Bariatric Betty says "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"

People treat me differently now that I'm not obese.  It was something I had heard from post-ops before surgery and prepared myself for.  The overwhelming majority of that change is positive.  It mostly makes me happy, but there is a downside.  It makes it very clear how much nicer some people are to "typical" weight people and how much many ignore or are even rude to overweight and obese people. 

Maybe it's because they identify more with a typical weight person?  Birds of a feather flock together?  But weight isn't someone's identity.  Yet studies how that people, even highly educated people, identify overweight people as lazy, undisciplined, and sloppy. 

Complete strangers are now much more likely to hold a door open for me.  More strangers start conversations with me, or tell me to go ahead of them in line.  The number of smiles I get from strangers has increased - and I've always been one to smile at strangers, so that hasn't been the source of the change.  I think it's just now that more of them are looking at me long enough to see that I'm smiling, so they smile back.  In general, it makes the world feel like a happier, friendlier place. 

Peers I see invite me to join them more often - I'm not talking about friends.  I'm talking about co-workers and people I know from my kid's schools.  I don't usually take them up on the offers, because it usually involves lunch out or drinks or something else that would be difficult/ impossible for me post-op.  But it's really nice to be asked.

Friends have also changed - although much less.  These were people who knew and loved me at my heaviest.  They accepted me as is then, and they accept me now - just with more compliments!  I can't tell you what it's like after most of a lifetime of being unhappy with how I looked to get compliments telling me I look "cute", "tiny", "healthy", or shockingly "hot!". 

There is a small minority, however, where the change is not positive.  I had been warned about this by WLS veterans.  They said that sometimes if you have a gang of girls, and you suddenly change your appearance by dropping a lot of weight, your social "position" in the group can become unstable.  Instead of being the supportive fat friend, or the funny fat friend, or the fat friend that makes the pretty girls look better in comparison, they don't know how to "classify" you in the hierarchy.  They might even feel challenged for what they see as their role as the "pretty" one. 

I didn't expect to face that - partly because I don't hang out with gangs of girls.  I tend to see my friends one at a time.  I was never one to go out to a bar with in a group.  Frankly, I wasn't one to go out to a bar!  Funny thing was, I was part of a gang of girls, I just hadn't realized it.  The neighborhood bus stop moms.

I live in a great neighborhood.  The day I moved in two different neighbors came over with brownies and cookies.  Another sent her girls over to show my boys around the neighborhood.  My next door neighbor came over and introduced herself and offered her help.  After the quiet community with a lot of retirees I used to live in, it was a little startling. 

Next week, 2/16/2013 is my first "surgiversary".  I can't wait to celebrate!  I told my husband to hold off on any flowers or anything for Valentine's Day, I would rather celebrate on the 16th (and it will be cheaper - bonus!).  I have my 1 year post-op next Wednesday with my surgeon and I'm really looking forward to it. 

 

Bariatric Betty at 1 month post op with pics

Wow, what a month!  Full of emotional highs and lows.  Some "it can't be this easy" moments and some "why have I not lost weight for the past few days" ones.  All in all, I have been pretty complication-free!

At 3 weeks I had my first post-op follow-up first where they said I had already lost the average excess weight (16%) they see in RNY patients at one month.  Good thing, because I've only lost another pound and a half since then.  Part of that is because of my journey with pureed foods and then recently soft foods (no blenders!).  You defintely lose slower once you are actually eating.  I have also slowed my eating, and now take 20-30 minutes to eat a meal (vs. that too-fast black bean soup puree moment).

Here a picture of me I took today

Most people say they can see the change since surgery most in my face.  I also have to show this other picture I took of my new furry friend, "Bearyatric Betty" - a great recovery gift from my friend and WLS mentor, Jo.

Jo's the best - other than the fact that reading Bearyatric Betty's name made me laugh so hard it pulled my stitches. 

So, I had a little scare last week when I worried I was becoming intolerant to dairy.  Being ovo-lacto vegetarian, that was concerning.  I get 1/3 - 1/2 of my protein daily from dairy.  After 2 rough stomachs with Greek Yogurt and 1 horrible one with pureed cottage cheese,  I tried to take Lactaid with dairy and that seemed to help.  In fact, it helped so well a couple times, I started to wonder whether I even had a problem.  So I stopped taking the Lactaid, and what do you know  - I'm fine with dairy!  Huh.  Don't know what happened, but I am glad it stopped!

I went to our community garage sale yesterday and got a bunch of things.  I needed some size 16 pants (my 18s are starting to fall off) - so I got two pairs of jeans, 1 white tailored blouse and 1 pair of shorts that fit right now for a total of $17.  I also bought some khakis that will fit in another 10-15 pounds, ditto 2 skirts, and then two blazers I can wear with pant/ shorts or skirts when I'm down another 20.  I'm going back Tuesday for "bag day" - when you can get anything you can fit in one of their good size bags for $5 - and stocking up on lots of shirts and shorts for the summer in various sizes. 

So I started my "soft foods" the other day!!!  So far I've enjoyed 2 ounces of fresh mozzarella with a slice of tomato, 1/2 cups of scrambled egg beaters with 1/4 cup shredded cheddar, 1/2 cup of morningstar veggie crumbles with a little spaghetti sauce and 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella, 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese with unsweetened mandarin orange slices - all with no dumping, no overeating, and chewing well. Then came lunch today.  I thought I would try the morningstar veggie meatballs with spaghetti sauce and mozzarella (similar to the crumbles).  Unfortunately, on my second bite, I didn't chew long enough and got a piece about 1/3 inch long stuck in my pouch.  OWWWWWWW!  First came the drooling, then the pain - kind of angina-like.  I tried to swallow some water to see if it would push through - I FELT it move up and then wedge right back in there.  Owwww. So I spent the next 15 minutes trying to throw it up - finally did, whew.  I know I'm lucky that I haven't had to throw up since surgery until now - and it wasn't that bad since I've had all this time to heal - but I'm in NO HURRY to experience anything like that again.  Latest lesson - THINK about the chewing EVERY bite.

During a spell where there wasn't any change going on with the numbers on the scale, I measured myself.  This was very cool - because I hadn't measured myself since November.  In November I was halfway through my pre-op 90 day medically monitored diet, and since then I have lost 5 inches in my waist, about 4 in my hips, and about 3 in the band around my chest.  I also lost 1 inch off my biceps, and almost an inch off my thigh.  I'm pretty happy with all of that.  My only disappointments is that some of my weight has come off my butt - which was fairly small to begin with, and that none of it seems to be coming off my cup size.  I know that I will have less "sagging" pants moments when I have a more defined waist, and that will come.  I also expected that my bountiful chest wouldn't reduce much (if at all) based on past weight loss, but I was holding out hope.  Maybe it will change later, but probably not. 

This brings up the ghosts of discomfort of being looked at like I'm a waitress at Hooters... but I will deal with that if/ when it comes.  At least I won't be dealing with diabetes and morbid obesity at the same time.  It's hard when people assume that the only reason you have a large chest is because you WANT that type of attention, and that it must be implants.  As the rest of my body gets smaller, they become more apparent.  But, right now, I have enough to focus on with sticking to the plan.  Tomorrow will bring what it will.  And I'll do my best with whatever that is.

One last thing - I now live in Onederland!  Translation for those who have never struggled with their weight - I'm under 200 pounds.  I actually got there a while ago but was nervous about announcing it.  Not because I thought I would gain it back (NO way), but because for many WLS patients, it takes a year or several to reached this promised land.  By the time I had surgery I was only at 213, so I didn't have that much to lose to get there.  It definitely doesn't compare to the achievements of those who started much heavier, and I didn't feel right about "bragging" about it because it could make some of my fellow WLS patients feel like I was diminishing their accomplishments.  So I haven't announced it on my private facebook groups, but I figured if you are reading my blog, first of all THANK YOU, and second of all - you probably know me well enough by now to know that I'm not comparing this landmark of mine to anyone else's.  Everyone takes their own journey.  But I'm not going to hide successes or setbacks on this blog - so there it is!

Bariatric Betty's 3 week check up - doing great, BUT...

So yesterday (actually day 19) I had my three week check-up with my surgeon's office.  They were very pleased with my weight, the amount of fluid I'm getting in, the amount of protein I'm getting in, and my walking.  According to their scales I've lost 15 lbs since surgery, which was 17% of my excess weight.  They said that the average lost at one month post op is 16% of excess weight, so I'm already ahead at less than 3 weeks.  She also mentioned that they would anticipate that I will have lost 50% of my excess weight at 6 months post-op.  That would mean I would lose 30 more pounds in the next 5 months - sounds great to me.  So that's the good news.

They were concerned about a couple of things.  First - I haven't been taking long enough to eat.  I found that out myself the night before when I ate my black bean soup in about 10 minutes and was in pain for about the next hour and a half.  That was the FIRST TIME I had even had any discomfort from my pouch.  I was almost happy that it happened, because I was starting to wonder when I would get some pouch "feedback".  So I had already resolved to take a lot more time eating.  I've been getting a lot of volume in my pouch for being 3 weeks out.  I was getting almost a cup in most meals, and they said that eating that quickly means that 1) I probably have been having my puree too thin so it's exiting the pouch too quickly and 2) I'm a quick healer and not very swollen at this point.  They said that I will be able to eat less as my food gets more solid.

Second, I was asking about being allowed to exercise more.  I wanted to start some lightweight free weight training for my arms/ shoulders, and maybe gentle walking on the elliptical.  As my fat is decreasing my arms are starting to get flabby, and I miss the endorphin rush I get working out.  Plus, I keep on reading and hearing others being warned not to waste their window of opportunity/ honeymoon period.  I want to make the most of mine.  This appointment burst a few bubbles.  I was told very bluntly that I'm not consuming enough calories yet to build any muscle, and that if I start working out now, it's possible I could destroy my existing muscle tissue, and then it wouldn't come back.  Whoa.  When I asked about the elliptical I was told "No, because even that will use your abdominal muscles more, and if the stitches in your abdominal muscles don't heal well then you could have permanent weakness in spots."  Oh.  So I said "OK, so just keep walking, you know walking my dog..." and she almost choked.  "You're walking your dog?!?"  I tried to explain that I've come up with strategies if he starts to pull (like standing on the leash) so I don't stabilize with my abs, but that he usually doesn't pull, he just walks at my side.  But, she was still worried.  I tried to explain that my dog HAS to go out at least once during the time that my kids and husband are away during the day, and that I have made sure that I take all the precautions I can.  So I'm not arguing about weight training or using my elliptical - I totally get it.  And I'm going to be very careful walking my dog, but I have to walk everyday and so does he. 

So one of the funnier moments of the visit was with the surgeon's assistant who was talking about how I'll be on regular food before I see them again.  So she says, "Breakfast, talk to me about cereal and milk..." and looked at me.  Huh?  I think I can only say I had a confused deer-in-headlights look.  "C'mon, what do you think about cereal and milk for breakfast?"  Ummmmm.  I don't.  I don't think of cereal and milk for breakfast.  I've been a diabetic for the previous year and a half.  Too many carbs, too low protein, etc.  "No, no.  Think about your rules, would milk and cereal make a good breakfast?  No.  Protein is way too low, right, but it is also a lot of LIQUID calories.  You aren't supposed to have liquid calories.  And it will wash the cereal right out of your pouch - it's like drinking with a meal!"  Oh.  OK.  Right.  But I had a whole nutrition class with one of their nutritionists after the appointment and she felt really confident that I understand the rules.  It was just being asked like that, my brain froze and went "Whaaaaaaaaahhhhhht?"

I had the nutrition class with Orlando, a fellow RNY patient that I met in the hospital.  He's doing really well, too.  I have to say, the support of fellow patients as well as the amazing staff at the hospital means so much.  I talked to them about me attending my local support group vs. the one at the hospital because they're on the same night each month.  The surgeon's office said that was fine - yippee!  And pretty soon I get to start having TVP (texturized vegetable protein) - a staple in most vegetarians' diet. 

Yesterday I also got the formal invite to my best friend's wedding reception in May.  And promptly got anxious about it.  A dinner reception - eating in front of non-family members.  What if my pouch throws a fit and I vomit?  Will there be anything I can eat?  OMG, I've never been anxious like this, but I calmed down and started working through it like a challenge.  OK, I'll ask my friend exactly what is on the menu, then I can see what I might be able to eat.  If there is anything appropriate for me to eat, I can try making it at home a few times before the surgery so that I can see if my pouch will tolerate it.  And I will pack a source of protein that I can eat - maybe cheese cubes, I'll be on normal food by then.  That way I can have a ready protein I can eat out of my purse before I try a bite of anything else.  OK, that will work. 

So I have a bunch of social things coming up.  My son turns 9 this month, and is making his first communion next month.  Then my friend's wedding reception in May, and a family vacation in June.  I need to have clothes that will fit for all these occasions.  The birthday is fine - at a bowling alley, I can get away with loose jeans and shirts.  The first communion will need something dressy, and I will be too small for anything I currently own.  Ditto on the wedding.  And I will need summer clothes for vacation...  Luckily, there is a local community garage sale in about 10 days where they usually have really nice clothing.  I will be all over that sale.  Once my weight stabilizes I will save up and buy some new nice clothes for myself - but it doesn't make sense to waste money on clothes I may only wear a couple times while I'm shrinking. 

I hinted to my family that maybe in 6-9 months they could nominate me for "What Not to Wear" so I could get professional advice on how to dress my new body, as well as a gift card to pay for it.  The response?  "Ummm, they would need you to be in New York for like a week, right?  We'll just save money up for you to shop here."  It is nice to needed. And the poor guys did just do without me for three days and they still don't have me back in full form yet.   Maybe What Not To Wear will decide to make a stop in Cleveland someday :)  I can't complain - not with all the blessings in my life.  My family, my friends, and my pouch.

Bariatric Betty's a Hot Mess

Day 7, which means I had surgery 8 days ago, because in bariatric world, you count the days from the first day you drank liquid.  Things have been going smooth - and it sort of feels like the calm before the storm.  Like when your kids have been playing quietly together in the other room and suddenly you realize that it's TOO quiet and know that they are up to something.  Or I'm paranoid.  Could be either.

I'm drinking at least 64 ounces of fluid a day.  The liquid is mostly water (hot or cold), Crystal Light, and Syntrax Nectar Protein drinks.  Twice I've had hot Cream of Mushroom Soup (strained through a sieve) and it was a nice change.  I'm drinking at least two protein shakes a day, which is actually the goal for the second week, which starts tomorrow.  Cool.  I've lost 6.4 pounds according to my home scale, which I think is friggin' fantastic!  I was prepared to barely lose anything the first week because of all the fluid retention from surgery. 

I'm surprised at how few problems I'm having.  Other than occasionally gulping when there is no room in my pouch for gulps, everything goes down easily.  Nothing I've drank has made my stomach upset - although I did find out that the smell of cooking edamame with soy sauce is NAUSEATING.  My husband has been wonderful, and only went back to work for a full day today.  The boys are helping pitch in, especially my 11 year old.  My eight year old switches between being helpful and being upset that Mommy isn't doing her normal stuff.  If it's his idea to take the dog outside, he's proud to help.  If I ask, he might get ticked and throw a blanket over his head until he says quietly "I don't want to".  He's also been acting out more at school, but change is hard for everyone.  It doesn't mean his acting out is OK, but I know where he's coming from.

Because as much as I am a glowing success physically, I'm a hot mess inside.  What started as weird dreams definitely influenced by my pain control medicine, I realize now is a accurate picture of the psychological landscape inside my head.  My dreams have repeatedly involved someone (a friend, a realtor, etc) pointing out that I've left something a mess - lots of clutter, childhood toys, some things my mom dropped off when she downsized that I had no purpose for.  Sometimes they're in my house, sometimes I have apparently left them at a friend's house sometime in the past, and she's nicely saying "Ummm, you need to come get these out of here.  Now." 

It's fascinating, because as I realized in the middle of the night last night, it's kind of like as my fat is being burned off by my body it's almost like I'm remembering aspects of what made me put it on there in the first place.  Like a beach eroding and showing old trash (maybe treasure?).  Feeling embarrassed - ate extra servings of pasta.  Felt like a failure at keeping the house up - ate some ice cream.  Felt proud of my baking skills - made extra cookie dough to make cookies for friends, but then snacked on the dough.  Felt noticed and unsafe - ate more of anything so that nobody would make advances or threaten me.  These are all real feelings, and ones that I've prepared myself will NOT be hidden under fat anymore, and the weird thing is, I'm not feeling them now.  I'm feeling the MEMORIES of them, and they're coming out in my dreams. 

Of course, in the middle of the last night, I didn't FEEL like that.  I felt miserable.  I wrote all of the above like it was about some other person - clinical, removed - but it's about MY past, which affects my current feelings.  My current feelings include feeling proud of doing exactly what the doctors said - liking stepping on the scale.  Being impressed with myself for getting all my fluids and protein in - telling people how well I'm doing.  But it also includes feeling guilty because I can't take my dog for long walks like we used to. Can't even do short ones, really, because when he pulls on the leash it could affect my stitches and cause a hernia.  So I have his sad eyes (and bored chewing teeth) looking at me all day (and destroying every pen or marker her can find).  Feeling guilty because I can't empty the trash, or have enough energy to even just go with the family to the Rec Center (just sitting once we get there).  Feeling impotent as a mom, because I have to keep myself off the painkillers all day to be able to drive to the store to get some fresh fruits and vegetables for the rest of the family.  Then being too sore to lay down and cuddle my son goodnight.  And while housekeeping isn't normally my greatest stregth, knowing that I can't take a load of laundry downstairs to get it started, or bring one up yet means that I'm watching the laundry pile grow. 

Luckily, I've got my husband, who patiently listens to me in the middle of the night while I explain these feelings.  While I tell him that I feel super hormonal like PMS brought a friend, and that it's only by sheer willpower that I'm not biting people's heads off when I'm slightly irritated.  And that I know that some of these over-emotional mood swings are normal for post-ops, because THANK GOD I've been reading posts from so many others who have had he surgery over the past 5 months.  So I know I'm not really going crazy (crazier).  I know it's temporary.  And I know that if I keep doing what I'm supposed to do, I will stabilize and continue my success. 

I'm so thankful my husband and friends are willing to listen (especially my husband who loses sleep doing it).  Because talking is helpful, at least for that moment.  It let's me get back to sleep.  Or stop feeling like crying.  And get back to work following the Rules, working the plan.  And blogging all about this, because it is feeling cathartic, too.

I want to start working out, and maximizing this "window of opportunity".  I won't until the doctors clear me, but I think about it A LOT.  I want to stop taking any painkillers, but I know that if I push myself too hard I end up hurting and unable to do anything.  So I'm praying for patience.  I'm asking my kids for understanding.  And I'm looking at my dog and telling him I love him even thought he's not getting the exercise he needs, and giving him a new chew toy.  This too shall pass.  I'm thankful for the gift of this tool, for my family, for my friends, and for all the prayers that have been said for me.  I look forward to paying it forward.