Graduation Pics, inspirations, rants, & warnings

 

Last Friday I graduated from the St. Vincent Sisters of Charity Bariatric Center.  It is a ceremony they hold once a year (although they skipped last year) for people who have reached their goal and are more than a year post-op.  It was a great excuse to get dressed up and have a night out with my husband - and it was AMAZING to be with all of these other successful people who have so much in common with me.  Walking across the stage, with my before/ after pictures and successes being shown on power point, my hand being shook and handed a rose and certificate.  It was a wonderful recognition from people who help the obese become healthy, and from my fellow patients.  Speaking of fellow graduates...

The 62 of us who graduated lost over 7,200 pounds combined, which equals over 25,000,000 (yup, that's MILLION) calories burnt and not consumed.

22 of us used to be diabetic, and only 4 still are.

We used to take a combined 374 pills daily.  We now take 170.

One woman at my table has lost 240 pounds in the past 16 months!  Holey cow.  She was also diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and has just finished radiation after her radical hysterectomy.  She is very hopeful that the chemo will put her into remission, and shared that the oncologists said they wouldn't have been as hopeful if she hadn't lost the weight - because she wouldn't have been able to tolerate the treatments.  I know that the surgery has extended my life and quality of life by getting rid of my diabetes and other risk factors.  But in her case, literally months after her loss, she found that she could get lifesaving treatment that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. 

Seeing my Personal Care Coordinator, Diane Harris, was wonderful as always.  My surgeon has left the practice, and I have struggled with whether to follow him.  Seeing Diane reminded me that she and the other support staff are a large part of the team effort that have helped me this far, and I will likely stay at St. Vincent.  Here's me hugging her to death!

 

My husband was there to support me, as he has been through the whole thing.  We even got a chance to dance a bit.  One of the physician assistant's stiletto heels took the skin off one of my toes, but I didn't let it stop me from enjoying the evening.  Here's me and my rock.

and for a reality check, here's me with my family before surgery, 103 pounds heavier

 

So, parts of the graduation were frustrating and puzzling for me.  First - it was a dinner.  A dinner, for bariatric patients who try to avoid food-based social gatherings.  Well, at least the food would be bariatric friendly, right?  Sort of.  The first things we were served were typical catering fare - a salad and a bread basket (although the bread was flat and crisp bread, which some bariatric patients can eat a little of - not many, but some).  Salad tends to be tricky for WLS patients - lettuce is notorious for getting caught in our stomas, because it's difficult to chew it into small enough pieces.  We also are told rule #1 is Always eat your protein first - so being given bread and vegetables before our entrée was against THE RULES.  OK, well, there were probably another 75 people there who weren't patients, so they could enjoy it.  Would it have killed them to put some cheese on the salad, though? The entrees were were either salmon with squash or for vegetarians like us (many WLS become vegetarian post-op because meat and fish prove too hard to digest) we had a portabello mushroom with melted cheese, roasted tomato, and beans.  That was pretty yummy, although it was still lower in protein than I would normally eat for a meal. 

 

I made it through the dinner without anything getting stuck, which is always an anxious concern of mine.  Although, being in a room of fellow patients, I knew if it happened nobody would look at me funny if I had to make a hasty exit to the restroom.  Then they came around with coffee and tea - another no-no for WLS patients, we can't drink with our food, or for an hour after we eat.  But, again, there were non-WLS people there, and they haven't trained themselves to not drink, so that was understandable. Here's the thing though - I saw several patients at my table drinking tea and coffee!  What?  You're here for following the rules and being successful so you break the rules???   But then they brought out dessert!  Dessert.  Really?  And not some bariatric friendly ricotta-stuffed strawberries - oh, no.  Cheesecake.  OK, that was just cruel.  In a funny twist, they place one in front of me, but not my husband.  The ovarian cancer survivor and I both gave him our pieces, and frankly I avoided looking to see if any of the other patients were indulging.  I didn't want it to seem like I was going to judge others for their decision, so I just talked to my hubby while he enjoyed it and ignored the rest.  The fact is we are all tempted to take a taste of something now and then - even if we might dump.  I try to be strong not only because of dumping, but because if I have some grain or sugar I'm likely to crave it for days.  Honestly, it would have bothered me less to see WLS patients tasting the cheesecake than drinking after eating - that washes the whole meal out of our pouches and then it isn't digested well and makes us hungry again. Still can't believe some of them did that.

 

We danced, talked, had our pictures taken and waited for the raffle drawing of an Ipad Mini and Fitbit Flex (ooooh, I wanted the flex!).  What a night!

 

I also got great news earlier that day.  My mammogram came back clear.  I had gotten scanned two weeks prior and been told to expect a call - between my breasts having changed so drastically since my only other scan (8 years ago) and the fact that the new digital scans pick up things that weren't visible on the old films...  I've been spending the last two weeks worrying.  I was greatly reassured by other WLS patients that they often get calls to come back because of the way their breast tissue has atrophied looks strange on the scans, which helped keep me from panicking.  Part of the reason it took so long was because my previous films were taken out of town.  At least now they will have them locally for the future.  WLS people - be prepared for mammogram scares!  That was something I never read about in all of my pre-op prep. 

 

RANT WARNING..... (this is nothing new info wise, just me venting)

 

I am still working hard to make good food choices, and staying active.  Maintaining my weight loss is VERY important to me.  I continue to dislike eating out/ away from home, and have started to get more push-back from my mom on that.  When I told her I was surprised the graduation was a dinner she said "Well, maybe it will help you get over eating out..."  Uh, right.  Part of the reason I don't like to eat out is that eating out vegetarian can be a little bit of a challenge, but eating out bariatric-friendly vegetarian can be VERY HARD.  And even when appropriate food is available, the way it is prepared greatly varies how it will be tolerated.  Even in the best of circumstances, there are times when eating (even at home, my regular diet) results in severe GI distress.  My mom, who originally said that she wouldn't mind if we wanted to stop having traditional Thanksgiving meals together and just get together afterwards, now lays guilt trips on me for not eating at her place.  Sigh.  No Mom, it's not that I don't want to be with you.  It's that I would rather eat at home.  I don't go eat at my friend's homes either.  And the rare times I eat out - it's usually with you.  When I'm at home I have the most control not only over the food, but the fact that I can run to my OWN bathroom if I need to, and lay down on my OWN bed if my stomach hurts later.  This doesn't happen very often anymore, but about once a week I have at least some indigestion.  That's often enough.  It happened Saturday night even though I ate at home, and I had to miss 1/3 of a play while I was in the bathroom.  It's worth it everyday when I am healthy and happy, but eating is NOT a fun social activity for me any more, it is a deliberate, planned, and strategized necessity.  No, I don't mind you eating in front of me.  What I mind is you continuing to invited me to eat out/ over at your place and then not understanding when I decline and say we will meet you after the meal. 



 

Did I mention I get frustrated?  :)  This journey has been and continues to be a rewarding challenge, some days it's easier to focus on the rewards, so days it's hard to see past the challenges. Seeing all my fellow WLS patients and their successes was very inspiring and made me think about how far I've come.  It's not easy, but it's worth it.  I have a free album credit on Snapfish - I think I'm going to use it to make an album of my journey from pre-surgery to graduation!

Bariatric Betty's Summertime, and the living is sometimes too easy

Ahhhh, summer.  I'm off work (since I work at an elementary school), and my boys are home.  No homework or tests to deal with - just daily reading to keep them from regressing over the summer.  Only thing is, they think that I should be providing FUN!!!! all day every day.  Um, no, that's what summer CAMP is for, which both of you declined to attend repeatedly.  So now you have be bored at home with me! 

My day starts making breakfast for everyone, unless it's one of the days my 12 year old has gotten up early and hungry and has made his own.  I don't eat for about an hour after I wake up so I have time to drink my first 24 ounces of liquid for the day.  I see my husband off to work with the lunch I've packed and eat my breakfast.  Then the kids and I go over the plans for the day.  That starts out with a reminder that they each need to read 1/2 hour.  The complaints start then, and sometimes last for hours. I walk/ jog the dog, do a load of dishes and remind my 12 year old he needs to run a load of laundry.  I get in my second 24 ounces before lunch, and another 24 before dinner.  We usually go somewhere in the afternoon, and eat early.  Since the boys are both playing baseball this summer, we often have 3-4 hours of overlapping baseball games in the evening.  My sweet husband eats a dinner I bring at the community park where the games are being played at least once a week because the games start before he can even get home from work.  Sometimes the games go until after 10pm!

I spend at least a chunk of time every couple days cooking large amounts of my staple foods so that they are ready for daily consumption.  I scramble 6 days of egg beaters at a time - that doesn't take that long.  When I sauté my 5-6 days of onions and julienned zucchini (think non-noodle spaghetti) it takes a bit longer.  When I make up a pot of my lentils with carmelized onions it's over an hour, but that will last me for a couple of weeks.  I am also cooking for a family of friends once a week who have a mom recovering from a serious illness.  It's been fun finding things that are vegetarian that her family enjoys - my family has had such a predictable diet for years that it's taken me out of my comfort zone a bit - but it has also increased the quality of meals my own family is getting.  Eggplant parmesean has entered our regular rotation, as has fried tofu.  The other night I made fried rice with broccoli, pea pods, carrots, peas, water chestnuts, asparagus, and eggs that was a hit.  It's weird that I can't enjoy most of these things myself - they don't have enough protein or sit well in my pouch (with the exception of un-fried tofu) but it does feel good to see everybody eating well.

I do try to plan at least one fun thing a day for the kids, whether it's going to our local rec center/ pool, going to a movie, going to the local waterpark where we have season passes, etc.  We won't do anything like that until they have done their reading, however, and on some days that means it's afternoon before we get to go.  Like today.  It was 2pm before my 10 year old finally finished his reading.  He spent all morning complaining about how he didn't want to read, and he wanted to go do SOMETHING.  No matter how many times I explained "You do your reading, and I will take you somewhere, you get to decide how soon that happens..." the whining WOULDN'T stop.  Augh.  I took my dog for a longer walk just for the peace and quiet. 

Speaking of walking the dog, that's my only predictable exercise right now.  I miss my job!  It's nice to be able to have other options during the middle of the day during break, but I miss working with the kids, talking with other grownups, and most of all the 5000 steps I would walk while I was working. 

Thank goodness for my fitbit pedometer.  If I didn't wear it every day then my exercise would be pitiful right now.  It's a great motivator - because I HATE not hitting at least 10,000 steps a day.  During the school year I average about 15,000.  But now I average around 11,000.  I actually have to work for those, too.  When we go to the park I walk circles around the playground.  When my kids have a baseball game I pace back and forth for the second half of the game.  When we're camping out at the rec for a long time, I walk a couple miles on the track. 

I don't enjoy running in real heat, so I'm not jogging much right now.  I have decreased my food intake a bit to take into account that I'm not burning as many calories right now, and that seems to be working well because I'm staying at goal.  The daily struggles with making good food choices is harder some days than others - although I haven't had a crazy obsession (like the pie crust) for a while, thank goodness.  I usually stay away from white carbs because I find they trigger cravings for me and I don't need the extra stress. 

My house continues to be a disaster zone, but most days I feel like I am getting the level of cleanliness incrementally better.  My focus has been on getting the boys to help clean up their own messes (definitely works in progress) and keeping counter-tops and kitchen/ dining room tables at least partially clear.  At the moment my 12 year old has his basketball shoes on top of my papers on the kitchen table, and my 10 year old feels that since he has set up his lego building area on half of the dining room table for the last 6 months, I am being unreasonable to think that should change.  Baby steps.  This last week I tackled the outside mess - pulling up 7 bags of thistle and other assorted weeds that had started looking like trees. 

Speaking of trees, the other night a severe thunderstorm took down half of a 30 foot tree in our front yard.  Besides being stunned, everybody is fine.  Mostly I am overwhelmed with gratitude that the tree didn't fall on the house and that we weren't home when it happened - because my car is usually parked right where it fell.  It didn't even knock over our basketball hoop!  It was definitely one of those moments that I felt someone was watching over us. 

I am so grateful for the every-day blessings my family enjoys.  Our health and our home top amongst them.  But it's up to us to maintain both of those things if we want to keep them as blessings.  My sons arguing for more snacks and less work can be tiring, but I try to remind myself that I am teaching them life lessons - and that if I want them to value those things as highly as I do, they need to see our commitment to them every day.  It's easier to think of it that way when the whining isn't happening.  There will definitely be times when the overwhelming thought in my head is "Do it because I SAID SO!" although I try to be calmer in explain the importance of the issue at hand.  And there are times that I tell them "You've worn me down.  I am taking a break.  Be nice to each other and work on xyz while I go lay down for a bit/ take a walk/ run to the store."  It's lovely that they are old enough that I can do that now. 

I remain incredibly thankful for not only the support of my family on this journey, but my local support group.  The other night we had a meeting, and as I was walking out the door to attend we discovered that while my 10 year old had been "bored" he had used scissors to scratch and poke on our black leather couch.  Augh!  I went on to the meeting and vented, and we all agreed that the "old" us would have then eaten a large amount of junk food to handle the frustration.  Now my son is responsible for cleaning off said couch and his own favorite chair every night to help him learn to respect our things more.  His response "For how long?"  Our answer "Until we decide to ADD more chores.  This will be your responsibility, period." 

I am also thankful for all of the health professionals that have helped me get to where I am, and where our family is going.  I found out a couple of weeks ago that my surgeon and his team are leaving St. Vincent and it really feels like a loss.  I will have to work with new people for my follow-up.  But, they gave me my pouch/ tool and a good foundation to work with.  I will miss you Drs. Ben-Meir and Salomone!  I am also so glad we found a great family psychologist to work through issues with our sons, and have found a wonderful rheumatologist for my husband.  Never underestimate what have access to good healthcare can mean for your family.  I wish everyone had it this good!


 

Bariatric Betty gets psyched out

The mind is a very powerful weapon, no doubt about it.  This last week was a good reminder of that.

First, I had a moment of clarity on Tuesday.  I went to step on the scale like I usually do most days, and had to turn it right side up first. The kids and dog had flipped it over the night before.  I waited a minute for it to recalibrate and then stepped on.  142.3 pounds!  Whoa.  That meant I had lost over 100 pounds from my highest!  I lost over 100 pounds!  Whoa.  I really didn't expect that.  Especially since I was 146 yesterday... wait.  I was 146 yesterday.  OK, occasionally I have a couple pounds of water weight that come off/ go on in 24 hours, but 4 pounds difference???  I stepped of and let it recalibrate again.  147.2.  Huh.  Recalibrate again.  147.2.  Darn.  So apparently it didn't recalibrate after I turned it over the first time and that was a big ol' "Psych!" from the universe.  But you know what, it wasn't that bad.  I've been telling myself that losing a solid hundred would be cool, but that I'm very happy with my 97 pound lost, and if I lose more it's bonus.  The great thing was, I proved to myself that I'm not selling myself a lie.  I felt proud before I stepped on the scale that morning, and I felt proud after I found out the first reading was wrong.  Slight less excited about blogging this week - that was going to be a fun post title - but I wasn't upset.  Yay!  My head is still screwed on right. 

Wednesday I ran 3.1 miles in the afternoon to continue to prepare for the 5k Jingle Bell Run I will be running December 9th in Cleveland.  I'm so excited about running my first 5k, and feel good that actually jogging the whole thing is something I can handle (barring the unforseen, that is).  I'm jogging at least 3 miles twice a week now, and shorter distances a couple other time a week.  So far my hip/ bursitis isn't bad.

Thursday was a rough day.  My job as a monitor at the elementary school has changed a bit.  I work with an autistic kindergartener one-on-one for the first half now, and then the third grade classes for the second half.  I miss working with the whole group of kindergartners and first graders, but I do enjoy helping my charge.   Most times.  Not Thursday.  Thursday was a full blown tantrum-all-day kind of day.  I really feel for him.  He's very bright - a kindergartner who can read at what I would say is a 1-2 grade level. But he just started speaking a year ago and his articulation/ intelligibilty is pretty poor.  That makes things very frustrating because many times people can't understand him and that can lead to tantrums.  Add to that his sensory integration issues - getting over stimulated by noise, light, textures... the poor guy has a lot to deal with.  His mind is constantly getting in the way of him learning and enjoying his peers.  That doesn't excuse tantrums, but helps me let go of my frustration in dealing with them.  It's my job to help him handle situations so that 1) he can avoid getting so frustrated that he loses control and 2) help him learn how to take control of himself and cope with challenges.  By the end of my time with him I helped him write an apology note to the people he upset throwing things around, and he apologized to me as well.

Thursday night I was working on frosting my famous candy cane cookies.  I started baking them earlier this week and haven't struggled with sneaking cookie dough or anything.  But that night was a different situation.  You see, the candy cane cookies get dipped in a peppermint glaze and then sprinkled with red sugar stripes.  The problem is that when you dip 100 cookies, you get glaze on your fingers over and over again.  And a couple of times I licked my fingers.  And then a couple more.  I finally stopped myself and stopped glazing for the night.  I didn't eat enough to make me dump, but I craved that sugar!  Not good. 

First victory - I stopped glazing when I realized what I was doing.  Second victory - I logged the glaze on my food diary.  For those of you who started reading recently, I had a horrible moment of self-realization back in my pre-op days when I found myself lying on the food diary.  To myself.  Who was the ONLY ONE who would be reading my food log.  Seriously, how warped is that?  I didn't want to say I ate a cookie, so I had recorded 1 apple, 1 biscuit/ roll, and 1 tablespoon of butter.  Lying to myself was a real low.  I had already turned in my food log for approval for surgery, and there was nobody to impress...  It was a real eye-opener of how warped my mind could be.  But not this time.  I logged it! 

Final victory - I told my husband about my poor choice and the next day I finished glazing the cookies without making the same mistakes.  I invited my kids and then my husband to come in the kitchen with me while I did it so I knew I had accountability other than myself.  I needed to talk to my husband anyway - and he was worried about my slipping up the night before and wanting to be supportive, so it worked out well for both of us. 

I'm not perfect - and never will be, but I will continue to succeed because I HAVE TO.  This is a committment I have made to myself and my family.  I will remain healthy.  My kids and husband are willing to live with less (or no) cookies if neccesary, and I am thankful for their support. 

Our mind can be our best defense and our worst enemy.  And for those friends who read this blog and have not had weight loss surgery, that is why those of us who are surgically altered tend to get militant about how we're eating and our routines - because we know that we have tendencies to get out of control, and we've already risked our life to get healthy.  That little bit of sugar made me crave sugar for the next 4 days.  So I won't be sending care packages of cookies to my out of town friends this year because I'm not making as much as I used to.  But I know you love me anyway :)