry store.  All of my rings are WAY to big.  I'm guessing I'm wearing a 6 1/2 now - my old rings are 8 1/2.  I don't feel the need to spend the money to resize everything, but I've been wrapping medical tape around my wedding band and engagement ring for over a year now and want to get that done!  I'm thinking about instead of having several rings resized I would look at combining stones into a new setting.  I have no idea how much that will be, but want to explore options and get a sense of how much money I will have to save up.  Then we might go to a bookstore and browse...aaaah, the luxury of doing that without having the kids interrupt me twenty times.

I got an email this morning inviting me to my Center for Bariatric Surgery graduation!  In our program, if you have met your goal and kept it off for over a year, you are invited to that year's graduation party.  It's a formal event at a really nice hotel, and will be happening in October.  The only sad thing is that my surgeon has left the practice.  So I'm sad that when I walk across the stage with a slide show of my before and after pcitures I won't get to shake Dr. Ben-Meir's hand.  :( But, I'm really excited to be in the graduating class of 2013.  I need to start looking for an AWESOME dress.  Oh, and saving up for it, too.