Bariatric Betty's Summertime, and the living is sometimes too easy

Ahhhh, summer.  I'm off work (since I work at an elementary school), and my boys are home.  No homework or tests to deal with - just daily reading to keep them from regressing over the summer.  Only thing is, they think that I should be providing FUN!!!! all day every day.  Um, no, that's what summer CAMP is for, which both of you declined to attend repeatedly.  So now you have be bored at home with me! 

My day starts making breakfast for everyone, unless it's one of the days my 12 year old has gotten up early and hungry and has made his own.  I don't eat for about an hour after I wake up so I have time to drink my first 24 ounces of liquid for the day.  I see my husband off to work with the lunch I've packed and eat my breakfast.  Then the kids and I go over the plans for the day.  That starts out with a reminder that they each need to read 1/2 hour.  The complaints start then, and sometimes last for hours. I walk/ jog the dog, do a load of dishes and remind my 12 year old he needs to run a load of laundry.  I get in my second 24 ounces before lunch, and another 24 before dinner.  We usually go somewhere in the afternoon, and eat early.  Since the boys are both playing baseball this summer, we often have 3-4 hours of overlapping baseball games in the evening.  My sweet husband eats a dinner I bring at the community park where the games are being played at least once a week because the games start before he can even get home from work.  Sometimes the games go until after 10pm!

I spend at least a chunk of time every couple days cooking large amounts of my staple foods so that they are ready for daily consumption.  I scramble 6 days of egg beaters at a time - that doesn't take that long.  When I sauté my 5-6 days of onions and julienned zucchini (think non-noodle spaghetti) it takes a bit longer.  When I make up a pot of my lentils with carmelized onions it's over an hour, but that will last me for a couple of weeks.  I am also cooking for a family of friends once a week who have a mom recovering from a serious illness.  It's been fun finding things that are vegetarian that her family enjoys - my family has had such a predictable diet for years that it's taken me out of my comfort zone a bit - but it has also increased the quality of meals my own family is getting.  Eggplant parmesean has entered our regular rotation, as has fried tofu.  The other night I made fried rice with broccoli, pea pods, carrots, peas, water chestnuts, asparagus, and eggs that was a hit.  It's weird that I can't enjoy most of these things myself - they don't have enough protein or sit well in my pouch (with the exception of un-fried tofu) but it does feel good to see everybody eating well.

I do try to plan at least one fun thing a day for the kids, whether it's going to our local rec center/ pool, going to a movie, going to the local waterpark where we have season passes, etc.  We won't do anything like that until they have done their reading, however, and on some days that means it's afternoon before we get to go.  Like today.  It was 2pm before my 10 year old finally finished his reading.  He spent all morning complaining about how he didn't want to read, and he wanted to go do SOMETHING.  No matter how many times I explained "You do your reading, and I will take you somewhere, you get to decide how soon that happens..." the whining WOULDN'T stop.  Augh.  I took my dog for a longer walk just for the peace and quiet. 

Speaking of walking the dog, that's my only predictable exercise right now.  I miss my job!  It's nice to be able to have other options during the middle of the day during break, but I miss working with the kids, talking with other grownups, and most of all the 5000 steps I would walk while I was working. 

Thank goodness for my fitbit pedometer.  If I didn't wear it every day then my exercise would be pitiful right now.  It's a great motivator - because I HATE not hitting at least 10,000 steps a day.  During the school year I average about 15,000.  But now I average around 11,000.  I actually have to work for those, too.  When we go to the park I walk circles around the playground.  When my kids have a baseball game I pace back and forth for the second half of the game.  When we're camping out at the rec for a long time, I walk a couple miles on the track. 

I don't enjoy running in real heat, so I'm not jogging much right now.  I have decreased my food intake a bit to take into account that I'm not burning as many calories right now, and that seems to be working well because I'm staying at goal.  The daily struggles with making good food choices is harder some days than others - although I haven't had a crazy obsession (like the pie crust) for a while, thank goodness.  I usually stay away from white carbs because I find they trigger cravings for me and I don't need the extra stress. 

My house continues to be a disaster zone, but most days I feel like I am getting the level of cleanliness incrementally better.  My focus has been on getting the boys to help clean up their own messes (definitely works in progress) and keeping counter-tops and kitchen/ dining room tables at least partially clear.  At the moment my 12 year old has his basketball shoes on top of my papers on the kitchen table, and my 10 year old feels that since he has set up his lego building area on half of the dining room table for the last 6 months, I am being unreasonable to think that should change.  Baby steps.  This last week I tackled the outside mess - pulling up 7 bags of thistle and other assorted weeds that had started looking like trees. 

Speaking of trees, the other night a severe thunderstorm took down half of a 30 foot tree in our front yard.  Besides being stunned, everybody is fine.  Mostly I am overwhelmed with gratitude that the tree didn't fall on the house and that we weren't home when it happened - because my car is usually parked right where it fell.  It didn't even knock over our basketball hoop!  It was definitely one of those moments that I felt someone was watching over us. 

I am so grateful for the every-day blessings my family enjoys.  Our health and our home top amongst them.  But it's up to us to maintain both of those things if we want to keep them as blessings.  My sons arguing for more snacks and less work can be tiring, but I try to remind myself that I am teaching them life lessons - and that if I want them to value those things as highly as I do, they need to see our commitment to them every day.  It's easier to think of it that way when the whining isn't happening.  There will definitely be times when the overwhelming thought in my head is "Do it because I SAID SO!" although I try to be calmer in explain the importance of the issue at hand.  And there are times that I tell them "You've worn me down.  I am taking a break.  Be nice to each other and work on xyz while I go lay down for a bit/ take a walk/ run to the store."  It's lovely that they are old enough that I can do that now. 

I remain incredibly thankful for not only the support of my family on this journey, but my local support group.  The other night we had a meeting, and as I was walking out the door to attend we discovered that while my 10 year old had been "bored" he had used scissors to scratch and poke on our black leather couch.  Augh!  I went on to the meeting and vented, and we all agreed that the "old" us would have then eaten a large amount of junk food to handle the frustration.  Now my son is responsible for cleaning off said couch and his own favorite chair every night to help him learn to respect our things more.  His response "For how long?"  Our answer "Until we decide to ADD more chores.  This will be your responsibility, period." 

I am also thankful for all of the health professionals that have helped me get to where I am, and where our family is going.  I found out a couple of weeks ago that my surgeon and his team are leaving St. Vincent and it really feels like a loss.  I will have to work with new people for my follow-up.  But, they gave me my pouch/ tool and a good foundation to work with.  I will miss you Drs. Ben-Meir and Salomone!  I am also so glad we found a great family psychologist to work through issues with our sons, and have found a wonderful rheumatologist for my husband.  Never underestimate what have access to good healthcare can mean for your family.  I wish everyone had it this good!


 

Bariatric Betty's strengths and weaknesses

I have signed up for my second 5k, The Color Run on April 27th in Akron, OH.  It looks like a LOT of fun!  You can watch a video about it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EERSfHiqT8  Basically you run a 5k wearing a white shirt while people throw packets of non-toxic pigment on you.  What I've learned about jogging/ running is that I don't find it fun.  I feel better after I exercise daily, and I am glad I can do it quicker than the same amount of exercise I would do walking.  But do I look forward to jogging?  No.  However, I DID enjoy running a 5k race!

So now I'm looking for fun runs - I'm not trying to win a medal, I want the social aspect.  A bunch of people jogging/ running while wearing costumes, or running to raise money for a good cause, or in the case of The Color Run, running while being silly and finishing looking like one of Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstoppers.  This way I look at jogging as preparing for my next fun race, and I can work on improving my time from a race one year to the same race the next year.

I have also signed up for a mini-triathalon in the beginning of April.  It's being held at our rec center, and they have it down to a science.  You are assigned a wave time, and start out sharing a lane with one other person.  At your start time you swim as far as you can in 15 minutes while they count your laps.  Then you go to the spinning bikes where they track how far you bike in 20 minutes with an odometer on the bike.  Then you go to the indoor track where they track how far you run/ walk in 20 minutes.  That's it!  Well, that makes it sound easy - and I would find doing each of those components easy on any given day - however, doing all three in a row will be challenging, I'm sure!  Not to mention the decrease in my padding around the spin seat-area will likely lead me to stand for most of the ride.  I'm looking forward to it, and will be sure to let you know how it goes - with pics, of course.

One thing about walking and jogging being my primary cardio exercises is that my legs are very strong and in great shape.  However, my upper body has not kept up.  Just yesterday I was bringing in groceries and was reminded yet again that my arms aren't as strong a they used to be.  When I reach up to close my trunk while holding several plastic bags of groceries in each hand, my wrists and arms tremble.  Am I experiencing upper body weakness?  No.  But they aren't as strong as they used to be, partially because they aren't helping me support my extra +100 weight anymore and I haven't been giving them the attention that my legs have been getting. 

So yesterday before work I went to the Rec and did some assisted chin-ups, dips, captain's chair crunches, and torso twists against resistance.  Gotta love the machines that let you counter balance some of your body weight for chin-ups and dips.  I was only supporting about 45 pounds, and it was hard.  I plan on doing it 2-3 times a week and look forward to being able to do more weight and reps.

I went to my monthly support group last night.  I love my support group!  They are such a blessing;  these women are truly fabulous.  As one of the other members said "All of you are beautiful, and you have a 'glow' around you".  We have pre-ops, recent post-ops, people a year out, all the way to people 11 years out.  Good ideas, answers to questions, and tough love when needed.  The support of my family means so much to me - and unfortunately, not all WLS patients have that.  But the support of people who have traveled my road, who understand the challenges, temptations and inner demons I wrestle with - nothing can replace that.

Bariatric Betty starts 2013 with Reactive Hypoglycemia

Scary.  That's how I can sum up my first (and hopefully last) experience with Reactive Hypoglycemia.  Reactive Hypoglycemia occurs 1 - 2 hours after a meal and is when your blood sugar plummets.  It's a complication some post-bariatric patients get about a year out from surgery, and apparently I am part of that group.  Non-WLS people can have experience R.H. by eating very high carb unbalanced meals, or by diabetics injecting themselves with too much insulin.  Studies have shown that starting 6 months post-op the pancreas of WLS patients (particularly the gastric bypass patients like myself) have a big increase in insulin reactivity.  One study I read said that the reactivity increases 20 times normal (duadenal switch and gastric sleeve WLS patients had a 6 time increase).   It's part of the same mechanism that reverses our diabetes with surgery, but in overdrive.

So, what happened?  Last night I made homemade black bean soup from a bariatric-friendly recipe, and had a bowl with some cheese sprinkled on top for dinner.  I also ate 1/4 of one serving of a baguette, a rare grain "treat".  I had eaten the black bean soup acouple times before as part of a meal - eating 1/4 of a serving along with 3/4 serving of my favorite lentils/onions/ greek yogurt/ cheddar cheese dinner.  Then about 1 1/2 hours later I went to the gym and hopped on the treadmill, because I hadn't gotten my 10,000 steps in for the day yet and it was TOO COLD to go walking outside.

Looking back, my first clue that something was wrong was that about 20 minutes into the walk I realized I was sweating.  Sweating?  From walking?  Ridiculous - I jog 5ks now, why would walking for 20 minutes make me break out in a sweat?  I decided that the gym must have bumped up the thermostat, and since I was on the top floor I was just getting an extra dose of heat.  I was trying reading while I was walking and I started having trouble reading at about the same time.  Of course, that wasn't how I was thinking of it then - I thought "Wow, suddenly the light reflecting off the screen of my Kindle is making it hard to see the words" and "Huh, I'm losing the thread of this chapter - maybe I shouldn't try reading while walking, I'll just turn it off and watch the TV.  Then I started feeling a little clumsy and irritable.  My brain started to signal "Hey, maybe you've done enough" at about 27 minute, but I thought "Nah, just 3 more minutes..."  By the time the 30 minutes was up I was definitely not feeling great. I felt light-headed, sweaty, and when the machine tried to add an additional 5 minutes of cool down walking I got mad.  I got mad at a treadmill.  Yeah, they should list that among symptoms - if you start to fume at inanimate objects, you might want to check yourself for hypoglycemia. 

Compare this to how I usually feel after a 35 minute jog - warm but not sweaty, sharp, and pleased with myself.

So I went down the stairs carefully because I felt a little dizzy.  "Must have not had enough water..." I thought.  So I drank some and headed into the basketball courts where my kids were playing.  I saw my one son, but didn't see my other son.  Then I realized that the other son was standing next to where my first son was sitting - weird, how did I miss that?  My younger son wanted to stay, so I went to sit down.  Then my older son said he wanted to get home and I agreed.  By this time I had decided that I must not have had enough protein that day.  I had only logged my breakfast so far (15 grams of protein), and had a Quest bar for lunch (20 grams) and I knew that the black bean soup wasn't as protein dense as lentils... yeah, that must be it, I was low on protein.

For my non-WLS readers, most adults only need about 45 grams of protein a day.  Post-bariatric surgery we aim for 60 - 80 grams.  Our bodies metabolise things quite differently, and having to live on great reduced calories requires a large protein load to reassure our bodies that we are not - in fact - starving after having been shipwrecked on a deserted island (in which case our bodies would start to consume it's own muscle tissue in addition to fat, BAD). 

So I called my husband as I started the drive home, explained I was low on protein and not feeling great, that my 12 y.o. was complaining of being lightheaded as well (meanwhile he started telling me from the backseat that he wasn't lightheaded and never said that). My younger son backed me up saying that my older son HAD said he was light-headed, but at this point I realized that I wasn't even sure what he had said any more, because I was feeling confused and irritable.  I SHOULD have realized "That means you shouldn't be driving, dummy!" but I didn't.  Luckily we got home safe and sound.  My hubby was waiting in the driveway with some cheese for me.  I ate half of it and started making some popcorn for my son.  I finished the cheese, had 2 cups of popcorn and went online to log the rest of my food for the day. 

Wow!  I hadn't realized that the disparity between the protein in black beans and lentils were so huge.  I always try to eat between 20-23 grams of protein in a meal, and apparently even with the cheese on top, I had only had 11 grams.  I ate another 1 1/2 ounces of cheese to bring me up to 60 for the day.  My overall calories had been low, too.  Good thing I had eaten some popcorn (I had no idea how good until this morning).  OK, everything looked better.  I signed off and went into the other room to sit with my family while they watched TV.  Within 15 minutes I fell sound asleep.  My husband woke me up and walked me upstairs to bed.  I had horrible dreams about feeling confused and thinking I was having a TIA (mini-stroke).  It wasn't that far off.  My brain was being glucose deprived. 

This morning I woke up feeling much better and something clicked.  Reactive Hypoglycemia.  I went online and reviewed studies and articles until I was sure.  It wasn't just lower protein, it was lower protein mixed with higher carbs (although not enough to make me dump) and then working out (even though it was low intensity) two hours afterwords - which is right about when my blood sugar plummetted.  I rushed through the low level and landed in moderate hypoglycemia and luckily had the popcorn and cheese before it got to severe (which includes seizures, unconsciousness, and potentially death).  If I hadn't eaten the popcorn it might have been worse.

To treat hypoglycemia you eat a small amount of carbs paired with protein (in my case, cheese and popcorn).  Non-WLS people might drink juice or eat a small amount of candy to boost up their blood sugar short term until the protein kicks in, but in gastric bypass patient that will cause a potential dump and a larger blood sugar crash shortly after, putting them in greater danger.  In non-WLS someone might have hypoglycemic symptoms after not eating at all for a long time, or about 1-2 hours after eating a huge amount of carbs (like 120 grams) and no/ low protein.  I ate about 30 grams of carbs, but only 11 grams of protein and BAM!  Lessons learned... whew. 

A big thank you to all my WLS friends who have written and talked about their experiences with R.H. - it was remembering your experiences that helped all of this make sense his morning. 

One fun/ funny experience to share - I was on Zappos' Facebook page and saw joint contest with Delivering Happiness and Tout.com where you shared a 15 second video of what or who inspires you for a chance to win a $500 Zappos gift card.  SWEET. I need new waterproof snowboots, and had been wrestling with whether or not I can afford some nice ones...plus heck - that could be several pieces of new clothing!  So, I made the video about how my Weight Loss Support Group inspires me and posted it, checking the box that said "only you" can view this on your timeline.  Imagine my surprise when my friends started commenting on it!  Great comments, too - saying I was cute, adorable, and my favorite "HHHHOTTT!"  What a great reminder that in our internet world, just because it says something will not be seen doesn't make it TRUE!  I'm so grateful for the support of my family and friends, and grateful that the thing that inspired me wasn't embarrassing or "private" in any way.   Here's hoping I win the gift card!
 

Bariatric Betty recieves a random act of kindness

This morning my son and I went to Subway before school.  He has a field trip and they needed a lunch that was disposable (no lunch box), plus he loves their Veggie Patty subs so for special I agreed to pick one up for him.  The election results were being discussed on the radio station playing in the store, and as I checked out the cashier leaned over and gestured to me.  I thought maybe she was going to say something about the election outcome, but instead she said "You look really good!  Really.  Whatever you're doing, you just keep on doing it!"  Wow.  I can't even tell you how much that lifted me up.  First, I only go to Subway about 1-2 times a month, so I only vaguely recognized her and was surprised she recognized me as having changed at all.  Second, I  was bundled up in a winter coat and knit hat, without makeup, and wouldn't have said I felt particularly attractive.  I was so surprised that all I could say was "Thank you, you're so nice". 

How amazing that a stranger can have such a big impact on us.  Obviously, as a WLS patient she happened to say something that touched my heart.  But it made me think of the random acts of kindness and secret santas that you hear about during the holidays.  People paying for the person behind them in the drive through.  Helping pay off layaways for strangers.  In my case, just a kind word that made my heart feel like it swelled and almost made me cry.  It reminded me that not only must we guard against bullying, hate, and destructive thoughts/ people, we must look for opportunities to help others.  With kind words, kind thoughts, kind actions. 

We can reach out to other WLS patients with encouragement.  We can thank people who serve us in their jobs.  This morning I stopped at Walmart and mentioned I had forgotten something when I was line and the cashier started to call somebody to go get it for me.  Wow.  I told her not to do it, that I didn't need to be at work for a little while, I didn't want to hold up the line and I knew that they had plenty of other things to do, I could get it and check out again.  She was surprised, and thanked me saying that it wasn't often that they heard from people that they work hard.  I made sure to tell her supervisor how nice she was.  Maybe she will feel a little lifted herself today. 

We can give thanks for our blessings and remember how lucky we are.  Regardless of your feelings about the election, we can be thankful that in our country we have the right to choose our leaders.  As I look at my pile of dirty laundry I can be thankful that unlike the people in New Jersey, we have all the warm clothes we need - not to mention safe and dry homes.  We can make donations to the Red Cross.  As our children begin fantasizing about Christmas and Hanukkah gifts, we can help them learn about giving to others.  Picking out presents for children in need.  Donating our outgrown (or out-shrunk in my case) coats and mittens.  Organizing or participating in a food drive. 

The days are getting colder and wetter - especially as Sandy came through Ohio.  After almost a week of solid rain we had just a few breaks that even included glimpses of blue sky in between the dark clouds.  This has been rough on my training routine, as I regularly get a lot of cardio walking and jogging with my dog.  There's only so much I can get him to do in the rain, however, and jogging in my rain boots isn't practical.  So my steps-per-day has taken a hit, both from my workouts and from the fact that the rain has meant indoor recess for my job at the school.  Sometimes I get to do Wii Just Dance with them, but other times, it's walking around a classroom and encouraging them as they color or play board games.  A couple of times I've done a workout on my elliptical, and I'm still going to the rec center a couple times a week to jog or swim.  As the weather gets worse, I'll need to do that more.  I bought some Under Armor Cold Gear pants to jog in.  After the complement I received today, I felt like running an extra mile today!

However, I decided to carpe diem and signed up for a 5k!  This might sound counter-intuitive as the length of time I'm running has decreased both because of bursitis in my hip and weather, but I need the challenge.  I've always thrived on challenges - to do better than I've done before, to prove someone wrong who underestimated me, to accomplish something new...  So when Living Social had a deal for a discounted registration for the Jingle Bell Run in Cleveland I decided to jump on it.  After all, as another jogger told me - just because you sign up for a 5k doesn't mean you can't walk part of it if you want to!   I would love to jog the whole thing, but will play it by ear & hip.  It's a run to raise money for the Arthritis Foundation and I'm running it in honor of my husband.  He has struggled with rheumatoid arthritis since he was a child, at times being unable to walk or use his hands.  He is also a source of inspiration to me.  There are the times when I cheered him on in triathalons and the times when he can't sleep because of pain but still gets up in the morning to go to work or play with our kids.  He is my biggest supporter, and I wish that he could have a surgery and get a chance at a pain free life, but arthritis doesn't work like that.  So I'm running both for myself and for him - and he'll be running with me in spirit. 

Halloween wasn't a big source of temptation for me right now, I'm not craving candy and am still scared of dumping but I have some things I do to improve my chances of making healthy choices.  My strategies include 1) out of site/ out of mind - store the halloween candy in a cabinet I don't go into 2) mostly buy things I don't enjoy - this is easier for me because I'm allergic to chocolate and 3) get it out of the house ASAP.  My kids know that they have to choose their favorites after trick-or-treating and then they each get a sandwich baggie to fill with their choices.  The rest usually goes to work with my hubby, but this year the middle school is having a candy drive for our armed forces overseas, so I think we'll send it there. 

I've started my holiday baking, and am enjoying it a lot.  Right now I'm making poticia, a Slovenian nut roll that takes a lot of time to make.  I've had no temptations to eat it, so that's good.  As soon as I finish cooling and wrapping it, it goes right into the downstairs freezer.  After I finish that I'll start on the cookies.  My family has had a long history with cookies - we even decorate our Christmas tree with them!  My parents always hosted a New Year's Eve cookie party for my friends as I was growing up.  That way they knew we were safe and off the roads, our friends enjoyed coming and eating cookies all night, and our fun was all g-rated.  We do the same for our kids.  Cookie baking has the potential to be more tempting - I used to love snacking on cookie dough, a definite no-no.  If I find myself picking at the dough or tasting the frosting, I will stop baking.  We'll just have to find a new tradition.  It's not worth making myself sick with dumping or backsliding into old habits.  So in a way, this is another challenge that I'm signing up for - continuing to prove to myself that I am a person who will enjoy the creativity and fun of baking without eating it.  I've done it before - I was pre-op dieting last year during my baking season, so this year I just have even more reason to stay on the program. 

At my last support group meeting we had a great idea I thought I would pass on to my readers.  Next month we're going to have a swap, where we each bring in things we don't use that others might be able to enjoy.  For me that will include some packets of protein powder that I never enjoyed and didn't need post-op, some Hazelnut Torani, and some Lactaid tablets.  That way some other vets and pre-ops can benefit from some of my "misses" and maybe some of theirs will be a "hit" with me.  I plan on giving someone $60 of PHP protein powder that I didn't use :)  Pass it on - or pay it forward.

If someone does you a kindness or you get a chance to do one for someone else, post it on Facebook.   You could say "I saw someone ...."  instead of saying you did it yourself so nobody thinks you're blowing your own horn.   Let's start that holiday goodwill early, and try to inspire others to do the same. 

 

Bariatric Betty 5 days before Surgery

So, here it comes.  The big day is less than a week away, and I'm tying up lose ends.  I've labeled where lots of things are kept in the house for the benefit of my family and my mom who will be coming over to help for 5 days.  I've done extra grocery shopping, made lists of food suggestions that the kids like, written down how they like things prepared.  I've written just-in-case notes to my husband, kids, and sent emails to the kids' teachers letting them know what is happening just in case they see behavior changes in the kids because of anxiety or anything.  I'm continuing to go over the plans for the day before surgery (now called "Poop Day" by my boys), surgery, discharge, and when I first get home with everyone.  I've bought all of the suggested post-op supplies and meds the bariatric center suggested and set up my little "liquid protein station" complete with shakes, whey powders, blender, and a sieve.  I've bought some books I'm looking forward to reading on my kindle.  I've set up some post-op playdates for the kids. 

All of that stuff is logical and healthy.  Now here's the other side - I've been enjoying my farewells to carbs. In the last week I've had a small serving of ice cream and a medium size fro-yo.  I've been choosing my meals to include some of my favorites that I won't eat the same again (or modified for a long time) - pasta, pizza, calzones, eggplant paremesean, and big salads (OK, that's a healthy one, but still).  I haven't been binging or going outside my calorie allowances, but my total carbs per day have definitely gone up.  My blood sugar is still fine.  But it's still part of giving up loving to eat to become healthy - the mind change that I have to make that the scapel doesn't touch.  I've asked my son to let me make chocolate chip cookies for his birthday in March instead of the cake balls he wanted - because I hate chocolate chip cookes, and love cake balls, and don't want to be faced with temptation too early.

I think that in all my previous diets there was this feeling that "after I make goal I can eat like a normal person again" and a big difference here is that I am choosing that I will never be normal, and I'm OK with that.  That it's worth it.  That this change will be permanent.  That I will NEVER get an ice cream cone again.  Not because I couldn't, but because I will choose to follow the RULES, and the RULES say no liquid calories.  Will I ever indulge in a taste of something?  Yes, but not for the first or maybe even second year and then it will be something solid so it gives me statiety.  I've heard from the vets and know that the more you let carbs in, the harder it is.  So I'm going to think like I did when I was feeding my kids their first solid foods.  Start with vegetables not fruits. Focus on protein.  It's easier to like fruits, so hold off on them until later.  I want to re-program my taste buds during my honeymoon period.  I would LOVE it if I no longer wanted chewy bread and pizza crusts, or sweet/ salty carbs.  So I will stay away from them.  Protein and fluids, protein and fluids....

I wonder what things I might enjoy post-op when I can eat normal food that I don't like now.  Could I learn to like squash or cooked cauliflower?  Kale?  Tomato soup?  I wonder what size I will be in 6 months.  In a year.  I pray that I will no longer be diabetic by the time I am discharged.

We're planning an extended family trip to Williamsburg, VA in a few months, and I gingerly explained to my parents that I won't be comfortable eating with some of their friends who live nearby at that point.  They totally heard me and said they understand that my dietary restrictions will be tough and that I will still be working through what stays down and what won't (which could change on any given day).  They also made sure that the place we're staying at is a condo with a full kitchen, so I don't have to depend on food from a restaurant.  I have to say, my parents are being really supportive.  My mom has totally taken my request for positive-only comments to heart, and has become my biggest cheerleader (well, maybe second to my husband). 

I've also been getting a lot of support online from my WLS surgery friends - which means so much.  My traditional friends have been taking me out, writing me emails of encouragment, and offering to help with the kids - which is all VERY much appreciated.  But my WLS friends know where I am because they've been there, and they know where I'm going.  They are able to handle my panicky questions, like "If I dump after surgery from having too much carbs, I'll have pretty much have the same symptoms as when I become hypoglycemic as a diabetic - but I won't go into a coma and die, like I could now, RIGHT?"  They know my personal brand of crazy, because they've have it to.  It's still there, just in remission.

Everyone has a different story, a different outcome.  All I know is that whatever my best possible outcome is will only happen if I do the best following my surgeon's guidelines.  I trust my surgeon, and I trust God.  How I use this tool, this gift, is up to me.

Pre-admission day

So yesterday I spent 8 hours at hospital C.  The first 1 1/2 hours were waiting for my pre-admission testing orders to show up :(  They had a packet from the Center for Bariatric Surgery (CBS) for me, but for some reason I wasn't yet registered in the computer, showing up with a surgery date, or with orders for my tests.  That was a little nerve wracking, but I figured it would get worked out, and it did.  Better now than on the day of my surgery!

I had 7 tubes of blood drawn, an EKG, a health history, a pulmonary functioning test, and an exam and medicine review by one of the center doctors who handles in-patients.  Then we had 1 1/2 hours of group classes with the nutritionist and the nurse.  The rest of the time was spent waiting for our turns with the various techs, nurses, and doctors.  We also had a taste-test for protein products that we could purchase at the CBS or elsewhere.   Not anything I'll ever crave, but several were tolerable. 

I was very lucky - all of my tests came back fine.  I was the last one of my group of 7 other bariatric patients to have the pulmonary testing, and she said "Ah, my first normal all day!"  Others came back with other problems - one has to have three iron treatments by IV in the next week to treat her PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN severe anemia - Yikes.  At least know she knows part of the reason she's been so tired - it's not just the weight.  Some have to get clearance for things like their blood pressure from their primary care doctors, and everyone other than me has to give themselves blood-thinning injections before surgery, because of risks for clots.  At least one person had to go on a two week Opti-Fast diet before surgery, to lose some weight and shrink her liver.  The nurses and doctor all kept saying "Oh, you're the easy one!" when it was my turn.  I almost felt guilty, because everyone else was having so many issues come up. 

It quickly became apparent that my health was not the only difference.  As a group of 7 women about to have surgery for morbid obesity, we were all ready to spill our guts, share, and bond in our little conference room.  Over and over questions came up that I have read about on the Facebook groups I'm a member of, or in the local support group that I started attending as a pre-op.  Sometimes I volunteered what I knew, other times I said "I think that's something we should ask the nurse/ doctor/ nutritionist". 

I can not tell you how much more prepared I felt than most of the women in the room.  Emotionally, mentally, physically.  I heard comments like "You know, they make low-carb ice cream with protein in it now" and winced.  I tried to explain that while we might have an occasional bite of a treat after we're in maintenance, they really want us to stay away from liquid calories as much as possible.  That anything we eat (after the first 6 weeks, of course) should stay in our pouch as a solid so that we feel satiety.  Went right over their heads; "Well we're not talking about a big bowl of ice cream, just a little one".  Or the woman who wanted the dietician to say it was OK to put Cool Whip on her cappucino protein shake during the liquid phase.  She kept asking in different ways, and the dietician kept saying "Cool Whip doesn't give you anything.  You can add skim milk..." and finally I just said "I think what she is saying is NO."  The inquiring patient was disappointed, because she said she wanted to "pretend it was like regular cappucino".  Ummm.  Missing the point. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel better than ANY of those women.  I just feel that I have already asked those kinds of questions, heard the sad answers and started to wrap my head around them.  I feel like I got a head start because of my virtual online and local in person support group.  I know I will come up with crazy ideas, too.  But that's why I'm so glad to have connected with so many vets already - including self-declared "food nazis".

13 days until surgery, and I've got a lot of organizing, planning and shopping to do.  Plus, some local moms are taking me out to dinner and a movie tomorrow before I'm laid up :)  I'm very blessed to be in my situation, and grateful (SO GRATEFUL) for all of the support I've received already.