Bariatric Betty 99 days post op; Joy, Pride, and Fitbit!

I went to my 3 month post-op visit this week and got great news!  Since my operation I have lost 40 pounds, which is 46% of my excess weight on the day of surgery. 70 pounds since the beginning of my blog.  The doctor was thrilled and called me a "model patient".  I felt like my teacher just gave me a big gold star, and couldn't stop smiling all day - even when my labs where being drawn.  I also enjoyed wearing my new size 12 shorts that day. 

I got a Fitbit this month, kind of a pedometer on steroids.  It not only tracks steps taken and distance traveled, but flights of stairs climbed, calories burned based on your profile, and has a motivating graphic of a flower that grows taller the more active you have been in the past 3 hours.  I have been LOVING my Fitbit, and the fact that it downloads the info wirelessly to the website, which then communicates my exercise information to www.myfitnesspal.com (where I log my food) automatically - which really simplifies my activity logging.  I've also found  that it motivates me to push myself farther - so I can reach the 10 flights of stairs, or so I can hit a new "record" for steps taken in a day, etc. 

I clip my Fitbit on every morning, and the morning I had my follow-up appointment was no different.  What was different was that by the time I was at my surgeon's office I realized it wasn't clipped on any longer.  I lost my Fitbit.  I back-tracked my errands that morning and have been unable to find it, so I contacted support@fitbit.com and asked them if I could purchase another unit but without the charging base (and therefore hopefully cutting down the replacement cost).  To my surprise, after giving them the information about where I purchased it, on what date, and what email address it was registered under, they offered to send me a new one FOR FREE!  Are you kidding me?  I can't say enough about their customer service.  Their product didn't break - this was all on me and they are sending me a new one. 

So I'm sending a shout-out to the folks at Fitbit today, and it's just part of the reason I'm smiling so much this week.

Here's another.  I've lost two pounds in the last two days.  Huh?  Yeah, we all know that our weight fluctuates daily.  So a one day one pound difference is normal, and I tend to lose 1-2 pounds a week right now.  The weird part is, I was already down 1.5 pounds for this week - and now I lost another 2.  So I found myself grinning as I walked around the neighborhood with my dog this morning.  It's important not to become dependent on seeing weight loss on the scale all the time - I have gone for 5 days or so without seeing a drop, and those are the days that I have to remind myself that my body will go at it's own pace but continue to get healthier as long as I follow the program.  I remind myself that I will have plateaus in the future - real ones that last weeks, not days.  But to not do anything different and lose 3.5 pounds this week instead of 1-2... yeah, baby!

After my appointment, I had another class with the nutritionist.  I explained that I was concerned about trying bread and pasta - both because they could be triggers, and because I was worried about dumping.  She encouraged me to try some small low carb options.  I tried making cheese pizza on Flatout Lite Italian and could only eat about 2/3 of it.  It didn't make me sick, but the bread felt like a rock in my pouch - not really painful but uncomfortable.  I have no interest in trying it again any time soon - no trigger there.  Then last night I tried eating half a small pita bread as a cheese sandwich with provolone, lettuce, and avocado.  It tasted great, but I got that same pouch-full-of-setting-cement feeling after a couple bites.  So I know I CAN eat these grains in moderation without dumping, or having them get stuck.  But I don't WANT to.  Avocado, on the other hand, I think I could eat daily (yum!) if only it was a protein source ;) 

I'm really proud of myself and feel certain that I will get to my personal goal (140-150 pounds).  The surgeon expects that I might be around 150 at my 6 month follow-up! 

I'm preparing for the end of the school year.  I will enjoy spending more time with my sons (most of the time, anyway) and not going to work.  However, I will be losing the paychecks and guaranteed extra 5000-7000 steps M-F that I have been getting as a school monitor.  So, I'm preparing to start Couch to 5K training with my boys.  My goal is for all three of us to be able to jog one as a team by the end of the summer.  I've never liked running, and don't have the best knees in the world, but after hearing about the successes of other WLS patients with this program, I'm really excited to try.  That, walking the dog, and swimming will be my exercise staples over break, supplemented by the elliptical on bad weather days.  We are also planning for our upcoming trip to Williamsburg and some weddings of friends. 

Hoping all my readers have one of these can't-stop-smiling days soon.  Happy Friday!

Bariatric Betty starts her new job, looks at her progress 8 weeks out

So I started my job as a monitor at the elementary school yesterday, and it's a lot of fun!  I work with Kindergarteners, 1st graders, and 3rd graders.  I knew several kids already from my neighborhood, and from volunteering with 2nd graders for math last year.  The first time I monitored recess I had four little Kindergarten girls taking turns holding my hands and "showing me" all over the playground.  The third grade recess is more along the lines of girl drama, i.e. "She used to be my friend, but now she says she's her best friend, not mine!"  The boys seem to be more rough and tumble at both ages, but then they're back to being friends again. 

I was hoping to have 2nd graders so I could see what happens during my son's recess, but at least I'll get to see him all next year.

My big concern was how my body would handle standing and walking around for 2 1/2 hours non-stop.  It used to be that just an hour or more of that used to cause me to sweat like I was working out.  I've lost almost 60 pounds, so I hoped I would be fine.  I'm happy to say it's literally "no sweat". :)   Not that I don't enjoy sitting down when I'm done - that feels lovely.  But, it doesn't feel like I'm exhausted. 

Yesterday I brought a Quest protein bar which I ate halfway through working, but had a headache by the time I got home.  This time, I ate 1/2 of a Quest bar right before arriving, and then an hour later drank 24 ounces of Crystal Light and had a lunch of lentils and greek yogurt when I got back home - no headache!  The monitor that I'm replacing brought in donuts today to share for her last day, and I watched everyone else eat them without any cravings - Yay!  I love the honeymoon period.  Gotta train that brain. 

I have worn a pedometer both days, and found that I take 4000-5000 steps while working.  Needless to say, I no longer have problems getting in more than 10,000 steps a day! 

So I'm now 8 weeks post-op and really excited with how things are going.  I have lost 58 pounds so far (30 pre-op and 28 post) and my BMI has gone from 42.3 to 32.7!  My next big achievement is a while off - when I lose another 22 pounds I will no longer be considered obese.  Now that my weight loss is slowing a bit, I anticipate that will probably take a couple of months. So, I'm going to be looking forward to celebrating other benchmarks;  going down another size, being able to workout on a day I also work without burning out, feeling more comfortable eating in front of others... 

My son's first communion is 4/21 and we're going to go to brunch at First Watch afterwords.  For those of you who haven't been - First Watch only serves breakfast/ brunch/ lunch.  They have a lot of egg dishes, which is what I'll be sticking to.

My last entry I talked about ordering a dress a size smaller than I currently was for my friend's wedding reception.  The dress came in, and so I tried it on to see how far off I was.  Unfortunately, I got a reminder that just because I'm losing weight does not mean I can wear any style/ cut.  Being unusually top-heavy means I will not be wearing that dress - I would have to lose 4 inches in my bust.  In losing 60 pounds I have lost 3 1/2 inches in my bust - and I'm not planning on losing 60 more.  However, I did find another dress on sale from Lands End that I got at the bargain price of $6.99 that DOES fit and I will probably wear it to the reception, so things all worked out in the end!

Bariatric Betty's pride goes before a fall...

So, today I reached my 90th day of supervised dieting.  Hurray!  I've lost almost 20 pounds and I'm very proud of myself.  I emailed my patient care coordinator at Hospital C to make sure she had received the records she needed from my primary care doctor from 2008 and 2009.  She wrote back and said she received a packet, but it only had records from 1998-2004.  This was a big problem, because I need multiple years of weight history showing my morbid obesity for insurance pre-approval of partial payment of my bariatric surgery. 

So I got ticked that my past doctor's office could have screwed up my request so badly.  I wrote out specifically what I needed on the record release request.  I calmed down enough to call them and explained that there seemed to have been a mistake.  The woman at first agreed and then pulled my file.  Turns out there was no mistake, except my own.

I remembered going through a phase where I declined to get weighed because I was so embarassed with my weight.  Apparently, that phase was from 2004-2009, because all of of my visits during then don't have weight recorded.  So now because I was too embarrassed back then I might not have enough documentation to be approved my my insurance company.  I have data from my doctors from 2011, late 2010, and then 2004 and earlier. 

This afternoon I was able to get a copy of my record sent electronically from my old weight watcher's location in Central Ohio.  That gave me a starting weight in 1/2008 and an ending weight in 11/2008.  During that entire 10 months I lost just over 20 pounds.  Versus the last 90 days when I've lost just under 20.  I hope my earnest trying helps.  But now I'm really worried that since we don't have data from 2009, I may have shot myself in my foot.  What if my reluctance to face my weight in 2009 results in my not being approved for surgery?

There's nothing to do about it, but pray and wait.  My P.A. that is coordinating my multidisciplenary diet will be writing up his summary and putting together the packet next week.  Then the hospital will submit and we will wait.  And pray.  And try to remember that things will happen the way they should, even if I don't get approved. 

So here's my advice of the day.  Don't decline to be weighed, or have tests done.  Because you can't predit what will be needed in the future.  I never thought I would be looking at having this surgery, and now look what happened.  Pass it on. 

Day 75 and Bariatric Betty has a bumpy ride

So today I've been on my medically monitored diet for 75 days.  Depending on whose scale you're using, I've lost between 13.5 - 19 pounds.  When I met with Drew, the P.A. supervising my diet, he was pleased to see that I had lost 6 pounds in just the last four weeks.  Plus, he was really excited about my latest test results.  My Hemaglobin A1C has gone from 6.8 (really good for a diabetic) to 6.4 (GREAT for a diabetic) in the last three months and my insulin doses have been cut in half.  Then, he said - the next step is that you're going to go off your Novolog (insulin I take with my meals) altogether ."  I'm already down to 3 units with meals.  The next comment was "6.4, that's barely diabetic."  Ouch.  I said I was lucky that my insurance company wasn't making me diet for 6 months, or I might have a hard time qualifying.  He said "Well, for now you're still on three medications, and still diabetic..."  Whew.  No more labs before my case is submitted to the insurance company, and I will consider my self lucky.

A couple of days ago I got an email from my trainer.  She's left her job, and is no longer working as a trainer, but following her other love - photography.  As much as I'd like to be happy for her, she hasn't written up a summary of our work together, so I'm scrambling to print emails that I hadn't deleted yet and a couple comments she made while following my training on myfitnesspal.com.  My three month diet only satisfies the insurance company requirements if there is documentation of consults (at least three), behavioral modification sessions, nutritionist sessions (at least three), psych eval, and working with a trainer.  It specifically says "work with trainer may not be entirely remote (i.e. - online)".  And what I have proof of is from online.  My PA says that he talked to her before she left and is aware that we met in person once, and that he will write it up.  Just to be sure I'm covered, though, I'm meeting with another trainer this Friday.  He works at the same gym - I asked if he had access to her stuff or if I should bring copies of the program she designed.  He said "Oh, please bring it" - just like I thought, she left nothing....  

Oh, and if for some reason the insurance company doesn't think I've satisfied their requirements, I can continue to diet and have consults for three more months - but at that point I probably won't qualify because my diabetes would probably be diet controlled and have a BMI under 40. 

On a totally different note, I feel very blessed today.  Yesterday my father in law called.  He had gone to his doctor about pain in one leg and was sent to the hospital to get an ultrasound immediately, because the doctor suspected a blood clot.  He's 87 and in marvelous health for his age - very active and health conscious.  We just lost my mother in law this summer, and the thought of the chance of losing him so soon after was just crushing.  I sent a message out to my friends on facebook asking for prayers and was touched by how many responded so quickly.  Two hours later we found out that the ultrasound showed it WASN'T a blood clot after all!  So he still has to find out why it hurts, and we're a little worried about that - but the chance of a stroke has been pushed far down the list and we're so grateful for that. 

I have to remind myself each day; I have great faith in God.  I believe that God will see me through my journey in the best way.  I think that will include weight loss surgery, but maybe God knows something better.  I will keep reminding myself of this while I go through the last couple weeks of my supervised diet and the weeks waiting for the insurance company to make their decision. 

2/3 of the way there and things are changing... maybe too much

Today is day 60 out of 90.  I've stayed adherant to my diet and exercise plan, and been under my calorie goal every day except for one (my sweet neighbor brought over delicious, warm, homemade rosemary bread - I am human!).  Depending on the scale and time of day, I have lost between 11 and 14.5 pounds, and my BMI may be as low as 39!  Coming down from 42, that's awesome. 

Here's a weird thing - my insurance wouldn't pay anything towards my RNY if I went below a BMI of 40 if I wasn't diabetic.  So in this strange case, being diabetic is a good thing.  My next change - wait for it - my diabetes is improving.  Yup.  I've been lighter than this weight before (right after I was diagnosed with diabetes 17 months ago) and my blood sugar was out of control.  About two weeks ago I had a morning fasting blood glucose level under 100.  That was only perhaps maybe the 4th time it's been that good.  Then this last week, every reading has been in the 80s.  This morning, at 7:30 am my level was 78.  That was actually a little scary, because I wasn't symptomatic for hypoglycemia, and I don't normally take my levels or eat that early in the morning.  They both usually happen an hour later.  This morning, if I had waited another hour, I could have had my blood sugar levels crashing. 

So my levels have been stable since then, and tonight I'm going to take less long acting insulin (10 units instead of 15).  I see my doctor and get labwork in 7 days, and with Thanksgiving this week, I don't think I could get in any sooner.  She and I had discussed adjusting my insulin if my numbers were low, so I feel comfortable with doing this change now.  Here's what I'm not comfortable with...

What if I am no longer considered diabetic in the next 30 days???  

On one hand - it's a wonderful possibility.  It's the major reason I wanted the surgery - to not be diabetic any more or have to worry about those co-morbidities.  I would live longer, be healthier, etc.  There's no reason I couldn't keep on my current diet. 

On the other hand, if I'm not diabetic, my insurance will no longer approve the surgery.  As it is, I will already have to pay about $5000 for the surgery.  Paying the whole $22,000 is not a possibility right now.  So I could have done all of this work for 90 days just to disqualify myself. 

Why do I need the surgery if I'm losing weight so well now?  Because I've always been successful at losing 20-30 pounds over 6 months or so.  It's when it gets to 9 months and out and I'm still not losing any more weight.  I get frustrated, and feel like being on the diet isn't worth it if I'm still obese with all the co-morbidities that come with it.  I have stopped dieting, and eventually gained it back. 

Having been through that cycle several times on my own, with Nutrisystem, and with Weight Watchers, I just don't know how I could handle it if it happened again.  I really want the tool of my new stomach - with a tiny appetite (at least in my honeymoon period) so I can train myself for my relationship with food for the rest of my life.  I want to dump if I eat too much carbs - to me the RNY is like implanting antabuse in an alcoholic; if you eat (or drink) the wrong thing you get sick, so you reinforce good behavior.   I want my pancreas to start making more insulin the day of the surgery.  I want the reset button to get pushed on my stomach so I know what it feels like to feel full (and not WANT to feel full). 

Well, I won't know what's going to happen until it does.  And just because I'm lowering my insulin dose doesn't mean I'll be off it soon, or off the glucofage.  So I shouldn't worry.  But it's like a little itch saying "what if..." in the back of my head.  On the positive side - being stressed raises blood sugar, so maybe just stressing about my lower levels will be enough to keep me diabetic for sure?  It's a twisted world we live in, and with insurance requirements it's no reason we all go a little crazy.  And right now I'm queen of Looney Land. 

Bariatric Betty gets the blahs & considers Dolly Parton's wardrobe choices

No energy.  No drive.  I hate days like this.  I feel like I just ran a marathon or something yesterday and my body is recovering.  No such thing - I just walked the dog and mowed the lawn.  Today I forced myself to walk the dog for 20 minutes, ran a couple loads of laundry, and picked up a few things from the grocery store, but can't stop thinking about what I haven't done.  No strength training, no elliptical, no cleaning. 

Earlier this week I was doing great - I got to go to my first local WLS support group meeting and met several wonderful women.  They were super excited for me, and I loved having that jaw-dropping sensation of seeing their before pictures and then looking at them now.  They had good advice, and asked me all about myself and my plans.  It's hard to have a bad time when you have a room of women all wanting to get to know you.  I felt like I was going through sorority rush again :) 

I also took advantage of our Budget Bin sale - our suburb's PTA groups organize essentially a big community garage sale.  Most of it is consignment where the donors get half of the money back, and the other half goes to scholarships for graduating seniors.  On the last day of the sale they have Bag Day.  I paid $15 for three bags full of clothes.  About a third of them were potentially for me - pants in descending sizes (I'm currently an 18, so I bought 16s, 14s, 12s, and even two 10s).  I also got several tops and sweaters from Apartment 9, Jones New York, and Liz Claiborne (LOVE her).  Those I just got in Larges (I currently wear 2xl so that is a big difference).   Luckily, the support group ladies warned me that I will get cold (I am NEVER cold now) and that I will need things like sweaters.  I also got a Liz Claiborne coat.  Not bad for $5! 

It has been so long since I bought nice clothes.  It really struck me as I looked at the labels - I have been living in Target and Walmart's plus sections for the last couple years.  I've never been a fashionista, but these past couple years I just gave up.  You just can't FIND many beautiful clothes in plus sizes.  It's frustrating.  I would love to have flattering clothing.  With a style.  With structure.  Instead I end up wearing t-shirts and jeans, t-shirts and shorts, or (gasp) t-shirts and yoga/ workout pants.  Some department stores sell plus size clothing that looks OK on a plus size manequin, but when you try it on you realize it looked good on the manequin because the dummy has a flat stomach and is still only a size 12. 

Then I started thinking about what I will wear when I enter One-derland (under 200 lbs).  When I'm normal sized.  It started to be fun, until I remembered what it was like trying to find clothing when I was "normal" sized for a year by starving myself as a teenager.  At 115 pounds I was still a size 10 on the bottom, and a 14 on the top.  I have a hard time believing that I will get any smaller than that (although some of my new support group think I will).  But I remember trying to find clothing that was big enough on top and fit on the bottom that didn't make me look like a hooker.... it wasn't easy.  At one point my mom suggested I write Dolly Parton to ask where she gets her clothing.  NOT KIDDING.  Nobody in my family likes country music, or a lot of bling (remember the tie-dyed onesie?) - but that was the best my mom could come up with when we were looking for a prom dress.  Or when she told me that I shouldn't buy the sporty bikini "until I lost a few more pounds and firmed up my tummy".  

Well, those memories will always be there (and painful), but the thing I have to remember is that I'm not getting the surgery to fit into nice clothes.  And that even if I had the body for it, I wouldn't EVER wear a bikini in public at 41.  I'm doing it so I will no longer be diabetic.  So I will be healthy and live for a long time to watch my kids grow up into wonderful men like their father.  So I will energy to work and play more and enjoy life so much more.  I will now re-read this paragraph three times to fix it in my head...

The myth of the perfect body is just that.  I see and hear beautiful women stressing about parts of their body all the time.  Some women are larger on bottom.  Some are top heavy like myself.  Some have it equally distributed but no chest.  Some have broad shoulders.   The fact is that those airbrushed photos and body doubles in movies are toxic to people with poor body images.  Just this week I saw a tiny woman worrying about a little muffin top that you could barely see - and only when she sat down.  Um, everyone has a little something when they sit down - even models.  But to her, this is a very real concern.  She is dealing with having trouble getting a comfortable fit in clothing, and after losing over a hundred pounds she has a right to want to look good to herself.  Please God, let me accept myself and be pleased with how I look a year from now.  Even if I have batwings, deflated breasts and am not yet at goal.  I will keep my before pictures.  I will keep some of my before clothing.  I will remember where I have come from and say "I am in a better place."

I'm continuing to lose 1- 11/2 pounds a week, and MOST days I'm pretty active as well as adhering to the diet.    I'll shake of the blahs off tomorrow and be back to my normal positive self.  I hope I have less of these days when I am healthier.  Of course, I also hope by then I won't need medications for my depression any more - but I'll take that until a doctor tells me to stop.  Having a blah day is one thing, having non-functional days are another. 

Bariatric Betty meets with her surgeon, babbles, and bakes

Whew!  This last week was super busy, and the biggest best news was that I had my first appointment with my surgeon on Thursday.  Unfortunately, he was delayed by surgery, but that's fine with me - I would want him to take his time if it was me on the table!  That's how he keeps his complication rates so low.  Anyway, I got to chat with some other women who were waiting for their first appointments in the waiting room, so it was a win-win. 

He was incredibly friendly, open, and gave me as much time as I wanted to talk about the procedure and answer questions for me.  He says that he think that the RNY (rous-en-Y) gastric bypass is a great choice for me, and that just by the questions I asked he's sure I'm going to do well.  I was so nervous until he said that (like my systolic BP was 35 higher than normal, nervous).  He laughed and said they do that to everyone!  I was so worried that there would be something that made him think I was a poor candidate!!!  I was also worried about my blood sugar during and after the operation.  I've had some hypoglycemic episodes, and even though I know I will likely not be diabetic within a couple of days of surgery I'm really worried about them (or god forbid diabetic coma).  He reassured me that they will be monitoring my blood sugar during surgery, and will keep it slightly high rather than risk it going too low.  If I am on insulin at the end of the surgery then I will recover in ICU so that it is being checked constantly.  If not, then his partner that handles the inpatient care will continue to monitor and adjust my meds as needed until discharge.  I feel so reassured.  Here's the funny part - I asked when I should come back, and he said - as soon as your insurance approves you!  I don't need to see him again until after my 90 day diet is completed, the packet is submitted to my insurance, and they call me to set up the surgery date and pre-op tests! 

I have to give thanks for all my friends and family supporting me, but I especially want to thank my non-bariatric friends.  I have become self-obsessed with this.  I'm thinking about the surgery almost constantly - am I following the supervised diet well, did I do my exercises yet for the day, try not drinking while eating...  And my conversations include advice and stories from my dietician, trainer, psych, and even fellow bariatric patients and veterans.  My family is even taste-testing the Nectar protein powders with me.  My friends are learning more than they ever wanted to know about weight loss surgery, and I can't thank them enough for listening to me.  I promise I will try to remember to talk about other things and remember to ask about YOUR lives more. I was just visiting in Central Ohio for a few hours yesterday and was so grateful that I had the chance to talk to some of my friends who are so supportive.   Even knowing that others are reading this blog gives me a sense of a whole global community supporting me.  Who knew that I would have readers in 5 countries????

Now, for those who have not known me for long, there is something I need to tell you.  I bake.  A lot.  I love the act of baking - it appeals to the chemistry major in me.  Creating fun and delicious things that people enjoy.  I love sharing them - most of my long time friends are used to receiving cookie platters for Christmas and Hanukkah.  I even make some rocking gluten free cookies good for celiacs and during Passover.  It makes my day to hear that people enjoy my cookies, and it makes my year when a child asks "When are we getting your cookies again?"  Yesterday I saw a boy I haven't seen for over a year and as he ran by he stopped, pointed at me and said "LOVE your cookies!" and then took off again.  It's also quite a family tradition.  Growing up we always decorated our christmas tree with cookies, and now I put gingerbread on ours.  On new years even we invite friends, family, and kids from my children's classes to come and have a cookie party.  I have even been indoctrinated into the sacred order of Poticia makers (slovenian nut rolls).  Using family recipies is so much fun - and sometimes humorous; "You must use butter.  If you don't want to use butter, please do not make poticia.  If you use margarine the angry ghost of old slovenian women will haunt you!"  Did you know that you have to roll out the dough thin enough that you can see the print from a table cloth through it?  Paper thin.  What a sense of accomplishment when after 24 hours of work they come out well! 

So how am I going to balance diet and baking?  It's actually not impossible.  I start baking things for the holiday now and then put them in a downstair freezer.  I have baked while on Nutrisystem and Weightwatchers, and usually chewing gum while I'm baking is all I needed to get through it.  Then I let myself try a small piece of something when it's done (and count it in my food diary/ balancing it with exercise).  Next year I won't be able to have that small taste - but it will be SO WORTH IT.  And I won't be bringing any platters to my support group - sorry but I don't want to sabotage anyone!  In a couple of years when I'm at goal, maintaining, and not in danger of craving too much, I'll let myself have a bite or two.  If I'm not feeling full :)  I can't wait to feel full!

Bariatric Betty looks at Sticks and Stones

...but names will never hurt me.  Right.  I am confident that every person on this planet has been teased, tormented, or verbally abused at some point or another.  And we all know it hurts. 

Being overweight seems to attract insults like a magnet.  Somehow our society thinks it's acceptable to laugh at someones weight,and some even call them names to their faces.  I have always hated the train of thought that says people need to develop thicker skin, or take it as encouragement to make a change in their lives.  Yes, there is definitely something positive about being able to assimilate into society and it's standards.  But why is it so hard to accept someone overweight? 

I think that many people continue to think that people are fat because they are lazy.  Or stupid.  That we don't know that eating too much and exercising too little makes us fat - or that we don't care.  Don't they understand that nobody WANTS to be fat?  That all of us have dieted.  We have all lost weight.  And most of us have gained it back.  Plus more.  That many of us would remain overweight if we even ate just the 1800 calories in the USDA recommendations.  In the case of those of us looking at bariatric surgery, we will be committing ourselves to eating under 1000 calories for 1-2 years.  And even later, we will probably not eat more than 1300 calories for the rest of our lives.  That doesn't seem so simple, does it?

I think what really bothers me is that people make judgements about others without having a clue about them.  Do they know that you've been exercising every day for the last month?   Or that you are losing a pound every week?  Or that you are going to have surgery to try and have success for the first time in your life by sacrificing your diet, your time, your money, and addressing your deepest issues.  No, they make assumptions based on your appearance that you are less worthy of their respect and kindness.

This reminds me of a story I read a long time ago.  Paraphrasing to the best of my memory:  It was about a man riding home on the train or bus.  Some kids were running loose; screaming, laughing, and falling into other passengers.  Through it all, he notices that the father is sitting there, doing nothing about their poor behavior.  Eventually the father catches the upset look and quietly says "I'm so sorry, I know I should tell them to sit down and be quiet.  But you see, we've spent the whole day at the hospital with their mother.  She's dying.  And after they were quiet all day with her, I just don't have it in me to be mad at them and tell them to be quiet again."  I've always remembered that story - that we DON'T know the story behind other people.  What they gone through.  What they are going through right now. 

Instead of being viewing fat people as funny, disgusting, or sad - think of them as brave.  Every step they take uses more energy than a healthy person's step.  They have frequently gone to work or bed hungry even with food in the house, in hopes they could be healthier the next day.  Their brain has different reactions to even images or descriptions of food - behaving much like an addict's brain when it is on drugs.  Those of  us who have considered or gotten weight loss surgery like a gastric bypass have risked our lives with major surgery to get healthy.  Most of us would probably consider brain surgery if it could cure obesity. 

Instead, look at us and somewhere inside you, think "Good Luck". 

And if that doesn't make sense, think of it this way.  Most of the adults in the U.S. are at least overweight now, and unfortunately more are gaining weight all the time.  Hope it won't include you and your loved ones.  Or that one of us doesn't sit on you ;)