Bariatric Betty laughs and victories (scale and non-scale)

OK, for everyone who needs a laugh... My "shrinkles" (wrinkles of excess skin) continue to be amusing.  Most recently I found out that when you have goosebumps on top of shrinkles, it can look really bizarre.  Note to the non-WLS patient readers - we get cold, a lot.  Imagine that you had lived most of your life wearing multiple wool sweaters in all weather, and then suddenly they were taken off.  Our thermostat is out of whack, so we tend to get cold easily (and stay cold a long time) just like the elderly.  Anyway, catching site of myself naked while chilled led me to an instant one-phrase description: Pink Seersucker!  That's what my skin looked like.  I was amused enough to consider taking a picture - but not crazy enough to do it.  Pseudonym or not, I don't want naked pictures online!  So after googling pink seersucker online, here's my best representation of what "shrinkled" goose-bumped skin looks like:

The only thing I would add is that the goosebumps appear about 4 times larger than they do on normal skin - I think mostly because the skin is so loose.  It looked a cross between goosebumps and hives!  

During my stall, I've kept looking for NSV's.  The most recent one was I went through the last of the clothes that I purchased 6 months ago (at 5 weeks post-op) at our school district's sale (Budget Bin).  On the last day of the sale, you can purchase a bag for $5, and then fill it with anything!  I chose to buy a lot of clothes that way, since I was still a size 16 in pants, and 2x/1x in tops.   Everything was just on faith that I might fit into them someday.  I got a lot of pants, because I had already discovered during the first 5 weeks of shrinking that while you can wear too-big shirts forever, too-big pants will FALL DOWN.  Of course, it is flattering and emotionally strengthening to wear correct sizes, but during the rapid weight loss phase, you simply can't affort to keep buying new clothes.  So, I got a lot of 14s and 12s, some 10s, and 1 pair of size 8 and one pair of size 6 pants.  I really never expected to go below a size 10.  When I was starving myself to be skinny in high school I wore a size 10 at 112 pounds.  Since I know that wasn't a healthy weight, I knew I would never be that small again, but then there is vanity sizing. 

A size 10 now isn't a size 10 from 25 years ago.  Talking with some neighborhood moms has reinforced my estimation that you can weigh 30-40 pounds more (plus have given birth to children - that means wider hip bones, people) and still fit in the "same size" you used to.   So when I got down to a size 10 I was surprised and pleased, but I knew that it's also a lie they sell us.  Then a little while ago I blogged that I bought some size 8 jeans.  They actually fit.  That was unexpected for me -although not for my mentor Jojo, who has been telling me I would fit in a size 8 or smaller since I was pre-op.  She's smirking right now and thinking "I TOLD you so!".  I had only gotten the size 8 and 6 pairs of pants because they were "free" since I had extra room in my bag, and from upscale shops.  So here's the NSV - the other morning I was getting ready for work and realized the the jeans I was putting on were stained, and everything else that fit was in the laundry already.  I dug through my drawers and found the Size 6 Ann Taylor khakis and thought "Why not try them?" and they FIT.  Well, they fit around my waist and hips - they weren't petite so I had to wear boots with heels so I didn't trip (note to self- never again wear heels to work, walking constantly for 2 1/2 hours in heels is PAINFUL).  Now for the reality check - I also just tried on a 10 petite pair of jeans that I found in the same drawer which I had missed before and other than being highly unflattering - they were snug around my waist.  But still - I'll take the NSV - I fit into a size 6 pant!

The stall has broken!  My second longer stall (about 4 weeks) and the scale started moving again.  This wasn't as hard for me as you might think.  I'm very happy with my success so far, and when the first big stall happened and I started to wonder if I was at the end of my weight loss - and then I came to the conclusion that if it was, I was OK with that.  No longer diabetic, no longer morbidly obese or even obese, able to jog and keep up with my kids... if I was "stuck" there for the rest of my life, how bad would that be?  Totally worth changing my life for.  Four pounds and a month later and I stalled again.  Again, I didn't feel the panic and frustration I felt before surgery during stalls.  Keep working the program, just be happy for where I am... and apparently I'm not done yet!

As of this morning I am under 150 pounds for the first time since college.  This was the most remote possibility I considered in weight loss when I talked about goals with my surgeon.  Despite what BMI charts would lead me to believe, I don't believe I can be a healthy weight below 135.  Being top-heavy with a large chest and broad shoulders, not to mention my excess skin, the range of 113 - 141 for "normal" for average people people my height doesn't translate well.  So I had talked about wanting to get down into the 160's, that I would be thrilled to be in the 150's and I guess the lightest I could imagine being happy and healthy at was the 140's.  And now I'm there.  Whoa. 

So I'm not even 8 months out and I've lost about 95 pounds.  I don't think I need to lose any more (although my vanity would like to be able to say "I lost 100 pounds!").  I would like to exchange some more fat for muscle (around my abdomen, where I have always carried the most fat) - but wouldn't everyone?  We don't get to choose where our fat comes off.  My non-existant rear-end has thinned out further, and my legs which always were one of my best features have enough excess skin hanging on them that when I lift my leg up while laying down, it looks like one of those drippy-candles my mom used to have in old wine bottles.

You know, with the excess wax pooling around in layers at the bottom!  It's weird.  I have the bat wings under my arms, too.  All of this I consider battle scars and a strange source of pride - although I have taken effort to learn how to display the best part of my evolving body.  I will wear sleeveless shirts and dresses, but will keep my arms down and in close to my body most of the time - especially if there are pictures.  I'm most comfortable wearing a swimsuit with a skirt to hid the excess skin folds around my rear.  My chest is actually decreasing in size (YAY!!!) - although with the amount of skin I have it still fills a "D" cup easily.  If I ever have plastic surgery it will be a long-dreamed-of breast reduction - although I now wonder if the excess skin was removed how much additional reducing would be needed.  This is a bonus - even at that too-skinny stage in high school I was a 32DD.  I don't know why my body has decided to let go of some of the volume there now, but I'm not complaining!  So much has changed about my life; my body and health, getting a job, and how I can participate in more things with my friends and family.  But inside I'm still the same person, I just enjoy my life a lot more.
 

Bariatric Betty embraces "athlete" - new pic

OK, so that was a bit of a tease.  The "athlete" I am embracing is the title, and getting used to using it for myself. 

It should come as no shock that I've never been very athletic before.  How many morbidly obese people are?  When I was on a swim team in elementary school I was quickly labled slow and used to fill slots at meets where we didn't have enough "good" swimmers to compete.  Let me tell you, being told to compete in the 100m butterfly when I couldn't even really DO the butterfly was humiliating.  Heaven forbid they just let the lane be empty.  I was OK on diving team - not great, but at least I could place occasionally.   I played defense on the community league soccer in junior high.  I enjoyed biking to school a lot through high school, and became a lifeguard.  As an overweight adult I spent a year doing Master's Swimming (without going to meets, just working out with the team) and became a pretty good endurance swimmer (1-2 miles).   As an obese mom I spent hours biking to earn points for Weight Watchers. As a morbidly obese mom I finally gave in to encouragement and started doing Tai Kwon Do at the school my sons attended.  That was REALLY fun.  In fact, after about 4 months I competed at a tournament and won the only gold medal/ first place in an athletic event I have ever received.  *Full disclosure - it was only me and a grandfather competing in that round, but I was still proud I beat him, and so were my kids!

I have been walking 1-2.3 miles a day with my dog for the past 3 years.  Most days 2.3 miles since surgery.  In the winter before surgery I picked up an elliptical on Craig's List and used it religously.  Starting at 6 weeks post-op in April through June I was walking an additional 5000 steps a day M-F as a school monitor, and that boosted my average daily steps up to at least 14,000.  When school ended for the summer break I knew I needed a plan, so I started Couch-to-5-K training with my two boys. 

I've talked about that in previous posts, so for those who want to learn more about the awesome program check out www.coolrunning.com for details. 

A few months ago I purchased a body fat percentage monitor to help keep track of progress when it isn't showing up on the scale (I also measure my waist, chest, biceps, and thighs occasionally).  In the user's manual it instructed you to choose between the "normal" and "athlete" setting.  There was a calculation in the manual where you multiplied a factor for the intensity of your workout, times the factor for the frequency of your workout, times the factor for the length of your workout.  If the answer was 60 or higher, you should choose the setting "athlete".  If it was below 60 you should choose the setting "normal".  I was befuddled.  Some days I walked for an hour (medium intensity, long time), some days I did Couch-2-5-k training and walked 30 or 45 or 60 minutes in addition (some medium, some high intensity, variable time).  I worked out everyday, and the frequency maxed out at 5 times a week.  Most ways I calculated it, I came out to 60 or more.  So, I could choose "athlete".  But, I didn't feel right doing that.  When I started using it I was still obese - and while I was working out frequently, how do you reconcile that with "athlete"?

The idea of the "athlete" setting is to indicate that your muscle mass may be higher than that of the average person.  When I started measuring I was obese (no longer "morbidly obese", but still obese).  Regardless of the amount I was exercising that week, or the last few weeks, I didn't think I had the muscle mass they were talking about.  So I decided to watch for an indicator that made me think I could justify the "athlete" setting.

About a month ago I found out that my lower half no longer floats in the swimming pool - weird.  Of all things, floating has always been something that overweight people are generally good at.  I was no longer obese, just overweight, but only my top half liked to float.  If I was vertical in the water I had to really actively tread water to keep my head up.  Huh.  OK, maybe I was getting closer - but I felt that I would find a better indicator.  About a week ago during a stall I realized that I had lost another inch around my chest in the last 6 weeks.  And my body fat percentage on the normal setting has gone from 36 to 33% in the past 3 months.  Good progress!  A little algebra and I figured out that at my heaviest I probably had 54% body fat.  Painful to note, but good inspiration.

Today was V-Day.  I had been looking forward to/ dreading todays couch-2-5-k training all week - instead of alternating jogging for a period with walking for a period, today I was going to jog for 20 minutes straight.  I prepared my family that it was going to be tough, that I was going to be exhausted, but I thought I could do it.  The last training session of week 5.

My first nice surprise was that my almost-12 year old (who was recently struggling with motivation, see prior posts) decided he was going to run the 20 minute jog with me.  The last workout he did a 180 degree turnaround and stuck out jogging for both the 8 minute jogs instead of complaining and wimping out after 1 minute like previously.  This morning he said "I'm doing it, too, Mom."  I was so happy.  So we started the 20 and he chimed in "I think I'm gonna do that 5 k with you, too" (having previously announced for the last couple weeks that he would cheer me on, but he wasn't gonna run it with me).  More grins.  My 9 year old was responding well to his brand new inhaler - so it looks like part of his difficulty was that he has exercise-induced asthma (it kicks in just after 3 minutes of jogging).  More grins.  I passed the 10 minute mark (having already lapped my almost-12 year old once - hah!) and realized I felt good.  Came up on the 15 minute mark and realized I was not feeling like I was dying.   I should trust this program by now - each time I've dreaded something and thought I might not be able to handle it, it hasn't been bad!  As we finished our last lap I was getting ready to lap my almost 12-year old for the third time when he saw me coming and picked up the pace.  Oh-no-he-d'int!?!  So I extended my legs and RAN for the last 1/2 lap,  And passed him by a TINY bit.  Sorry sweetie - but now your Momma has got game.   

So I have decided to proudly switch to the "athlete" setting.  It feels right today.  And on that setting, I was happy to see that I now have 29.9% body fat.  That is considered "normal"!  I'm not going to get hung up on reaching the BMI "normal" - so it is welcome news that some calculation out there already has me at "normal" when I'm not done yet.  I imagine that even if I don't lose a lot more weight, I will lose more fat/ gain more muscle.  In my head I heard Olympic Theme this morning, 8 hours before it will be broadcast from London.  I acknowledge proudly, as of today, I am an athlete.

Bariatric Betty starts her new job, looks at her progress 8 weeks out

So I started my job as a monitor at the elementary school yesterday, and it's a lot of fun!  I work with Kindergarteners, 1st graders, and 3rd graders.  I knew several kids already from my neighborhood, and from volunteering with 2nd graders for math last year.  The first time I monitored recess I had four little Kindergarten girls taking turns holding my hands and "showing me" all over the playground.  The third grade recess is more along the lines of girl drama, i.e. "She used to be my friend, but now she says she's her best friend, not mine!"  The boys seem to be more rough and tumble at both ages, but then they're back to being friends again. 

I was hoping to have 2nd graders so I could see what happens during my son's recess, but at least I'll get to see him all next year.

My big concern was how my body would handle standing and walking around for 2 1/2 hours non-stop.  It used to be that just an hour or more of that used to cause me to sweat like I was working out.  I've lost almost 60 pounds, so I hoped I would be fine.  I'm happy to say it's literally "no sweat". :)   Not that I don't enjoy sitting down when I'm done - that feels lovely.  But, it doesn't feel like I'm exhausted. 

Yesterday I brought a Quest protein bar which I ate halfway through working, but had a headache by the time I got home.  This time, I ate 1/2 of a Quest bar right before arriving, and then an hour later drank 24 ounces of Crystal Light and had a lunch of lentils and greek yogurt when I got back home - no headache!  The monitor that I'm replacing brought in donuts today to share for her last day, and I watched everyone else eat them without any cravings - Yay!  I love the honeymoon period.  Gotta train that brain. 

I have worn a pedometer both days, and found that I take 4000-5000 steps while working.  Needless to say, I no longer have problems getting in more than 10,000 steps a day! 

So I'm now 8 weeks post-op and really excited with how things are going.  I have lost 58 pounds so far (30 pre-op and 28 post) and my BMI has gone from 42.3 to 32.7!  My next big achievement is a while off - when I lose another 22 pounds I will no longer be considered obese.  Now that my weight loss is slowing a bit, I anticipate that will probably take a couple of months. So, I'm going to be looking forward to celebrating other benchmarks;  going down another size, being able to workout on a day I also work without burning out, feeling more comfortable eating in front of others... 

My son's first communion is 4/21 and we're going to go to brunch at First Watch afterwords.  For those of you who haven't been - First Watch only serves breakfast/ brunch/ lunch.  They have a lot of egg dishes, which is what I'll be sticking to.

My last entry I talked about ordering a dress a size smaller than I currently was for my friend's wedding reception.  The dress came in, and so I tried it on to see how far off I was.  Unfortunately, I got a reminder that just because I'm losing weight does not mean I can wear any style/ cut.  Being unusually top-heavy means I will not be wearing that dress - I would have to lose 4 inches in my bust.  In losing 60 pounds I have lost 3 1/2 inches in my bust - and I'm not planning on losing 60 more.  However, I did find another dress on sale from Lands End that I got at the bargain price of $6.99 that DOES fit and I will probably wear it to the reception, so things all worked out in the end!

Bariatric Betty - 5 weeks out, new totals, new job!

So today is day 36, and tomorrow I get to start trying transitional foods.  That means very small amounts of super-toasted bread products (the crunchier, the better) and things like a bite or two of iceberg lettuce.  Woo-hoo!  Chewing continues to become more and more important as I eat more things that won't just slide out the tiny opening in my stomach.  I've had several reminders to CHEW MORE like two unchewed lentils stuck together blocking that opening and causing pain and vomitting.  Once it was a shredded piece of cheese.  The new crunchier foods increase that risk if I don't chew well.  I continue to feel uneasy about eating in front of others outside my immediate family because of this, but I'll keep working through it.  My best friend was sweet enough to not only give me the entire menu for her wedding reception, but to tell me the restaurant that's catering it, so I can try things ahead of time if I want.  I'll still need to eat protein I pack, but I could at least taste some palak paneer!

So lots of good news this week.  As of today, I actually weigh the weight on my driver's license!  That is very exciting, and again makes me wonder why they don't actually have us stand on a scale (without our seeing the weight) that would automatically enter the weight in the computer at the DMV (and not put it on the driver's license for the world to see).  After all, if I had disappeared a year ago, they would have been looking for someone that weighed 52 pounds less than I did - how would that have helped them find me? I have actually imagined that heaven forbid I had been murdered and they found my body, them saying "Nope, this can't be that girl, she's much more obese."  HELLO - how many of the people getting license give their correct weight?  I'm guessing even those who have never been obese fudge a little.

Yup, 52 pounds!  My BMI has gone from 42.1 down to 33.9.  I'm losing 1 to 2 pounds a week, which is right on target for now.  It will slow further as I have less to lose.    I'm very excited about achieving my next goal - no longer being obese.  When my BMI gets to 29.9, I will be overweight, but not obese.  Celebrating being overweight sounds oxymoronic, but when you started out being Morbidly Obese, it's a real milestone. 

So yesterday I brought a pizza party to my son's classroom to celebrate his birthday.  I suggested that instead of cupcakes or cookies, because I figure by giving them a lunch of cheese pizza, grapes, and water they were probably eating the same number of calories they would normally get at lunch, but it felt like a huge treat.  The kids had a blast - and funny enough I didn't have the slightest craving for the pizza.  I didn't even want to lick my fingers as I plated all 24 servings.  I used to love pizza. 

So after lunch I stopped by to chat with the principal and let her know that I will be all healed up and off restrictions after our spring break, so if she needed anyone to sub as a monitor (watching the kids for lunch and recess) I would be available.  She had offered to hire me fulltime (2.5 hours a day M-F) last fall after I had applied as a sub, but I had told her that with the planned surgery I would be out a couple months in the winter/ spring, and didn't think it would be fair to them.  Her response was "How did you know?  Did you know?  That I just got two resignations this morning?  They're on my desk right now!"  So, I'm hired "fulltime" as of 4/16!  The pay isn't great, but I will only be working when my kids are in school, I'll have a really good idea of what's really going on in the elementary school, and hopefully I can help keep the peace.  Given my strong sense of fairness and sense that school should be a safe place for children, I hope neither the principal nor I regret this!

The interesting thing is I realize now that I probably couldn't have done this last fall when I applied.  You see, you constantly stand and walk for 2 1/2 hours.  While I was walking 2 miles a day, doing the elliptical for 1/2 hour (5 miles) and other active things, just standing for an hour used to make me sweat.  I remember volunteering at the bookfair and walking around a small room helping kids for 1 1/2 hours and being sweaty and exhausted.  Because when you are morbidly obese, your body works really hard just STANDING for a long period.  It was easier to do 5 miles on the elliptical than stand/ walk a little for 1 1/2 hours.  

So I'm going to start increasing the lengths or my walk with my dog now to make sure I build up my endurance a bit more before starting my job in April.  I know my body is totally different now, and I'm not as limited as I was, but I'm still obese and at my current approx. 600 calories a day, my energy level isn't sky high by any means.  At least I know I will be guaranteed a lot of walking (in addition to walking my dog) for the rest of the school year.  Once summer starts, I'm looking at starting Couch To 5k training with the whole family.  Now that will be interesting.