Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Bariatric Betty gets the blahs & considers Dolly Parton's wardrobe choices

No energy.  No drive.  I hate days like this.  I feel like I just ran a marathon or something yesterday and my body is recovering.  No such thing - I just walked the dog and mowed the lawn.  Today I forced myself to walk the dog for 20 minutes, ran a couple loads of laundry, and picked up a few things from the grocery store, but can't stop thinking about what I haven't done.  No strength training, no elliptical, no cleaning. 

Earlier this week I was doing great - I got to go to my first local WLS support group meeting and met several wonderful women.  They were super excited for me, and I loved having that jaw-dropping sensation of seeing their before pictures and then looking at them now.  They had good advice, and asked me all about myself and my plans.  It's hard to have a bad time when you have a room of women all wanting to get to know you.  I felt like I was going through sorority rush again :) 

I also took advantage of our Budget Bin sale - our suburb's PTA groups organize essentially a big community garage sale.  Most of it is consignment where the donors get half of the money back, and the other half goes to scholarships for graduating seniors.  On the last day of the sale they have Bag Day.  I paid $15 for three bags full of clothes.  About a third of them were potentially for me - pants in descending sizes (I'm currently an 18, so I bought 16s, 14s, 12s, and even two 10s).  I also got several tops and sweaters from Apartment 9, Jones New York, and Liz Claiborne (LOVE her).  Those I just got in Larges (I currently wear 2xl so that is a big difference).   Luckily, the support group ladies warned me that I will get cold (I am NEVER cold now) and that I will need things like sweaters.  I also got a Liz Claiborne coat.  Not bad for $5! 

It has been so long since I bought nice clothes.  It really struck me as I looked at the labels - I have been living in Target and Walmart's plus sections for the last couple years.  I've never been a fashionista, but these past couple years I just gave up.  You just can't FIND many beautiful clothes in plus sizes.  It's frustrating.  I would love to have flattering clothing.  With a style.  With structure.  Instead I end up wearing t-shirts and jeans, t-shirts and shorts, or (gasp) t-shirts and yoga/ workout pants.  Some department stores sell plus size clothing that looks OK on a plus size manequin, but when you try it on you realize it looked good on the manequin because the dummy has a flat stomach and is still only a size 12. 

Then I started thinking about what I will wear when I enter One-derland (under 200 lbs).  When I'm normal sized.  It started to be fun, until I remembered what it was like trying to find clothing when I was "normal" sized for a year by starving myself as a teenager.  At 115 pounds I was still a size 10 on the bottom, and a 14 on the top.  I have a hard time believing that I will get any smaller than that (although some of my new support group think I will).  But I remember trying to find clothing that was big enough on top and fit on the bottom that didn't make me look like a hooker.... it wasn't easy.  At one point my mom suggested I write Dolly Parton to ask where she gets her clothing.  NOT KIDDING.  Nobody in my family likes country music, or a lot of bling (remember the tie-dyed onesie?) - but that was the best my mom could come up with when we were looking for a prom dress.  Or when she told me that I shouldn't buy the sporty bikini "until I lost a few more pounds and firmed up my tummy".  

Well, those memories will always be there (and painful), but the thing I have to remember is that I'm not getting the surgery to fit into nice clothes.  And that even if I had the body for it, I wouldn't EVER wear a bikini in public at 41.  I'm doing it so I will no longer be diabetic.  So I will be healthy and live for a long time to watch my kids grow up into wonderful men like their father.  So I will energy to work and play more and enjoy life so much more.  I will now re-read this paragraph three times to fix it in my head...

The myth of the perfect body is just that.  I see and hear beautiful women stressing about parts of their body all the time.  Some women are larger on bottom.  Some are top heavy like myself.  Some have it equally distributed but no chest.  Some have broad shoulders.   The fact is that those airbrushed photos and body doubles in movies are toxic to people with poor body images.  Just this week I saw a tiny woman worrying about a little muffin top that you could barely see - and only when she sat down.  Um, everyone has a little something when they sit down - even models.  But to her, this is a very real concern.  She is dealing with having trouble getting a comfortable fit in clothing, and after losing over a hundred pounds she has a right to want to look good to herself.  Please God, let me accept myself and be pleased with how I look a year from now.  Even if I have batwings, deflated breasts and am not yet at goal.  I will keep my before pictures.  I will keep some of my before clothing.  I will remember where I have come from and say "I am in a better place."

I'm continuing to lose 1- 11/2 pounds a week, and MOST days I'm pretty active as well as adhering to the diet.    I'll shake of the blahs off tomorrow and be back to my normal positive self.  I hope I have less of these days when I am healthier.  Of course, I also hope by then I won't need medications for my depression any more - but I'll take that until a doctor tells me to stop.  Having a blah day is one thing, having non-functional days are another. 

Friday, October 21, 2011

Bariatric Betty sells her past and her deals with her lying scale

In my former life, I was very active with my sorority.  Many who know me find this amusing, because I was raised by liberal/ hippie parents (brought home from the hospital in a tie-died onesie, no less) and tend to agree with liberals in general.  I also tend to dress super casual and wear little to no makeup on most days.  But it's true.  I love my sorority - Phi Mu - and have served it in many ways over the years.  When I was in college I found that the stereotypes of sororities were false; the women were intelligent, down to earth, and willing to live by stricter rules than the rest of the college students while donating their time and money to local children's hospitals.  What's not to love?  After I graduated I traveled for a year representing the sorority as a chapter consultant.  I supervised and reported on dozens of collegiate chapters and advised them on risk management, recruitment, scholarship, and philanthropy among other things.  Was I skinny?  No.  I was overweight, but nicely put together and with the attitude that I could make a difference in women's lives.  And I did - it was fabulous.  After my term was up, I decided to serve in a different way (I missed having my own home during a 100% travel position).  I was appointed the National Music Chair, which I LOVED.  I have always sung, and apparently word spread of my teaching women to sing while I traveled.  I attended local and national conferences, created choir programs and directed performances.  Later I served for years as a local officer, supervising collegiate chapters (mostly from afar) but still attending conferences and conventions.  As a result I have accumulated a LARGE wardrobe of suits, semiformal, and formal dresses over the years.  Not only because of the number of teas, balls, and conference sessions I have attended, but because of my fluctuating sizes. 

I ended up resigning as an officer of the sorority mostly because of the overwhelming needs of my special needs son at the time.  But I have to be honest, part of it was because of my weight.  I had less and less energy, and dressing up was getting more and more difficult.  Trying to find semi-formal and formal dresses as a 5'2" size 22 was difficult.  Forget attractive, it was just finding things that fit and didn't break my bank account.  So the dresses and suits have gathered dust for the last 5-6 years in my closet.  I donated some of them when I moved about a year ago.  The rest I hung onto for sentimental reasons, and because I thought - someday I might need them. 

No more.  When our local PTAs held their fall community garage sale, I purged my closet.  50% of everything sold goes back to the consigners, and the rest goes to PTA scholarships for graduating seniors.  Best of all, anything not purchased is donated.  So many plus size women will be getting some new outfits - maybe for job interviews, maybe for nights out or weddings.  Mostly, it's me letting go of what was.  I would like to volunteer for my sorority again, and when I weigh less I will have more energy to do so - plus have more fun getting dressed up for parts of it.  I only kept two dresses and one suit.  All are smaller sizes than I current wear, and ones that I actually felt pretty in when I wore them.  6 months after surgery I'll get rid of them too, or take them to the tailor.  The day before surgery I will be donating 90% of my "fat clothes" - only keeping enough to wear for the first month.  And meanwhile I'm buying smaller pants in assorted signs at the same sale - an idea I got from one of the WLS support groups on facebook.  They suggested getting some at garage sales since I will be changing sizes so quickly - you don't want to invest much until you stabilize.  I'm letting go of my obese past - and using the money I get for clothes for my healthy future.

My lying scale.  Ughh.  I look forward to stepping onto my scale every morning.  Nothing in my stomach, I've used the bathroom, I'm only wearing pjs.  This is the lightest I will be all day.  I usually weigh myself and then step back on holding my shoes (which are 1 1/2 pounds).  Here's the thing, when I was weighed at the doctor's office I didn't have my shoes on but it was 5pm.  And it said I weighed 5 more pounds than I did that morning WITH shoes.  Phbbbblltttt.  That's harsh.  I know that you are always heavier later in the day, but ouch.  So I don't trust my scale, even though it is pretty new.  I add 2 pounds onto the weight I get in the morning with my shoes before I record it in log, because I don't want to have a bad surprise when I go back to the surgeon's office.  And I don't want them to look at my log and say "Hmmmm, you say you lost x pounds, but you also say you weight 5 pounds less than you do."  OK, would they do that?  I doubt it.  But it's my insecurity talking.  So I call my scale a liar, add two pounds before logging my weight, and just feel happy when  the number goes down.  And when my clothes fit better.  And when I get a complement.  :)

Lastly, I had to do a drawing project with my kids.  No matter how well I thought I had explained the operation to them, they kept thinking I would come home from the hospital skinny.  I wish!  So we traced my torso on posterboard, and then I drew in all the relevant internal organs.  I showed them the incisions that would be made, and how my Roux-en-Y bypass would rearrange things.  Then I said "When I come home, this outside line tracing my body will still be the same.  The surgery will not take fat away.  The outline will get smaller as I diet after surgery - the surgery just helps me not feel so hungry and lose weight faster."  Then they said "So, in a couple weeks you'll be skinnier".  Uhhhh, no.  "In a couple weeks I'll weigh less but still be obese.  In a couple months I won't be obese, I'll just be overweight., and in a couple of years I should be really healthy."  We'll see if the info sticks this time.  And I'm keeping the posterboard - because 6 months after surgery I want them to trace me again with a different color marker - so I can see how far I've come!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Bariatric Betty meets with her surgeon, babbles, and bakes

Whew!  This last week was super busy, and the biggest best news was that I had my first appointment with my surgeon on Thursday.  Unfortunately, he was delayed by surgery, but that's fine with me - I would want him to take his time if it was me on the table!  That's how he keeps his complication rates so low.  Anyway, I got to chat with some other women who were waiting for their first appointments in the waiting room, so it was a win-win. 

He was incredibly friendly, open, and gave me as much time as I wanted to talk about the procedure and answer questions for me.  He says that he think that the RNY (rous-en-Y) gastric bypass is a great choice for me, and that just by the questions I asked he's sure I'm going to do well.  I was so nervous until he said that (like my systolic BP was 35 higher than normal, nervous).  He laughed and said they do that to everyone!  I was so worried that there would be something that made him think I was a poor candidate!!!  I was also worried about my blood sugar during and after the operation.  I've had some hypoglycemic episodes, and even though I know I will likely not be diabetic within a couple of days of surgery I'm really worried about them (or god forbid diabetic coma).  He reassured me that they will be monitoring my blood sugar during surgery, and will keep it slightly high rather than risk it going too low.  If I am on insulin at the end of the surgery then I will recover in ICU so that it is being checked constantly.  If not, then his partner that handles the inpatient care will continue to monitor and adjust my meds as needed until discharge.  I feel so reassured.  Here's the funny part - I asked when I should come back, and he said - as soon as your insurance approves you!  I don't need to see him again until after my 90 day diet is completed, the packet is submitted to my insurance, and they call me to set up the surgery date and pre-op tests! 

I have to give thanks for all my friends and family supporting me, but I especially want to thank my non-bariatric friends.  I have become self-obsessed with this.  I'm thinking about the surgery almost constantly - am I following the supervised diet well, did I do my exercises yet for the day, try not drinking while eating...  And my conversations include advice and stories from my dietician, trainer, psych, and even fellow bariatric patients and veterans.  My family is even taste-testing the Nectar protein powders with me.  My friends are learning more than they ever wanted to know about weight loss surgery, and I can't thank them enough for listening to me.  I promise I will try to remember to talk about other things and remember to ask about YOUR lives more. I was just visiting in Central Ohio for a few hours yesterday and was so grateful that I had the chance to talk to some of my friends who are so supportive.   Even knowing that others are reading this blog gives me a sense of a whole global community supporting me.  Who knew that I would have readers in 5 countries????

Now, for those who have not known me for long, there is something I need to tell you.  I bake.  A lot.  I love the act of baking - it appeals to the chemistry major in me.  Creating fun and delicious things that people enjoy.  I love sharing them - most of my long time friends are used to receiving cookie platters for Christmas and Hanukkah.  I even make some rocking gluten free cookies good for celiacs and during Passover.  It makes my day to hear that people enjoy my cookies, and it makes my year when a child asks "When are we getting your cookies again?"  Yesterday I saw a boy I haven't seen for over a year and as he ran by he stopped, pointed at me and said "LOVE your cookies!" and then took off again.  It's also quite a family tradition.  Growing up we always decorated our christmas tree with cookies, and now I put gingerbread on ours.  On new years even we invite friends, family, and kids from my children's classes to come and have a cookie party.  I have even been indoctrinated into the sacred order of Poticia makers (slovenian nut rolls).  Using family recipies is so much fun - and sometimes humorous; "You must use butter.  If you don't want to use butter, please do not make poticia.  If you use margarine the angry ghost of old slovenian women will haunt you!"  Did you know that you have to roll out the dough thin enough that you can see the print from a table cloth through it?  Paper thin.  What a sense of accomplishment when after 24 hours of work they come out well! 

So how am I going to balance diet and baking?  It's actually not impossible.  I start baking things for the holiday now and then put them in a downstair freezer.  I have baked while on Nutrisystem and Weightwatchers, and usually chewing gum while I'm baking is all I needed to get through it.  Then I let myself try a small piece of something when it's done (and count it in my food diary/ balancing it with exercise).  Next year I won't be able to have that small taste - but it will be SO WORTH IT.  And I won't be bringing any platters to my support group - sorry but I don't want to sabotage anyone!  In a couple of years when I'm at goal, maintaining, and not in danger of craving too much, I'll let myself have a bite or two.  If I'm not feeling full :)  I can't wait to feel full!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Bariatric Betty becomes a better juggler

Moms are used to multi-tasking.  It's our life. And often we give up things we enjoy to be the family taxi driver, playdate arranger, tutor, soccer and football coach.  Many give up social time with friends.  But being obese, I gave that up long ago.  I just don't have the energy to "go out with the girls" after a long day.  After walking the dog, exercising, doing dishes, laundry, and meals I am exhausted.  The house is always a mess.  I try to tackle the kitchen floors one day, the dining room table another, but it's tiring and as soon as I'm done it starts getting messy again.  I volunteer with the PTA, and try to meet a friend or my husband for lunch occasionally.  Going to evening soccer practice or football games the kids are in is something I make a priority, but otherwise I will often choose to stay at home. 

I know that I've given up more than social time over the years - I've given up time that I should have been getting healthier.  Some of that time I spent eating the non-healthy foods that helped get me here.  Some I spent sleeping to make up for interrupted sleep at night.  Some I spent taking my son to OT, PT, and speech therapy appointments.  Some of that needed to happen.  Some didn't. 

So now I need to use all that time I didn't use, but there's no savings account that has kept it for me.  Yesterday I met with my trainer for the first time who came up with a great strength training program to add to my cardio and will be documenting my exercise program for the insurance company.  Last night I missed a football game of my son's so I could use the elliptical and do dishes.  Tonight I'll take him to another football game while my husband takes my other son to his soccer practice.  Tomorrow I have my first pre-op educational class at Hospital C, which starts at 5:30pm.  My husband is already taking off work early on Thursday so I can make my 4pm appointment with the surgeon (yay!) and his team.  So I called in a favor with a friend who will pick up one son after school and take him to his Wednesday 4-5 kickball and then back to her house.  I'll get my other son to my husband's work at five and go to the class from there, and my husband will pick up my other son on the way home.  Friday, the day after the pre-op educational class, the kids are off school and we are all traveling back to Central Ohio for part of the day so my husband can have his rheumatology appointment and the kids can visit old friends. 

Did you actually read all that?  Just typing it makes me feel dizzy.  Busy.  Busy busy busy.  I feel like my life is one of those garbage bags that those garbage back they advertise that you can just keep stuffing more stuff in because it will STRETCH.  And my life WILL stretch, because I will make it. 

So now I need to work in 1/2 hour of strength training three days a week.  That actually shouldn't be too bad.  It's the appointments that throw me for a loop - traveling all over town to check in with different specialists. 

However, this is bringing up guilt (how can I miss my son's game and just stay home?) and concern (when and how will I be able to eat dinner before the game so that I don't crash blood-sugar wise?).  And I think about what it is going to be like around surgery time, with more appointments, going in for labs, x-rays, and then the hospital stay and recovery.  My mom has offerred to come over to help for a few days, which is wonderful - but three days is about our limit.  We love each other to death, but both of us being strong willed with different styles starts to grate on her nerves and she starts missing my dad too much. 

I've decided that I'm going to have to get some structure set up a couple weeks before surgery so that things don't start getting derailed by everyday needs when I'm gone or not yet functional.  First of all - the boys will need to start making their own breakfast.  They can do it, it HAS happened before.  Yet somehow every morning they expect it to be made for them.  On the weekend when I really try to encourage them to do it they often say "It's ok, I'll just wait until you have time."  Time for them to put their big boy pants on.  At 8 and 11 they are perfectly capable of using the toaster or the microwave, and pouring something in bowls and glasses.  They are going to have to help with laundry - one load a day is needed to keep up with our family of four.  One of them can gather and start the laundry, and the other can flip it and bring it back up.  I should be able to fold.  And if I take it slow I should be able to get dinner together.  My husband will have to shoulder taxi duty for a while, and get the kid's lunches made for about a week. 

I have to keep telling myself that this is all worth it.  Because if I don't get rid of the diabetes and obesity, I won't be around  for the long haul with any of them.  I need to do this for me - but I also want to do it for them.  Missing some moments now should help me be able to have years more with them later.  Having others help me with chores and other things now will be paid back in spades when I have energy to do more when I've lost weight.  My family is supportive.  I know my husband will do anything he can to make sure this surgery happens - he has seen me have laproscopic surgery for ovarian cysts and my gall bladder before, so he's not even that worried about it.  He knows this is going to be so good for me.  But when the kids start whining, or complaining, I'm going to have to be strong and remember.  Stretch.  Ask for help.  It is worth it.  Keep juggling, don't give up.  And get started on that Saturn halloween costume!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Bariatric Betty gets shrunk

Well, this week I took my MMPI.  I told one of my friends before hand that I hope it didn't show that I was any crazier than I already knew I am! That was no joke - with my depression and PTSD, I don't expect a totally clean report.  I did joke with her that I was hoping my other 15 personalities kept quiet enough for me to focus on the test.  She said if they spoke up, just promise them a donut to keep quiet.  I love having a friend who's already had bariatric surgery.  She can say something like that and I KNOW that she is totally behind me. 

Before I started the test, my designated psychologist for the insurance documentation collected my co-pay.  He told me to take my time, and I assumed it would take about 2 hours.  Instead, 1 hour and 567 true and false questions later I was done.  If any of you have not yet taken the MMPI, it's alternatingly funny and sad.  It has statements like "I believe that spirits and/or demons control me" immediately followed by "I would like to be a singer".  Several times I read questions that made me wonder.  For instance when comparing "I would enjoy covering the theater as a journalist" and "I would enjoy covering sports as a journalist", what exactly are they differentiating?  Is there a condition that excludes theater appreciation?  Or is sports counter-indicative of another? 

When they ask "I sometimes lie to others" - don't you feel like it's a trap?  Who hasn't told at least a white lie to spare someone's feelings?  So you answer yes.  Unless you are a pathologically liar, in which case you would answer no.  Unless you are also an attention seeker - which I would imagine most pathological liars are - so you would answer yes. 

Here's what I think.  I think they should add two more questions. First, "I spent time thinking about possible reasons for different responses to these questions while taking this test".  Then, "I skipped at least one question accidentally and had to go back and correct my answers".  Hmmmmm, maybe my results will indicate I'm borderline obsessive compulsive? 

When I finished, the psychologist said "OK, so it will take me a couple weeks to write up a report, and then I'll send it to Diane at Hospital C".  Fine.  So I asked "When should I come back?" and he looked at me blankly for a moment before saying "Well, you don't have to.  Unless you want to come back?"  Huh.  I guess this guy is not part of my new lifetime commitment to a bariatric program - luckily Hospital C has their own that I can consult with forever if needed, I guess.  I ended up telling him that maybe after he reviewed the results if he felt that there was anything that would be useful for me to know from the results he could let me know and I would make an appointment.  No wonder he collects the co-pays up front - he doesn't think he's going to see you again! 

I also discovered something wonderful this past week.  Facebook has private groups for weight loss surgery patients and veterans.  Some of these veterans have over 10 years and hundreds of pounds lost under ther belt!  So I joined two lists and can ask other questions without all of my friends seeing them.  I also found several other blogs of current and past bariatric patients that I really enjoy.  Seeing the pictures of before and after is just amazing.  It inspires me to see that so many have taken this tool and used it to change their lives so completely. 

I have told several friends about my plans to have bariatric surgery, but I still feel hesitant to make it common knowledge.  It's hard enough to discuss it with friends who don't understand the committment involved, let alone having people I haven't seen since high school or relatives that I have nothing in common with question me.  They can ask when they see me in a few years and wonder why I look so good! 

This week should be fun!  I have my first meeting with my physical trainer, my first pre-op support group/ education session, and my first meeting with my surgeon and his team!!!  I guess I'm a little excited - too many exclamation marks :)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Bariatric Betty looks at Sticks and Stones

...but names will never hurt me.  Right.  I am confident that every person on this planet has been teased, tormented, or verbally abused at some point or another.  And we all know it hurts. 

Being overweight seems to attract insults like a magnet.  Somehow our society thinks it's acceptable to laugh at someones weight,and some even call them names to their faces.  I have always hated the train of thought that says people need to develop thicker skin, or take it as encouragement to make a change in their lives.  Yes, there is definitely something positive about being able to assimilate into society and it's standards.  But why is it so hard to accept someone overweight? 

I think that many people continue to think that people are fat because they are lazy.  Or stupid.  That we don't know that eating too much and exercising too little makes us fat - or that we don't care.  Don't they understand that nobody WANTS to be fat?  That all of us have dieted.  We have all lost weight.  And most of us have gained it back.  Plus more.  That many of us would remain overweight if we even ate just the 1800 calories in the USDA recommendations.  In the case of those of us looking at bariatric surgery, we will be committing ourselves to eating under 1000 calories for 1-2 years.  And even later, we will probably not eat more than 1300 calories for the rest of our lives.  That doesn't seem so simple, does it?

I think what really bothers me is that people make judgements about others without having a clue about them.  Do they know that you've been exercising every day for the last month?   Or that you are losing a pound every week?  Or that you are going to have surgery to try and have success for the first time in your life by sacrificing your diet, your time, your money, and addressing your deepest issues.  No, they make assumptions based on your appearance that you are less worthy of their respect and kindness.

This reminds me of a story I read a long time ago.  Paraphrasing to the best of my memory:  It was about a man riding home on the train or bus.  Some kids were running loose; screaming, laughing, and falling into other passengers.  Through it all, he notices that the father is sitting there, doing nothing about their poor behavior.  Eventually the father catches the upset look and quietly says "I'm so sorry, I know I should tell them to sit down and be quiet.  But you see, we've spent the whole day at the hospital with their mother.  She's dying.  And after they were quiet all day with her, I just don't have it in me to be mad at them and tell them to be quiet again."  I've always remembered that story - that we DON'T know the story behind other people.  What they gone through.  What they are going through right now. 

Instead of being viewing fat people as funny, disgusting, or sad - think of them as brave.  Every step they take uses more energy than a healthy person's step.  They have frequently gone to work or bed hungry even with food in the house, in hopes they could be healthier the next day.  Their brain has different reactions to even images or descriptions of food - behaving much like an addict's brain when it is on drugs.  Those of  us who have considered or gotten weight loss surgery like a gastric bypass have risked our lives with major surgery to get healthy.  Most of us would probably consider brain surgery if it could cure obesity. 

Instead, look at us and somewhere inside you, think "Good Luck". 

And if that doesn't make sense, think of it this way.  Most of the adults in the U.S. are at least overweight now, and unfortunately more are gaining weight all the time.  Hope it won't include you and your loved ones.  Or that one of us doesn't sit on you ;)

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Bariatric Betty gets down to business

OK, 1 week into my 90 day medically supervised diet, and I may have lost 1.6 pounds.  I say may, because my weight does tend to fluctuate a pound or so daily, so it might be less (I decided to lose my lowest reading).  The has been pretty easy to use, although unfortunately it doesn't give my "friends" a blow by blow of what I've eaten, it just says how much I've exercised and if my day was over or under my calorie goal.  But, it did let me print out a very detailed report of everything.  So far I've been under each day, but I'm only on day 8 :) 

Yesterday I had my first appointment with my psychologist and the nutritionist for the medically supervised diet.  Both seem to have a good sense of humor - that helps.  I go back to the psychologist for my MMPI eval next Friday (about 600 true or false questions to make sure I'm not crazier than we already know).  I'm going to see the nutritionist in about another month.  Her only suggestion was to keep an eye on my morning carbs with my breakfast - I guess I haven't been superconsistant - somedays I have twenty-something with breakfast and others I have fifty something.  I hadn't realized I was in the twenty-somethings, and as a diabetic that's not good - it can lead to me bottoming out.  Otherwise she thought everything looked good. 

I joined a weight-loss surgery support group on line through facebook, and it has been very positive.  There are people just starting their journey like me, and others are post surgery (and sometimes 10 + years out).  Everyone is very supportive (shocking, I know, for a support-group) and works hard to keep everyone pointed in the right direction.  I also got two books - EAT IT UP on Kindle and Weight Loss Surgery - Finding the Hidden Person Inside of You.  I've gotten through the first two chapters in Eat It Up, mostly because it's easy to access on my Kindle, but the other is written by the moderator of the support group, so I'm looking forward to hearing her advice as well. 

The only thing left to get started on is my trainer/ exercise physiologist.  My husband is hooking me up with someone through work and he's been off the last two days, so it's been delayed. 

I volunteered at my kids' Fall Fest at the elementary school last night.  It was a lot of fun and I was the caller for bingo.  I got to stand behind a podium and had a lot of fun, but it wasn't perfect.  After about 30 minutes of standing I started to "glisten" as my southern friends would call it.  In the midwest we would say "perspire" or just "sweat".  Not doing any work at all, or feeling tired, but just standing up for a half an hour is apparently a small workout for my body.  How sad.  It wasn't the first time I've noticed that, and it's very embarassing.  Sometimes if other's notice I say "oh, pardon me, my diabetes makes me perspire a little extra" or something like that (which isn't a total lie).  But the truth of it is, I just don't want them to realized that holding my weight vertically for a half and hour starts to make me sweaty.  I'm really looking forward to that being over when I lose the weight.  It doesn't even make sense to me - when I walk 40 minutes with the dog I sweat but I'm not even breathing hard when I get home.  My body shouldn't heat up just from standing, but I guess standing while holding 100 in extra weight will do that. 

Not for long...