Bariatric Betty's Batwings and Blessings

 

A reality of bariatric weight loss (or any huge weight loss) is loose skin.  Our bodies and skin have had to stretch to accommodate too much excess body mass, and the skin can simply not snap back.  It is beyond stretch marks.  It is flaps of skin that must be managed.  For appearances, we learn to stand certain ways (for example, arms are usually down, or at least close to our sides), some enjoy body shapers like Spanx to compress the excess skin around our abdomen, and some have to deal with skin infections that we become prone to with the folded skin.  Think about the care that owners of Sharpei dogs have to put into cleaning the folds of skin on their dogs.  Now imagine that the dogs wear clothing over their folded skin, which traps the dead skin cells, sweat, and bacteria in the folds.  I have been very lucky to have only minor problems with my "skrinkles" as we call them.  No infections.  But still, it has a psychological effect on me.  Every morning I see my flaps around my arms, abdomen, butt, and legs.  Most of the time I find it amusing.  Sometimes I find it awesome -"Wow - that all used to be filled with fat!".  Sometimes I am surprised - "Huh, there's a new fold there!".  Yes, muscle-building and weight training helps give the rest of my body a better shape, but to fill up all the excess skin I have now, I would need to bulk up like a world champion weight lifter/ Popeye. 

I took some pictures of my bicep to give an example.  This is what my arms look like when I'm wearing a bathing suit and my arms are down.

 

 

Pretty normal, right?  And this is what my bicep looks like when I hold it out...

 

I lost about 6 inches around my bicep.  So, I now have 6 extra inches of skin hanging down.  Well, I guess it's three inches folded.  I have the same kind of flaps around my waist that give me a totally different version of a "muffin top".  And then there are the folds under my non-existent butt.  It's so flat it's practically concave now, but has these lovely little folds right under where your underwear stops.  Hee-hee, under where your underwear...  Anyway - those actually give me the most trouble.  They are the smallest flaps of skin I have, but they rub against each other the most when I'm sitting down, squatting, etc - and I get patches of dry skin/ eczema there now.  Oh, and you won't be seeing pictures of any of those flaps ;)

 

I also have trouble sitting down on soft chairs or bucket seats, because the padding that I used to have on my behind is pretty much gone.  My tailbone is now very prominent, and gets very sore.  In a soft seat it is pressed on immediately - I literally can't stand driving in my car for over a 1/2 hour now.  On a hard chair that is flat, I can lean forward a bit and keep the pressure off.  I ended up buying a firm chair pad with a space cut out for your coccyx/ tailbone that I used sitting at our table now, and for longer car rides.  Mostly, I try to think of it as a blessing, because it makes me not want to sit around on my A** that much, so I stay more active!

 

Speaking of blessings, I am happy to say that I have now signed up for a mini-triathalon and 2 5ks in April!  The mini-tri is at our local rec center on April 7th.  Instead of seeing how fast you can run/ bike/ or swim, they time you and you see how FAR you can go in the set time.  15 minutes for the swim, 20 for the bike (on spinning bikes) and 20 for the run/ jog.  It's all indoors, which is a good thing for Cleveland in the spring.  The two 5ks are the 14th and the 27th.  The first is the Cleveland Clinic Health and Wellness Run/Walk here in Solon.  The second is The Color Run in Akron.  I can't believe how my life has changed since bariatric surgery.  I didn't used to be able to run or jog at all, and now I realize I can handle racing two weekends in a row. 

 

I haven't been jogging as much due mostly to bad weather.  A couple of days I have taken advantage of dry ice-free sidewalks and jogged 2 miles, and found that I don't even break a sweat!  Weird, but cool.  We have an excellent rec center with an indoor track that I can jog at, but recently I've been making other choices.  I started doing some upper body weight training, but mostly when I'm there with my kids, I have had to start staying with them in the gym.  My 12 year old pictures himself as a b-baller who can play with the high school boys, and tries to.  Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.  There have been a couple incidents of bullying, so now when my boys want to play basketball at the rec we sit there and watch like a hawk.  There was one older kid who threatened to whip my son with his jump rope when his basketball rolled over and interrupted his rope skipping.  And there was the high school student who threw the ball into my sons head three times in a couple minutes.  The rest of the time it's great, and we're there just in case we see something out of line and then we can let the rec admin know.  Playing street rules (instead of rec league rules) with people 4-6 years older than you means you WILL be knocked down.  He doesn't quite get that yet, so we're working encouraging him to play with kids his own age. 

 

Luckily, I'm still getting plenty of steps in with walking daily (my job helps with that), and my weight is stable, shifting +/- 2 pounds.  Looking forward to Spring Break, and our first trips to Universal Studios and Sea World!



Bariatric Betty's strengths and weaknesses

I have signed up for my second 5k, The Color Run on April 27th in Akron, OH.  It looks like a LOT of fun!  You can watch a video about it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EERSfHiqT8  Basically you run a 5k wearing a white shirt while people throw packets of non-toxic pigment on you.  What I've learned about jogging/ running is that I don't find it fun.  I feel better after I exercise daily, and I am glad I can do it quicker than the same amount of exercise I would do walking.  But do I look forward to jogging?  No.  However, I DID enjoy running a 5k race!

So now I'm looking for fun runs - I'm not trying to win a medal, I want the social aspect.  A bunch of people jogging/ running while wearing costumes, or running to raise money for a good cause, or in the case of The Color Run, running while being silly and finishing looking like one of Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstoppers.  This way I look at jogging as preparing for my next fun race, and I can work on improving my time from a race one year to the same race the next year.

I have also signed up for a mini-triathalon in the beginning of April.  It's being held at our rec center, and they have it down to a science.  You are assigned a wave time, and start out sharing a lane with one other person.  At your start time you swim as far as you can in 15 minutes while they count your laps.  Then you go to the spinning bikes where they track how far you bike in 20 minutes with an odometer on the bike.  Then you go to the indoor track where they track how far you run/ walk in 20 minutes.  That's it!  Well, that makes it sound easy - and I would find doing each of those components easy on any given day - however, doing all three in a row will be challenging, I'm sure!  Not to mention the decrease in my padding around the spin seat-area will likely lead me to stand for most of the ride.  I'm looking forward to it, and will be sure to let you know how it goes - with pics, of course.

One thing about walking and jogging being my primary cardio exercises is that my legs are very strong and in great shape.  However, my upper body has not kept up.  Just yesterday I was bringing in groceries and was reminded yet again that my arms aren't as strong a they used to be.  When I reach up to close my trunk while holding several plastic bags of groceries in each hand, my wrists and arms tremble.  Am I experiencing upper body weakness?  No.  But they aren't as strong as they used to be, partially because they aren't helping me support my extra +100 weight anymore and I haven't been giving them the attention that my legs have been getting. 

So yesterday before work I went to the Rec and did some assisted chin-ups, dips, captain's chair crunches, and torso twists against resistance.  Gotta love the machines that let you counter balance some of your body weight for chin-ups and dips.  I was only supporting about 45 pounds, and it was hard.  I plan on doing it 2-3 times a week and look forward to being able to do more weight and reps.

I went to my monthly support group last night.  I love my support group!  They are such a blessing;  these women are truly fabulous.  As one of the other members said "All of you are beautiful, and you have a 'glow' around you".  We have pre-ops, recent post-ops, people a year out, all the way to people 11 years out.  Good ideas, answers to questions, and tough love when needed.  The support of my family means so much to me - and unfortunately, not all WLS patients have that.  But the support of people who have traveled my road, who understand the challenges, temptations and inner demons I wrestle with - nothing can replace that.

Bariatric Betty's 1st surgiversary! Pics, measurements, and excitement

Yesterday I celebrated my first surgiversary - and it was AWESOME!  My day started off with my husband, 12 year-old and 9 year-old having me sit on a bizarre contraption.  My husband had balanced a pillow on top of a folded folding chair, on top of an upholstered storage unit.  Then he took the chair legs, one son took the chair back, and the other one grabbed the chair side behind me and they lifted me up!  I felt like there should be trumpets playing - or maybe Hava Nagila ;)!

I don't have a picture of that - everybody in the house with opposing thumbs was involved and I didn't know to get my camera set up with a timer!  I did try to take a picture of me "planking" sideways while they held me up later (I was trying to copy something I'd seen someone else do) and could have gotten us on America's Funniest Home Videos if we had been taping...  Also, word of advice to WLS patients who might think that sounds good - loose skin hanging sideways in a picture is NOT your friend.  So... this is a picture of two of them presenting me with roses later on :)

 

My family has been such a support to me during my journey, and I have great confidence they will continue to be.  Here's a picture of me one year ago:

 

 

 My family stood by me then, and they stand by me now.  They understand I can't let my social interactions revolve around food.  And when we do eat out together, they try to find places I'm comfortable to eat.  All day I kept thinking about "a year ago I was in pre-op right now, a year ago I was coming out of surgery, a year ago I was talking my first walk..."  It was very emotional. 

Here's another thing that was emotional for me to do.  Make a new composite.  This is 3 months pre-op, 1 month post op, 4 months post-op, 6 months post-op, 1 year post-op.

Now for some hard figures to spell it out.  My highest weight was 243.3 pounds.  On my surgiversary I was 143 even, just over 100 pounds lost.  In the picture on the left, my weight was 237.  Here is a comparison of measurements from 3 months pre-op to today:

 

                     November 2011                2/16/2013           Inches lost

Waist            45.3 inches                      33 inches               12.3

Hips            46.5 inches                      34.5 inches               12

Chest band         41.3 inches                   33.3 inches             8  

Thigh            24 inches                     18.8 inches                 5.2

Bicep              16 inches                      11 inches                  5

Total inches lost 43.5!  I didn't measure my neck, but I can guess I lost at least 6 inches there as well.  Insane. 

Volunteering at a school event that required standing for an hour used to leave me sweating like a pig.  Now I run 5ks. 

I used to be diabetic, taking oral meds and insulin injections 4 times a day.  My diabetes was reversed the day of surgery, and now my only concern is my Reactive Hypoglycemia, which I can avoid. 

I am still being treated for depression, but my meds have been cut in half.

I now have enough energy to work outside the home, at my son's elementary school. 

I no longer need to take naps to make it through the day (although occasionally I will take one for fun)!

My biggest change is one my husband helped me realize at about 4 months post-op.  He came down one morning, looked at me and got very concerned.  "Are you OK?  Is something wrong?"  "No, why?" I replied.  "You're not smiling.  You ALWAYS smile now.  I haven't seen you not smiling since your surgery!"  It's true, I'm a much happier person now.  I still get upset occasionally, the kids can still get on my nerves, and I can still have grumpy days, but for the most part I'm very happy.  I feel like I've got everything I have ever really wanted.  Loving friends and family, a safe home, being appreciated at work, and being healthy. 

This is GREAT, but now comes the hard part.  My sense of hunger is coming back.  My pouch can hold more than it used to.  There won't be much more changes in my measurements.  My weight is stable +/- 2 pounds daily.  I am going to keep trying to get my body fat percentage down a bit, but as it will be replaced by muscle, it won't show up on the scale.  The compliments will decrease as more and more people get used to seeing me, or never knew the bigger me.  I have to keep working the program, eating according to the rules, exercising the same - or I will regain.  My calorie consumption will need to stay about 1200 calories a day at my current activity level.  I dump, so I will not be able to indulge in carbs without getting sick - and that's a good thing. 

I will eat to live, not live to eat.  I will find ways to treat myself that don't have anything to do with food - like yesterday.  I was properly fitted for new bras by a pro named Nancy at Nordstrom's.  My 4 new bras cost over $300, but I'm going to be wearing the heck out of them so I know I'll get at least 100 wears out of each, and they do EVERYTHING I needed them to do, plus - they're PRETTY.  People who have never been obese might not know but it is very hard to find a really supportive and comfortable bra size 44DD/EE.  Forget about it being attractive.   It was hard to swallow that bill yesterday, but it was harder to swallow the similarly ones for bras that looked awful. 

My next treat will be getting my rings re-sized.  I have been winding medical tape around them to keep them from falling off.  It will take a while to save up for it, because I'm going to incorporate some stones from other rings (my 10th anniversary and my late mother-in-law's ring) as well. 

It comes down to making the right choices every day.  Most days I do really well, but some days I don't.  I recently read Al Roker's "Never Goin' Back" and feel the same way.  This will never be "over", but I will never go "back" either.  It is worth everything to be here for my family longer, and be able to enjoy life more.  I give thanks to my family, friends, surgeon, and God for this second chance at life.  Forward!
 

Bariatric Betty says "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"

People treat me differently now that I'm not obese.  It was something I had heard from post-ops before surgery and prepared myself for.  The overwhelming majority of that change is positive.  It mostly makes me happy, but there is a downside.  It makes it very clear how much nicer some people are to "typical" weight people and how much many ignore or are even rude to overweight and obese people. 

Maybe it's because they identify more with a typical weight person?  Birds of a feather flock together?  But weight isn't someone's identity.  Yet studies how that people, even highly educated people, identify overweight people as lazy, undisciplined, and sloppy. 

Complete strangers are now much more likely to hold a door open for me.  More strangers start conversations with me, or tell me to go ahead of them in line.  The number of smiles I get from strangers has increased - and I've always been one to smile at strangers, so that hasn't been the source of the change.  I think it's just now that more of them are looking at me long enough to see that I'm smiling, so they smile back.  In general, it makes the world feel like a happier, friendlier place. 

Peers I see invite me to join them more often - I'm not talking about friends.  I'm talking about co-workers and people I know from my kid's schools.  I don't usually take them up on the offers, because it usually involves lunch out or drinks or something else that would be difficult/ impossible for me post-op.  But it's really nice to be asked.

Friends have also changed - although much less.  These were people who knew and loved me at my heaviest.  They accepted me as is then, and they accept me now - just with more compliments!  I can't tell you what it's like after most of a lifetime of being unhappy with how I looked to get compliments telling me I look "cute", "tiny", "healthy", or shockingly "hot!". 

There is a small minority, however, where the change is not positive.  I had been warned about this by WLS veterans.  They said that sometimes if you have a gang of girls, and you suddenly change your appearance by dropping a lot of weight, your social "position" in the group can become unstable.  Instead of being the supportive fat friend, or the funny fat friend, or the fat friend that makes the pretty girls look better in comparison, they don't know how to "classify" you in the hierarchy.  They might even feel challenged for what they see as their role as the "pretty" one. 

I didn't expect to face that - partly because I don't hang out with gangs of girls.  I tend to see my friends one at a time.  I was never one to go out to a bar with in a group.  Frankly, I wasn't one to go out to a bar!  Funny thing was, I was part of a gang of girls, I just hadn't realized it.  The neighborhood bus stop moms.

I live in a great neighborhood.  The day I moved in two different neighbors came over with brownies and cookies.  Another sent her girls over to show my boys around the neighborhood.  My next door neighbor came over and introduced herself and offered her help.  After the quiet community with a lot of retirees I used to live in, it was a little startling. 

Next week, 2/16/2013 is my first "surgiversary".  I can't wait to celebrate!  I told my husband to hold off on any flowers or anything for Valentine's Day, I would rather celebrate on the 16th (and it will be cheaper - bonus!).  I have my 1 year post-op next Wednesday with my surgeon and I'm really looking forward to it. 

 

Bariatric Betty - broken records

The last week has been a good one.  Thanksgiving went according to plan - I kept things simple and relaxed at our house and everyone had a good time.  We even got some good family pictures!  I really enjoy having my picture taken now, which still strikes me as funny after years of dreading it.  We got to see a lot of family, including one Aunt who is considering weight loss surgery.

My uncle asked me if I would feel comfortable talking about my experience with her.  LOL. Yeah, we don't talk much anymore, so he didn't know the answer to that question.  My main concern was if he or family members were pressuring her to consider surgery since mine has gone so well.  I am HAPPY to talk about my surgery with anyone, and encourage people who are interested, but so many people don't realize that the surgery doesn't solve the problem.  They think "If my loved one just does this, then in a year she'll have lost all this weight and we can go on with our lives with her healthy."  If only it was that easy.

First, you have to understand why you're obese to begin with.  Why do you eat what you eat?  Are you a volume over-eater? Are you a sweets junkie?  Are you a sugared soda or coffee addict?  Are you a carbaholic?  Do you drink alcohol often?  Are you an emotional eater?  When you've been on diets do you "cheat" often?  How active are you, and how active are you willing to be?  Are you trying to hide under your layers of fat - trying to make yourself disappear?  Are you trying to push people away with your size?  These issues have to be identified and addressed before surgery- yes, you can change how much and what you're going to eat, but if the reasons you got this way don't change then any loss will be temporary. 

Then there are the risks of the surgery.  People die.  Other people have serious complications.  Some of us have none (like me) but you can't expect that outcome.  Does your insurance even cover weight loss surgery?  If it does, can you afford your portion of the cost?  Are you prepared to be on a pre-approval medically supervised diet for 3, 6, or even 9 months before you even find out if your insurance will approve your surgery?  Do you have medical records documenting your obesity for several years?  Do you log/ journal your food - every bite?  These are things you will have to do.  There will be ongoing costs after surgery - you will be on supplements for the rest of your life - over the counter supplements that will not be covered by insurance.  Then there are the extra labs and doctor's visit you will need to pay for as well (again, for the rest of your life).

Are you ready for the scrutiny that accompanies the knowledge that you are a WLS patient?  The feeling that people are watching what you're eating (either out of curiosity or concern) all the time.  Sometimes they watch with judgement.  Are you prepared for "bad pouch days" when food gets stuck in the new stomach's stoma and makes you sick?  Can you give up drinking while eating (and for an hour afterword) for the rest of your life?  Can you limit yourself to eaing mostly protein for the rest of your life?  No, you will never eat like "normal" people do.  Yes, sometimes you will be able to fake it, but you will spend a large chunk of time figuring out how you will satisfy your nutritional needs and restrictions every day FOREVER.  Going out to eat requires pre-planning/ homework.  It won't feel fun and like a treat.  Going on vacation bring s similar planning and stress.  Eating at a friend's house can be uncomfortable because of your situation - imagine being allergic to gluten and dairy.  That's an example of how some people have to change their diet post-op - some can't handle wheat products at all but those who can eat it can't have much, and some become lactose intolerant.  There will be no more alcohol.  Your doctor may give you permission to drink a small glass of wine or beer after a year post-op, but most will say "No."  We are at high risk for alcohol related problems because of how our modified bodies metabolize the alcohol.

Family support can mean everything in the chances for your success.  If your spouse is supportive and encouraging it can go a long way.  But does your spouse have a history of sabotaging previous efforts to get healthy?  Encouraging you to cheat "just one little bite" or insisting on having snacks around for him or her that are too tempting for you?  Your new lifestyle will change your family's lifestyle as well, and while it will likely make them healthier they won't always like it.  Many people with rocky relationships see those relationships deteriorate after surgery.   The non WLS patient partner can feel jealous of the attention you get (especially from the opposite sex) and the time you are spending focusing on yourself that you used to spend on them.  If you have problems in your relationship your weight loss will not fix them.  I'm a firm believer that all WLS patients should seek counseling before surgery.  Sometimes couples therapy is also helpful. 

Are you prepared for the ongoing struggle both mentally and physically that will not go away?  This surgery fixes your stomach to a small size, but it does not fix your brain.  90% of our struggle is in our brain.  Sometimes I feel like a broken record talking about it, but it's true.  

Having gatric bypass surgery is one of the best things in my life, but it is not to be done lightly. 

Speaking of broken records, I had a couple this week.  I reached a new "low" on the scale, which is always fun.  My weight is fluctuating up and down +/- 2 pounds these days, but I'm losing about 1 pound a month on average.  My other broken record was a jog I did. 3.3 miles!!!  It felt great, especially because it was on new fallen snow and I felt like celebrating that I didn't fall once!  The adreneline from the fear of falling probably hyped my endorphins up a bit.  My 5k is in 8 days, and I can't wait.  I hope my 12 year old can keep up with me :)
 

Bariatric Betty recieves a random act of kindness

This morning my son and I went to Subway before school.  He has a field trip and they needed a lunch that was disposable (no lunch box), plus he loves their Veggie Patty subs so for special I agreed to pick one up for him.  The election results were being discussed on the radio station playing in the store, and as I checked out the cashier leaned over and gestured to me.  I thought maybe she was going to say something about the election outcome, but instead she said "You look really good!  Really.  Whatever you're doing, you just keep on doing it!"  Wow.  I can't even tell you how much that lifted me up.  First, I only go to Subway about 1-2 times a month, so I only vaguely recognized her and was surprised she recognized me as having changed at all.  Second, I  was bundled up in a winter coat and knit hat, without makeup, and wouldn't have said I felt particularly attractive.  I was so surprised that all I could say was "Thank you, you're so nice". 

How amazing that a stranger can have such a big impact on us.  Obviously, as a WLS patient she happened to say something that touched my heart.  But it made me think of the random acts of kindness and secret santas that you hear about during the holidays.  People paying for the person behind them in the drive through.  Helping pay off layaways for strangers.  In my case, just a kind word that made my heart feel like it swelled and almost made me cry.  It reminded me that not only must we guard against bullying, hate, and destructive thoughts/ people, we must look for opportunities to help others.  With kind words, kind thoughts, kind actions. 

We can reach out to other WLS patients with encouragement.  We can thank people who serve us in their jobs.  This morning I stopped at Walmart and mentioned I had forgotten something when I was line and the cashier started to call somebody to go get it for me.  Wow.  I told her not to do it, that I didn't need to be at work for a little while, I didn't want to hold up the line and I knew that they had plenty of other things to do, I could get it and check out again.  She was surprised, and thanked me saying that it wasn't often that they heard from people that they work hard.  I made sure to tell her supervisor how nice she was.  Maybe she will feel a little lifted herself today. 

We can give thanks for our blessings and remember how lucky we are.  Regardless of your feelings about the election, we can be thankful that in our country we have the right to choose our leaders.  As I look at my pile of dirty laundry I can be thankful that unlike the people in New Jersey, we have all the warm clothes we need - not to mention safe and dry homes.  We can make donations to the Red Cross.  As our children begin fantasizing about Christmas and Hanukkah gifts, we can help them learn about giving to others.  Picking out presents for children in need.  Donating our outgrown (or out-shrunk in my case) coats and mittens.  Organizing or participating in a food drive. 

The days are getting colder and wetter - especially as Sandy came through Ohio.  After almost a week of solid rain we had just a few breaks that even included glimpses of blue sky in between the dark clouds.  This has been rough on my training routine, as I regularly get a lot of cardio walking and jogging with my dog.  There's only so much I can get him to do in the rain, however, and jogging in my rain boots isn't practical.  So my steps-per-day has taken a hit, both from my workouts and from the fact that the rain has meant indoor recess for my job at the school.  Sometimes I get to do Wii Just Dance with them, but other times, it's walking around a classroom and encouraging them as they color or play board games.  A couple of times I've done a workout on my elliptical, and I'm still going to the rec center a couple times a week to jog or swim.  As the weather gets worse, I'll need to do that more.  I bought some Under Armor Cold Gear pants to jog in.  After the complement I received today, I felt like running an extra mile today!

However, I decided to carpe diem and signed up for a 5k!  This might sound counter-intuitive as the length of time I'm running has decreased both because of bursitis in my hip and weather, but I need the challenge.  I've always thrived on challenges - to do better than I've done before, to prove someone wrong who underestimated me, to accomplish something new...  So when Living Social had a deal for a discounted registration for the Jingle Bell Run in Cleveland I decided to jump on it.  After all, as another jogger told me - just because you sign up for a 5k doesn't mean you can't walk part of it if you want to!   I would love to jog the whole thing, but will play it by ear & hip.  It's a run to raise money for the Arthritis Foundation and I'm running it in honor of my husband.  He has struggled with rheumatoid arthritis since he was a child, at times being unable to walk or use his hands.  He is also a source of inspiration to me.  There are the times when I cheered him on in triathalons and the times when he can't sleep because of pain but still gets up in the morning to go to work or play with our kids.  He is my biggest supporter, and I wish that he could have a surgery and get a chance at a pain free life, but arthritis doesn't work like that.  So I'm running both for myself and for him - and he'll be running with me in spirit. 

Halloween wasn't a big source of temptation for me right now, I'm not craving candy and am still scared of dumping but I have some things I do to improve my chances of making healthy choices.  My strategies include 1) out of site/ out of mind - store the halloween candy in a cabinet I don't go into 2) mostly buy things I don't enjoy - this is easier for me because I'm allergic to chocolate and 3) get it out of the house ASAP.  My kids know that they have to choose their favorites after trick-or-treating and then they each get a sandwich baggie to fill with their choices.  The rest usually goes to work with my hubby, but this year the middle school is having a candy drive for our armed forces overseas, so I think we'll send it there. 

I've started my holiday baking, and am enjoying it a lot.  Right now I'm making poticia, a Slovenian nut roll that takes a lot of time to make.  I've had no temptations to eat it, so that's good.  As soon as I finish cooling and wrapping it, it goes right into the downstairs freezer.  After I finish that I'll start on the cookies.  My family has had a long history with cookies - we even decorate our Christmas tree with them!  My parents always hosted a New Year's Eve cookie party for my friends as I was growing up.  That way they knew we were safe and off the roads, our friends enjoyed coming and eating cookies all night, and our fun was all g-rated.  We do the same for our kids.  Cookie baking has the potential to be more tempting - I used to love snacking on cookie dough, a definite no-no.  If I find myself picking at the dough or tasting the frosting, I will stop baking.  We'll just have to find a new tradition.  It's not worth making myself sick with dumping or backsliding into old habits.  So in a way, this is another challenge that I'm signing up for - continuing to prove to myself that I am a person who will enjoy the creativity and fun of baking without eating it.  I've done it before - I was pre-op dieting last year during my baking season, so this year I just have even more reason to stay on the program. 

At my last support group meeting we had a great idea I thought I would pass on to my readers.  Next month we're going to have a swap, where we each bring in things we don't use that others might be able to enjoy.  For me that will include some packets of protein powder that I never enjoyed and didn't need post-op, some Hazelnut Torani, and some Lactaid tablets.  That way some other vets and pre-ops can benefit from some of my "misses" and maybe some of theirs will be a "hit" with me.  I plan on giving someone $60 of PHP protein powder that I didn't use :)  Pass it on - or pay it forward.

If someone does you a kindness or you get a chance to do one for someone else, post it on Facebook.   You could say "I saw someone ...."  instead of saying you did it yourself so nobody thinks you're blowing your own horn.   Let's start that holiday goodwill early, and try to inspire others to do the same. 

 

Bariatric Betty's a shadow of her former self - PICS!

I'm blown away.  After seeing some pictures people had taken of them "wearing" a pair of pants they used to fit in pre-surgery by fitting both legs into 1 leg of the pants, I decided to try it.  So yesterday I dug through my old clothes and couldn't find any of my old size 20 pants - I donated a lot of clothes right after surgery.  But, I did find a pair of size 18 jeans and tried it.  It worked!  The funniest thing was that they were tightest around my calves and ankles, the THIGHS fit in easily.  So when I went to visit my father-in-law with my boys I had a documenting session.  This is the picture my son Justin took of me!

Seriously?  Holey cow. 

So, the second part of my documenting was the body tracing.  Flashback: the weekend before my surgery, my younger son Ian and I were talking and I realized that even though I thought I had explained the surgery really well to him, he thought I would be coming home from the hospital skinny, or at least signifigantly smaller!  So, in an effort to explain the reality, I laid down on a piece of posterboard and had him trace my torso.  Then I filled in some of the internal organs involved in red (a little hard for you to see on the pink posterboard, but it worked for him and that's who I made it for).  Then I used a blue marker to show where the cuts would be made on my skin, and what the surgeon would do on the inside.  Then I explained that when I got home, the outline of my body would still be the same, that is would take months of my new eating and exercise for it to get smaller.   I ended up cutting it out yesterday and laid it against a blue background.

About 5 months post-op I was curious to see how my "new" body would compare to the old one, so I laid down on the pink posterboard again and had my son trace me again.  That's the smaller outline you can see inside.  I was surprised (and pleased) to see that it had changed that much at that point.  Then I decided that when I had reached my equivalent of "goal weight" (my doctor never set a number, but I had suggested being in the 150s and he thought that was great) I would do it again.  That evolved into thinking that I would have my son trace me again on a different piece of posterboard and cut it out so I could lay it over the old me. 

Now I'm in the 140s (never really thought that could happen 8 months ago) and my guess is this is pretty close to my final weight.  I'm down to 28.3 % body fat I would like to see that go down a little (healthy is considered 25), but I think that will be more turning fat into muscle, so the scale won't change that much.  95 pounds down from my initial weight.  So, time for the tracing! 

OK, I have to say that my son's tracing must have angled in under my muffin top, my chest, and the rest of me, and apparently when I lay down my bat wings go underneath the rest of my arm.  I considered having him retrace me and tell him to try to make sure the chalk went straight down - there were a couple spots that his tracing seemed to have two different tracks (I cut on the larger one).  But then I decided no - he had done all the other tracings of me without directions like that - he might have been angling those as well.  So you can see from my picture at the top that my arms are not stick-like - so take this as more as a perspective, not reality - but WOW!

So after I spent a while wrapping my head around THIS I realized something else.  I lost 30 pounds BEFORE the pink one was made.  My pink self could have been BIGGER.

This shows me as literally a shadow of my former self.  But I don't see myself as a shadow.  I see myself as distilled, or concentrated.  The essence of me, with the excess and unneccesary boiled away by walking, jogging, swimming.  I am distilled.  I am high proof. 

Bariatric Betty laughs and victories (scale and non-scale)

OK, for everyone who needs a laugh... My "shrinkles" (wrinkles of excess skin) continue to be amusing.  Most recently I found out that when you have goosebumps on top of shrinkles, it can look really bizarre.  Note to the non-WLS patient readers - we get cold, a lot.  Imagine that you had lived most of your life wearing multiple wool sweaters in all weather, and then suddenly they were taken off.  Our thermostat is out of whack, so we tend to get cold easily (and stay cold a long time) just like the elderly.  Anyway, catching site of myself naked while chilled led me to an instant one-phrase description: Pink Seersucker!  That's what my skin looked like.  I was amused enough to consider taking a picture - but not crazy enough to do it.  Pseudonym or not, I don't want naked pictures online!  So after googling pink seersucker online, here's my best representation of what "shrinkled" goose-bumped skin looks like:

The only thing I would add is that the goosebumps appear about 4 times larger than they do on normal skin - I think mostly because the skin is so loose.  It looked a cross between goosebumps and hives!  

During my stall, I've kept looking for NSV's.  The most recent one was I went through the last of the clothes that I purchased 6 months ago (at 5 weeks post-op) at our school district's sale (Budget Bin).  On the last day of the sale, you can purchase a bag for $5, and then fill it with anything!  I chose to buy a lot of clothes that way, since I was still a size 16 in pants, and 2x/1x in tops.   Everything was just on faith that I might fit into them someday.  I got a lot of pants, because I had already discovered during the first 5 weeks of shrinking that while you can wear too-big shirts forever, too-big pants will FALL DOWN.  Of course, it is flattering and emotionally strengthening to wear correct sizes, but during the rapid weight loss phase, you simply can't affort to keep buying new clothes.  So, I got a lot of 14s and 12s, some 10s, and 1 pair of size 8 and one pair of size 6 pants.  I really never expected to go below a size 10.  When I was starving myself to be skinny in high school I wore a size 10 at 112 pounds.  Since I know that wasn't a healthy weight, I knew I would never be that small again, but then there is vanity sizing. 

A size 10 now isn't a size 10 from 25 years ago.  Talking with some neighborhood moms has reinforced my estimation that you can weigh 30-40 pounds more (plus have given birth to children - that means wider hip bones, people) and still fit in the "same size" you used to.   So when I got down to a size 10 I was surprised and pleased, but I knew that it's also a lie they sell us.  Then a little while ago I blogged that I bought some size 8 jeans.  They actually fit.  That was unexpected for me -although not for my mentor Jojo, who has been telling me I would fit in a size 8 or smaller since I was pre-op.  She's smirking right now and thinking "I TOLD you so!".  I had only gotten the size 8 and 6 pairs of pants because they were "free" since I had extra room in my bag, and from upscale shops.  So here's the NSV - the other morning I was getting ready for work and realized the the jeans I was putting on were stained, and everything else that fit was in the laundry already.  I dug through my drawers and found the Size 6 Ann Taylor khakis and thought "Why not try them?" and they FIT.  Well, they fit around my waist and hips - they weren't petite so I had to wear boots with heels so I didn't trip (note to self- never again wear heels to work, walking constantly for 2 1/2 hours in heels is PAINFUL).  Now for the reality check - I also just tried on a 10 petite pair of jeans that I found in the same drawer which I had missed before and other than being highly unflattering - they were snug around my waist.  But still - I'll take the NSV - I fit into a size 6 pant!

The stall has broken!  My second longer stall (about 4 weeks) and the scale started moving again.  This wasn't as hard for me as you might think.  I'm very happy with my success so far, and when the first big stall happened and I started to wonder if I was at the end of my weight loss - and then I came to the conclusion that if it was, I was OK with that.  No longer diabetic, no longer morbidly obese or even obese, able to jog and keep up with my kids... if I was "stuck" there for the rest of my life, how bad would that be?  Totally worth changing my life for.  Four pounds and a month later and I stalled again.  Again, I didn't feel the panic and frustration I felt before surgery during stalls.  Keep working the program, just be happy for where I am... and apparently I'm not done yet!

As of this morning I am under 150 pounds for the first time since college.  This was the most remote possibility I considered in weight loss when I talked about goals with my surgeon.  Despite what BMI charts would lead me to believe, I don't believe I can be a healthy weight below 135.  Being top-heavy with a large chest and broad shoulders, not to mention my excess skin, the range of 113 - 141 for "normal" for average people people my height doesn't translate well.  So I had talked about wanting to get down into the 160's, that I would be thrilled to be in the 150's and I guess the lightest I could imagine being happy and healthy at was the 140's.  And now I'm there.  Whoa. 

So I'm not even 8 months out and I've lost about 95 pounds.  I don't think I need to lose any more (although my vanity would like to be able to say "I lost 100 pounds!").  I would like to exchange some more fat for muscle (around my abdomen, where I have always carried the most fat) - but wouldn't everyone?  We don't get to choose where our fat comes off.  My non-existant rear-end has thinned out further, and my legs which always were one of my best features have enough excess skin hanging on them that when I lift my leg up while laying down, it looks like one of those drippy-candles my mom used to have in old wine bottles.

You know, with the excess wax pooling around in layers at the bottom!  It's weird.  I have the bat wings under my arms, too.  All of this I consider battle scars and a strange source of pride - although I have taken effort to learn how to display the best part of my evolving body.  I will wear sleeveless shirts and dresses, but will keep my arms down and in close to my body most of the time - especially if there are pictures.  I'm most comfortable wearing a swimsuit with a skirt to hid the excess skin folds around my rear.  My chest is actually decreasing in size (YAY!!!) - although with the amount of skin I have it still fills a "D" cup easily.  If I ever have plastic surgery it will be a long-dreamed-of breast reduction - although I now wonder if the excess skin was removed how much additional reducing would be needed.  This is a bonus - even at that too-skinny stage in high school I was a 32DD.  I don't know why my body has decided to let go of some of the volume there now, but I'm not complaining!  So much has changed about my life; my body and health, getting a job, and how I can participate in more things with my friends and family.  But inside I'm still the same person, I just enjoy my life a lot more.
 

6 mo. post-op and Bariatric Betty's Birthday (+ pics)

Today is both my 6 month post-op appointment, and my 42nd birthday.  This is what I looked like at my birthday with my family at First Watch last year:

I had just started looking into bariatric surgery, was looking forward to my first information session and already knew that if I did it, this might be the very last birthday cake of my life.  Being diabetic at the time, I couldn't have much, but I did enjoy that carrot cake.   I was 243 pounds.

This year I celebrated my birthday with my family at an Indian's Game at Progressive Field this weekend.  My mom (the person laughing hysterically in the picture below) brought her "birthday hat" which I consented to wear for the picture.  That's my brother who was kind enough to acknowledge he was related to both of us.

When I was getting ready for the game I realized that I didn't have an Indian's shirt in my size any more.  I asked my son if I could try on one of his, a men's Medium, and it fit! Last year I would have worn a men's XL or XXL.   I had a lot of NSVs that day.  My favorite was realizing that when all the kids and I went to go to the batting cages, we could climb over empty seats and (wait for it) climb BETWEEN the bars of a railing instead of making people in the row stand up for us to get out.  I stood there looking at those bars for about 10 seconds before I suggested it.  I kept thinking "OK, those bars are about 16 inches apart.  You know you should be able to get through there now." before I really believed I could do it - and then I proved myself right! 


This morning as people wished me a happy 42nd birthday I realized that I am healthier, in better shape, and happier than I was at 22.  How wild is that?!?


Today at my 6 month post-op appointment I found out I have lost 67% of my excess weight - 60 pounds since surgery for a grand total of 89!  At 5'2" and 154 pounds the doctor was very impressed.  I told him that while I would be fine staying this weight, I'm going to keep working the program and just see where my body ends up.  My ego would like to lose 11 more pounds at least so that I could say "I lost 100 pounds!".  My brain has decided that my body fat measurement is a better indicator of success for me at this point than the scale.  My goal is to hit 25% body fat or less.  I'm at 30% right now, and weight loss has definitely slowed down.  I only lost 17 pounds over this past 3 months, but I also lost over 5% in body fat.   I'm hoping I can get the next 5% off by my surgiversary.  I also signed up to be an "angel" to new bariatric patients - being willing to talk with them over the phone about my experience, and visit them in the hospital.


I jogged 28 minutes today, even though I considered taking the day off from training with the combination of appointments and my birthday - but then I realized that keeping my momentum going meant more to me than sitting at home relaxing.  I hummed the olympic theme again to myself on my final lap, and my boys told me "Good Job, Mom!".  As a birthday favor, they didn't complain about training today ;) 


I made a new composite picture - unfortunately when my computer's hard drive died a couple months ago I lost my "doorway" preop picture (you can see it to the left of this post on the previous composite), but I found one from last Christmas that shows most of me.  This is my PreOp/ 1 month post/ 4 month post/ 6 month post-op composite picture. 

I couldn't have gotten this far without the support of my husband Albert, my family, my friends, my mentor JoJo, and my online and in-person support groups.  Thank you so much for helping me re-start my life.  I'm not done, and I'm sure I will have challenges and bumps in the road, but I can't believe how far I've come already.  In my wildest dreams I didn't imagine that this much would have changed in 6 months. 

Bariatric Betty's body and mind - new pics

I'm coming up on my 6 month post-op point and so much has changed.  Many things, but not everything.

I am no longer diabetic!!!  That will always deserve first billing and multiple exclamation points.  I know that not everybody who has WLS has their diabetes go into remission, and that it can return, but so far I am among the lucky ones and hope to stay that way.  I was just talking to my 9 year old about it yesterday.  That I can assume I will live to see my kids grow up and maybe see grandkids or even great-grandkids some day is something I could not presume before. 

My body continues to morph into a previously unknown thing.  I wrote months ago about the bizarre feeling of realizing that my hips were holding up my pants (instead of my belly).  The first step in that particular revelation was understanding that those two bumps on my front that were feeling pressure from jeans, were in fact, bones.  Bones that I had never before noticed, but had always been there.  These bones weren't visible, but were noticeable for the first time because of the decrease in the fat pad that laid over them.

Recently I have experienced the surfacing of other underlying structures - bones, tendons, etc.  These are not always fun - they are sometimes startling.  I am reminded of an article I read several years ago where a formerly obese woman suddenly notice the prominence of her shoulder blades and thought she might be deformed. 

Lying on my side, the excess skin and fat redistributing down with gravity leaves my hip and pelvis remarkably exposed.  I find myself squeezing them, poking them, and outlining them as I get to know this new "normal" for me.  A few times I have asked my husband to feel them as well, and let me feel his bones to compare and reassure myself that these are indeed, normal.  You mean average people feel these things every time they lay down?  Weird. 

The Anterior Superior Iliac Spine.  Yeah, I looked it up.  Those bumps that help hold my pants up are now painful at times.  Not when active, nothing like arthritis.  They hurt when I lay down on my stomach - my preferred sleeping position.  I think it is more accurate to say that my skin hurts. Having less padding between the bones and skin has apparently made me very sensitive to the pressure.  I frequently find myself putting a pillow under my pelvis (in addition to the thick mattress pad we also have) to give a little extra cushioning. 

I also have lower back pain - a common complaint in WLS patients.  Our center of gravity has changed, and our core muscles are having trouble adjusting to the redistribution.  In my case, my large chest has always caused some back pain, and now that weight is leaving other parts of my body much more than my chest, that increased ratio has resulted in increased pain.  Just leaning forward when brushing my teeth can be fine 20 times, but the 21st and I look like the stereotypical old man, hunched over with a hand on their back.  Most frequently the pain comes when I'm getting up from a lying down position.

I enjoy seeing muscle definition in my legs and shoulders.  I think seeing definition in my clavicles and shoulder blades is attractive!  I never carried much of my weight in my legs, but the jogging has reshaped them anyway.  Feeling the steely tendons around my knees is fun.  Which brings me to a LACK of pain in my knees.  Many morbidly obese people have significant orthopedic issues, hip pain and knee pain being very common.  I was lucky not to have those.  However, I have always had "bad" knees, and even when just "overweight" would have problems where my knees occasionally "popped" out of alignment when I was running or climbing.  That would result in my being on crutches for a week or two at a time.  It didn't happen when I was a morbidly obese adult because I wasn't doing high impact exercise. 

When I started Couch-to-5k training I was very nervous about how my knees would react.  I found that if I opened up my stride and ran it hurt my knees almost immediately, but if I ran short strides low to the ground I stayed pain free.  Having my muscles and tendons tighter than they've probably ever been has given me more support, and I haven't had one incidence of "popping".  Yesterday I actually jogged 25 minutes and felt fine (although really tired) when I was done.  This is a picture of me from last Friday when I finished my first 22 minute jog.

A little hot, a little sweaty, tired and thirsty - but happy.  I can't say I ENJOY jogging, but I find it very rewarding when I'm done.  In two weeks I should be jogging 30 minutes at a time - that is supposed to be the equivalent of a 5k!  When I have completed that challenge, my goal is to 1) choose a 5k to actually run in and 2) Start training my dog in the Pooch-to-5k so that we can change our morning walk to a morning jog.  Next goal - Tackle the Tower  - a stair climbing challenge to climb the Terminal Tower in Cleveland. 

However, parts of my mind remain stubbornly unchanged.  I find myself choosing sedentary things - being online (like now), watching TV, reading - more often than active ones.  I can and do join my kids when they go swimming, play ball, etc for a while, but then often grab a book while they continue to play.  My fitbit calls me active, burning lots of calories and getting over 10,000 steps a day, but I have long periods between active times when I sit - and I don't have a desk job.  I hope those periods start to decrease.  I know once the school year starts I will be standing and walking 2 1/2 more hours a day M-F again.  The head-work continues to be the hardest part of this journey.

Looking forward to my 6 month post-op checkup on my 42nd birthday next week.  I'll be sure to post again then.

Bariatric Betty embraces "athlete" - new pic

OK, so that was a bit of a tease.  The "athlete" I am embracing is the title, and getting used to using it for myself. 

It should come as no shock that I've never been very athletic before.  How many morbidly obese people are?  When I was on a swim team in elementary school I was quickly labled slow and used to fill slots at meets where we didn't have enough "good" swimmers to compete.  Let me tell you, being told to compete in the 100m butterfly when I couldn't even really DO the butterfly was humiliating.  Heaven forbid they just let the lane be empty.  I was OK on diving team - not great, but at least I could place occasionally.   I played defense on the community league soccer in junior high.  I enjoyed biking to school a lot through high school, and became a lifeguard.  As an overweight adult I spent a year doing Master's Swimming (without going to meets, just working out with the team) and became a pretty good endurance swimmer (1-2 miles).   As an obese mom I spent hours biking to earn points for Weight Watchers. As a morbidly obese mom I finally gave in to encouragement and started doing Tai Kwon Do at the school my sons attended.  That was REALLY fun.  In fact, after about 4 months I competed at a tournament and won the only gold medal/ first place in an athletic event I have ever received.  *Full disclosure - it was only me and a grandfather competing in that round, but I was still proud I beat him, and so were my kids!

I have been walking 1-2.3 miles a day with my dog for the past 3 years.  Most days 2.3 miles since surgery.  In the winter before surgery I picked up an elliptical on Craig's List and used it religously.  Starting at 6 weeks post-op in April through June I was walking an additional 5000 steps a day M-F as a school monitor, and that boosted my average daily steps up to at least 14,000.  When school ended for the summer break I knew I needed a plan, so I started Couch-to-5-K training with my two boys. 

I've talked about that in previous posts, so for those who want to learn more about the awesome program check out www.coolrunning.com for details. 

A few months ago I purchased a body fat percentage monitor to help keep track of progress when it isn't showing up on the scale (I also measure my waist, chest, biceps, and thighs occasionally).  In the user's manual it instructed you to choose between the "normal" and "athlete" setting.  There was a calculation in the manual where you multiplied a factor for the intensity of your workout, times the factor for the frequency of your workout, times the factor for the length of your workout.  If the answer was 60 or higher, you should choose the setting "athlete".  If it was below 60 you should choose the setting "normal".  I was befuddled.  Some days I walked for an hour (medium intensity, long time), some days I did Couch-2-5-k training and walked 30 or 45 or 60 minutes in addition (some medium, some high intensity, variable time).  I worked out everyday, and the frequency maxed out at 5 times a week.  Most ways I calculated it, I came out to 60 or more.  So, I could choose "athlete".  But, I didn't feel right doing that.  When I started using it I was still obese - and while I was working out frequently, how do you reconcile that with "athlete"?

The idea of the "athlete" setting is to indicate that your muscle mass may be higher than that of the average person.  When I started measuring I was obese (no longer "morbidly obese", but still obese).  Regardless of the amount I was exercising that week, or the last few weeks, I didn't think I had the muscle mass they were talking about.  So I decided to watch for an indicator that made me think I could justify the "athlete" setting.

About a month ago I found out that my lower half no longer floats in the swimming pool - weird.  Of all things, floating has always been something that overweight people are generally good at.  I was no longer obese, just overweight, but only my top half liked to float.  If I was vertical in the water I had to really actively tread water to keep my head up.  Huh.  OK, maybe I was getting closer - but I felt that I would find a better indicator.  About a week ago during a stall I realized that I had lost another inch around my chest in the last 6 weeks.  And my body fat percentage on the normal setting has gone from 36 to 33% in the past 3 months.  Good progress!  A little algebra and I figured out that at my heaviest I probably had 54% body fat.  Painful to note, but good inspiration.

Today was V-Day.  I had been looking forward to/ dreading todays couch-2-5-k training all week - instead of alternating jogging for a period with walking for a period, today I was going to jog for 20 minutes straight.  I prepared my family that it was going to be tough, that I was going to be exhausted, but I thought I could do it.  The last training session of week 5.

My first nice surprise was that my almost-12 year old (who was recently struggling with motivation, see prior posts) decided he was going to run the 20 minute jog with me.  The last workout he did a 180 degree turnaround and stuck out jogging for both the 8 minute jogs instead of complaining and wimping out after 1 minute like previously.  This morning he said "I'm doing it, too, Mom."  I was so happy.  So we started the 20 and he chimed in "I think I'm gonna do that 5 k with you, too" (having previously announced for the last couple weeks that he would cheer me on, but he wasn't gonna run it with me).  More grins.  My 9 year old was responding well to his brand new inhaler - so it looks like part of his difficulty was that he has exercise-induced asthma (it kicks in just after 3 minutes of jogging).  More grins.  I passed the 10 minute mark (having already lapped my almost-12 year old once - hah!) and realized I felt good.  Came up on the 15 minute mark and realized I was not feeling like I was dying.   I should trust this program by now - each time I've dreaded something and thought I might not be able to handle it, it hasn't been bad!  As we finished our last lap I was getting ready to lap my almost 12-year old for the third time when he saw me coming and picked up the pace.  Oh-no-he-d'int!?!  So I extended my legs and RAN for the last 1/2 lap,  And passed him by a TINY bit.  Sorry sweetie - but now your Momma has got game.   

So I have decided to proudly switch to the "athlete" setting.  It feels right today.  And on that setting, I was happy to see that I now have 29.9% body fat.  That is considered "normal"!  I'm not going to get hung up on reaching the BMI "normal" - so it is welcome news that some calculation out there already has me at "normal" when I'm not done yet.  I imagine that even if I don't lose a lot more weight, I will lose more fat/ gain more muscle.  In my head I heard Olympic Theme this morning, 8 hours before it will be broadcast from London.  I acknowledge proudly, as of today, I am an athlete.

Bariatric Betty's best NSV yet!

The week before my gastric bypass surgery, I found out something amusing.  Despite my best efforts to explain the operation and how I would be living/ eating afterwords, my 8 year old thought I would be coming home from the hospital skinny!  In an effort to demonstrate exactly what would be happening (and NOT happening) in the hospital, I lay down on a piece of posterboard and had him trace the outline of my torso in black marker.  Then I drew in my organs in red, showing how things looked on the inside right then.  Then using a blue marker, I drew in what the surgeon would be doing on the inside, and where my surgical scars would be.  After all that was done and I explained the entire poster, I said "See where you traced my body?  That will be just the same when I get home from the hospital.  The only thing that will change on the outside before I get home are the scars/ bandages where they made these incisions."  He was dissapointed and said "I thought you would be smaller because you lost weight."  I explained I WOULD be smaller, but not for months, and that maybe we could trace me again in 6 months and a year and see how I looked then. 

So.... On Friday I was 4 months post-op and my older son just happened to come upon the posterboard while we were cleaning.  So I thought "Why not?" and asked my younger son to trace me again.  I was hopeful it would show a difference, but tried to prepare myself that it might not be much of a difference.  I have always carried my weight in my torso/ abdomen, and tend to be as wide when seen from the side as when seen from the front. 

As I lay down again, I tried to help him center me in the initial outline.  "Can you see the line you drew before on this side?  Can you see it on this side?  How about my arms, should I move them up or down?"  He traced me, and for the most part I was lined up pretty well.  This is the result.

OK, so the new outline is drawn with a skinnier black marker and it's a little harder to see.  But, just look inside the bolder (older) outline and you can see the changes.  I was really surprised to how much my waist had come in.  It was great to see the difference in my arms as well, and that you could see a difference in my neck was almost shocking!  So now I have a new plan.

I had originally thought I would re-trace over the original one at 6 months and a year post-op.  Now I'm going to trace on new and different colored posterboards at 6 months and a year post-op and cut them out.  Then I'll lay the 1 year post-op on top of the 6 months on top of the pre-op and I should have a nice visual reminder of what I've accomplished.  Becoming a shadow of my former self.  Not normal, but extraordinary!  I think I might have it framed. 

If any of my readers are pre-op, I suggest you try this yourself.  While looking at the pre-op outline isn't fun at that moment, this let me see my changes in a way that felt very different from looking at before/ after pictures (although I recommend those as well).  Got to go, it's time to walk the dog and then on to Couch-2-5k training!

Bariatric Betty Apologizes and has big news!

First, as all of my readers have no doubt noticed, I have monetized my blog with AdSense.  This is an experiment that may not continue.  I was very upset to see ads for some oral substance that is being advertised as a substitute for gastric bypass on my page.  I have gone into my ad settings to block pharmaceuticals/ medicine ads (as well as some other objectionable things) and hope that I can get it blocked on my page.  I do not want my blog to serve to advertise any FDA approved medicines, let alone NON-FDA approved ones.  Meanwhile, if you see something objectionable popping up on my blog's ads, please let me know so I can continue to tweak the controls.  I was hoping for ads for things like workout equipment, clothing, etc.  I apologize for this sorting-things-out period.  If it proves too difficult to restrict the types of ads on here, I will drop the AdSense stuff altogether.

Now, on to other news.  DRUM ROLL PLEASE......

Bariatric Betty is no longer obese!  I have hit a new goal; having a BMI below 30 - and now fall into the "overweight" category instead of "obese" (or previously "morbidly obese").  I have lost 77 pounds total (47 since surgery) and I am hoping to lose another 20 - 30 pounds.  Right now I have lost what my surgeon determined to be 52% of my excess body weight since the day of surgery.  I will NOT be going down to 123 pounds (ideal weight based on those same calculations) - neither my surgeon or I think that would be reasonable to aim for.  My goal is to get to between 140 - 150 pounds and stay there.  That will put me into a BMI between 25 and 26, which is still officially overweight.  Given the muscle gain I anticipate, my extra skin, and my build, I think that is actually a healthy weight and is one that my doctors think would be great as well. 

This brings up another tool I have started to use.  A body fat loss monitor.  As I become more muscular I wanted to have additional things (other than a scale) to give me empirical measurements to measure my progress.  I have been using a tape measure to track changes in my size, but wanted something else.  So I got a monitor that had good reviews and have begun measuring myself.  Right now I am on the "normal setting" instead of "athlete" (although that will be changing) and my body fat percentage is 36.2%.  For my age and sex they suggest normal is 24-33.9.  So my next goal will be to reduce my body fat percentage to 33.9 or less!

One of the ways I am working to achieve this is by starting Couch to 5K training (see www.couch25k.com  ).  I was very nervous about this - never having been able to run before.  I have bad knees that have "popped out" several times in my teens resulting in knee braces and long periods on crutches.  However, my leg muscles are super strong after all the walking I've been doing, so when I heard about other non-runner WLS patients trying this program I thought I would give it a shot.  My job as a monitor at my son's elementary school was great exercise, adding 5000 steps a day to my totals on average.  Now I am unemployed over the summer and needed to find a replacement for all that 2 hours of walking M-F.  Also, I wanted my kids to be more active and thought "How cool would it be to be able to jog a 5K race as a family?"  So last Friday my boys and I started the 3 times a week training.  So far it has consisted of 5 minutes of brisk walking followed by alternating 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for the next 20 minutes.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that this was not hard for me.  I don't even start to sweat for the first 10 minutes of jog/ walk alternating.  Of course, I'm not jogging FAST - that hurts my knees.  My jog is probably about 4 mph (hmmm, I should check that on a treadmill) with my feet staying close to the ground to minimize impact. 

The first day was difficult emotionally because my 9 year old son was throwing a tantrum almost the entire time.  He doesn't enjoy most changes to his routine.  Add hot weather and flying bugs buzzing around his head (a major fear of his) and he was in tears for about half the training, but he also found out that I meant business - we ARE going to do this.  A little carrot-and-stick later, yesterday we did the 2nd training day (inside on a track at our rec center - a/c and no bugs!) and he came through like a champ.  My 11 year old son is totally on board and enjoying himself.  The program is 9 weeks long (although it will take us 10 weeks because of a upcoming vacation to Colonial Williamsburg) and then we should be able to jog a 5K!  I'm aiming for a Komen Race for the Cure in September in Cleveland, but might do something else if I can find one sooner. 

We've also been going to the pool and local waterpark a lot.  That brought up a need - a swimsuit that fit!  I tried ordering a size 16 petite that I hoped would work, but my bottom half is so much smaller that the suit was flopping around and providing WAY to much of a view of my nether-regions.  I ended up spending over an hour trying on various Land's End tankini combinations and found that my correct size was an 18 top with a size 10 bottom.  Yeah, it's kind of obnoxious.  I know most women are not perfectly proportional, but for the guys out there, imagine if one of your legs was only 1/2 - 2/3 the size of the other and then trying to find jeans that fit.  This was something I didn't deal with as much when I was larger - my waist was much bigger and I looked more proportional (although obese and unhealthy).  But this is how I was created, so as long as I don't get plastic surgery I have left the land of one piece swimsuits for good.  :( 

This is a good time to remind myself that losing weight doesn't bring the body you want - it brings the body you have been given.  It's up to you to make peace with that body and accept it.  I will embrace any body that allows me to live longer and be healthy & active with my family. 

Bariatric Betty gets Vanity Sized

Before I had surgery, my mentor JoJo said "Oh, you're going to be just tiny!" and bet me I would be wearing size 10s or less.  I told her that was not possible.  I've only worn size 10 jeans once, and that was during my high school flirt with aneroxia.  I had started out dieting somewhat sensibly but as I hit plateau and after plateau I ate less, exercised more, and ended up skipping meals for days at a time.  When I got to the point that I was getting dizzy and starting to pass out when I stood up something clicked (Thank God) and I started eating normal meals again.   Then of course, I started eating more than normal size meals and became overweight and then obese again.

I have no intention of going down to that weight again (according to bmi charts I was at about 20), so I thought "Heavens, no!   There is no way I will wear size 10 jeans again." even though JoJo reminded me that today's size 10s aren't the same as yesterday's size 10s.  Then yesterday I went jean shopping after finding out that my size 12 jeans were getting loose.  I ended up buying a pair of 10 petite jeans at Talbot's Outlet. 

What the heck?!?  OK people, I got quite the buzz off of that, I'm not going to lie.  However, my BMI is 30.4 today, I weigh 58 pounds more on the same height I had back then, not to mention I've had kids, so my hips bones aren't even the same configuration any more.   For those of you not used to the BMI numbers - I'm still officially OBESE (for about 6 more pounds) and I'm wearing size 10 jeans. 

Lies.   Lies lies lies lies lies.  Lies we tell ourselves; "just a couple bites of that won't hurt my diet", lies we are told; "school lunch 'tossed salad' = 1/4 cup of shredded iceberg lettuce", lies the fashion industry tells us; "you are a size 10!"  Lets get real, people!  None of this is helping - it's part of the reason that we are becoming an increasingly obese society.  

Because a middle aged woman can gain over 50 pounds of excess weight and find herself buying the same "size" clothes she used to buy.   Why do we even bother with ladies sizes?  Because we don't want to got by waist and chest measurements like men?  I remember reading multiple times that Marilyn Monroes was a size 12.  Right, I believe that, but to say that implies that she would wear a size 12 today.  Uh uh.  The last time I was my current weight I was getting married (15 years ago).  Now the pounds have moved around somewhat, but I think I was a size 14 in my jeans.  So in 15 years the sizes have moved that much:  14 then = 10 now.  Go back to high school and that's 23 years.  I'm guessing that the 16 year old me wore a today's 4 or 6.

The wedding dress industry may be a little more honest in the measurement department.  15 years ago I was told to order a size 20 wedding dress.  Ouch.  I had heard that "wedding dresses run small" and the size 20 was the right size for my chest, but it's still not fun to hear.  They took in the waist and took up the hem, and it looked great.  I expect that now a days current brides get a much larger shock than I did.  I was watching "Say Yes to the Dress" the other day and a bridesmaid ordered a size 6 dress instead of the 12 that was suggested because she was so upset that they would suggest that she wore a size 12!  I can understand that feeling, but believe me, even after dieting she POURED herself into that dress. 

New York City just made the headlines because they might be banning serving drinks in glasses larger than 16 ounces.  Why?  Because sugary beverages are a leading contributor to our expanding waistlines, and we should be aware of how much we are taking in.  That 44 ounce Coke at the movie theater has over 500 calories - which is 1/3 of the total calories an average woman should be consuming for the day.  (I won't even TALK about the popcorn. Mmmmm popcorn.....)  So get a refill of your 12 or 16 ounces, but know that you're asking for more than 1 serving - make a conscious choice.  I know some people will be yelling "Nannystate" at NYC, but really - if we didn't need reminders, we wouldn't be doubling our obesity rates, would we?


I want to give a shout out to the recent series of anti-smoking ads that have been played on television.  The ones with real past smokers talking about caring for their stoma, or amputated limbs, or living after a heart attack.  They have apparently resulted in a real increase in smoking cessation program inquiries.  Maybe there should be a series of obesity related ones like that.  Reality checks.  Maybe they could feature WLS patients...

Bariatric Betty 99 days post op; Joy, Pride, and Fitbit!

I went to my 3 month post-op visit this week and got great news!  Since my operation I have lost 40 pounds, which is 46% of my excess weight on the day of surgery. 70 pounds since the beginning of my blog.  The doctor was thrilled and called me a "model patient".  I felt like my teacher just gave me a big gold star, and couldn't stop smiling all day - even when my labs where being drawn.  I also enjoyed wearing my new size 12 shorts that day. 

I got a Fitbit this month, kind of a pedometer on steroids.  It not only tracks steps taken and distance traveled, but flights of stairs climbed, calories burned based on your profile, and has a motivating graphic of a flower that grows taller the more active you have been in the past 3 hours.  I have been LOVING my Fitbit, and the fact that it downloads the info wirelessly to the website, which then communicates my exercise information to www.myfitnesspal.com (where I log my food) automatically - which really simplifies my activity logging.  I've also found  that it motivates me to push myself farther - so I can reach the 10 flights of stairs, or so I can hit a new "record" for steps taken in a day, etc. 

I clip my Fitbit on every morning, and the morning I had my follow-up appointment was no different.  What was different was that by the time I was at my surgeon's office I realized it wasn't clipped on any longer.  I lost my Fitbit.  I back-tracked my errands that morning and have been unable to find it, so I contacted support@fitbit.com and asked them if I could purchase another unit but without the charging base (and therefore hopefully cutting down the replacement cost).  To my surprise, after giving them the information about where I purchased it, on what date, and what email address it was registered under, they offered to send me a new one FOR FREE!  Are you kidding me?  I can't say enough about their customer service.  Their product didn't break - this was all on me and they are sending me a new one. 

So I'm sending a shout-out to the folks at Fitbit today, and it's just part of the reason I'm smiling so much this week.

Here's another.  I've lost two pounds in the last two days.  Huh?  Yeah, we all know that our weight fluctuates daily.  So a one day one pound difference is normal, and I tend to lose 1-2 pounds a week right now.  The weird part is, I was already down 1.5 pounds for this week - and now I lost another 2.  So I found myself grinning as I walked around the neighborhood with my dog this morning.  It's important not to become dependent on seeing weight loss on the scale all the time - I have gone for 5 days or so without seeing a drop, and those are the days that I have to remind myself that my body will go at it's own pace but continue to get healthier as long as I follow the program.  I remind myself that I will have plateaus in the future - real ones that last weeks, not days.  But to not do anything different and lose 3.5 pounds this week instead of 1-2... yeah, baby!

After my appointment, I had another class with the nutritionist.  I explained that I was concerned about trying bread and pasta - both because they could be triggers, and because I was worried about dumping.  She encouraged me to try some small low carb options.  I tried making cheese pizza on Flatout Lite Italian and could only eat about 2/3 of it.  It didn't make me sick, but the bread felt like a rock in my pouch - not really painful but uncomfortable.  I have no interest in trying it again any time soon - no trigger there.  Then last night I tried eating half a small pita bread as a cheese sandwich with provolone, lettuce, and avocado.  It tasted great, but I got that same pouch-full-of-setting-cement feeling after a couple bites.  So I know I CAN eat these grains in moderation without dumping, or having them get stuck.  But I don't WANT to.  Avocado, on the other hand, I think I could eat daily (yum!) if only it was a protein source ;) 

I'm really proud of myself and feel certain that I will get to my personal goal (140-150 pounds).  The surgeon expects that I might be around 150 at my 6 month follow-up! 

I'm preparing for the end of the school year.  I will enjoy spending more time with my sons (most of the time, anyway) and not going to work.  However, I will be losing the paychecks and guaranteed extra 5000-7000 steps M-F that I have been getting as a school monitor.  So, I'm preparing to start Couch to 5K training with my boys.  My goal is for all three of us to be able to jog one as a team by the end of the summer.  I've never liked running, and don't have the best knees in the world, but after hearing about the successes of other WLS patients with this program, I'm really excited to try.  That, walking the dog, and swimming will be my exercise staples over break, supplemented by the elliptical on bad weather days.  We are also planning for our upcoming trip to Williamsburg and some weddings of friends. 

Hoping all my readers have one of these can't-stop-smiling days soon.  Happy Friday!