Ouch! Doing so well, and then a detour

Yesterday my natural grace and coordination led to a badly sprained ankle.  As in, I can't bear ANY weight on it right now.  I went to the hospital to have an x-ray done and they said nothing is broken.  I'm surprised, but thrilled.  It doesn't hurt to badly right now as long as nothing touches it and I don't put any weight on it or move it.  It's in an aircast splint and I'm on crutches.  No weight bearing for three days, and then only as pain allows for the next couple weeks.  Like I want to push that one!  I can only take tylenol for pain because of the restrictions post-bypass, but as long as I'm resting, that's fine.

While I'm THRILLED it's not broken, I'm still sad that this has gotten in my way temporarily.  I have been doing really well since my last post, going to the rec and jogging and walking frequently.  I was on my way there yesterday when a step in the garage foiled my plans.  My eating is much better as well.  I've seen just a bit of change on the scale, but I'm reminding myself that by increasing my cardio, I'm also gaining muscle again.  Best measure - I'm feeling a lot better about myself.

I will be getting a LOT of upper body/ core work with the crutches for the next couple weeks.  I'm hoping after a couple of days I might be able to swim (with the aircast on).  I'll probably also try to get to the arm machines (you know, the ones that look like you're pedaling a bicycle with your hands).  My fitbit numbers are going to take quite a hit.

Logistics around my house are going to be hard.  My boys (11 and 13) depend on me way too much.  They are used to me making every meal, and most snacks.  I warned them yesterday that they are going to have to make their own food for at least the next few days, and help make mine - I just can't carry anything when I'm non-weight bearing on crutches.  They sounded very supportive and understanding, but reality will hit today, I'm sure.

I also can't walk the dogs - so they will have to take that over as well.  Laundry - well, luckily my 13 y.o. son owes me two loads!  He's a sneakerhead (collects and trades sneakers - it's weird, but think baseball cards).  Normally my boys can earn $1 for doing a load (washing, drying, and carrying upstairs, but yesterday my husband came up with something BRILLIANT.  Justin wanted to go to a shoe store and we made him sign a contract that each time we take him to a shoe store he owes us 2 loads of laundry.  He went to one yesterday, so I have two freebie loads waiting in the wings!  Woo-hoo!

Luckily I had just made up a batch of my sauteed julienned zucchini & onions, with veggie crumbles and spaghetti sauce on top, so it just needs to be heated up with mozzarella on top for my dinner for the next 3 nights.  I've got a bunch of lentils with caramelized onions cooked in the fridge, so put a little cheddar and greek yogurt on that and my lunch is prepared for the next week.  Scrambled eggs I'm good for today, and tomorrow I can either have my husband make them for me or make them while sitting on a stool in the kitchen and just have everyone get everything for me.

It's my left ankle, so I can theoretically drive, although I won't be doing much of that.  It will help that I can take my kids up to the pool at the rec and just sit on a lounge chair with my leg(s) up.  Summer break = cabin fever, and while I can entertain myself (with the computer, books, and some knitting on a loom), my kids will start bouncing off the walls and/ or bugging each other.  The dogs are also a bit freaked out by crutches and aircast, not to mention that I'm not the one walking them.  They'll get used to it.

They said to plan on the aircast and modified activity for at least 2 weeks, and the aircast for more vigorous activity for 2 months after that.  So, when I feel up to jogging again, I'll have to find a way to get a shoe over this thing.  Still, it's not a cast, and I will keep reminding myself it could be SO much worse.

On the other front, I've turned in my applications for grad school - a Masters of Education - School Counseling.  I'm waiting for my recommendation letters to get turned in, but everything else is in.  I hope to enroll for Spring 2015, and probably won't hear until October if I've been accepted anywhere.  I also found that as a part-time student with a low undergrad GPA from 22 years ago, there won't be any financial aid for now.  That stinks, but I can scrape to pay for one class at a time for the first year, and then I'll have a nice high GPA to submit for scholarships.  Eventually I'll have to go full-time, and then I'll be eligible for a G.A. (graduate assistant) position which can cover most of the tuition.  Hopefully I'll be able to land one - usually only about 10% of students do.  And there will be loans.  But, it will all be with it - and grad school will not be the hardest thing I've done by a long shot!!!

Naked girls, Head Hunger, and Ups and Downs

I haven't written for a while - I've felt like I've been treading water a lot since graduation.  Not specifically with my weight loss, just juggling a lot of family things.  Anyway, the news blackout ends today thanks to my 10 year old son!

My son has apraxia (a motor planning disorder) and aphasia (a language disorder that makes it hard to find/ understand common words sometimes).  I mention this because when he wants to discuss something, it's often something that he's been thinking about for a while and trying to figure out how to say it.  As a result, he comes up with some thoughts you wouldn't expect to hear from a 10 year old, and today was one of those days. 

I was driving him to a birthday party and Miley Cyrus was singing "Wrecking Ball" on the radio.  For those of you lucky enough not to know this, Miley is a 21 year old former Disney star who is desperately trying to shake the Disney-good-girl image and swung naked on a wrecking ball for video for this song.  So, out of nowhere, my son starts this conversation.

Him: "Mom, you know, I think Miley is pushing it too far."
Me: *Chuckle* "Yeah, I think you're right."
Him: "I mean, she's just pushing it to far.  I have a hypothesis. You know, boys like to see naked girls."
Me: "Okay"
Him: "But I think, really, that truly boys want to see girls not."
Me: "Oh, you mean not naked?  That they would like to see them with clothes on."
Him: "Yeah.  That's better.  It's kind of like with you, Mom.  Your brain tells you that you want to eat some frosting.  But you really don't because you know it will make you feel bad.  And it's kind of like that for boys."

Yup, my 10 year old just summed up Head Hunger and hypothesized that it's the same as boys thinking they want to see naked girls.

Oh, and he explained that they were talking about hypotheses at school, but that he had already learned it from watching The Big Bang Theory.  That's my boy.

So what's been going on otherwise.  Well, one thing that hasn't been going on is my jogging.  I'm still getting in 10,000 to 15,000 steps a day, but I haven't jogged more than a couple minutes in a few months.  I haven't signed up for any 5ks for about 6 months.  So is it being lazy?  Yes, that's part of it.  I haven't been motivated to pick up the pace much. 

I do have a couple valid excuses that make it easier to justify walking.  One is our new rescue dog who is 5 pounds and part Chihuahua.  He just can't run fast/ far.  It took a while to build up his endurance to even being able to walk over a mile.  Now that it's freezing out, he also can't be outside for long.

Sharing some personal health and potential TMI (feel free to skip to the next paragraph) - another is my rectocele problem.  Apparently I'm now experiencing pelvic organ prolapse, which means that things aren't suspended in my pelvis the way they used to be.  Sometimes that causes pressure that is a little uncomfortable, and is continuing to cause some difficulties in voiding bowel movements.  In addition to that, it causes occasional incontinence, which is often brought on by bouncing (like jogging).  Now there is a way around this - I can do my best to void ahead of time and not drink a lot before jogging, and wear a pad or something to catch leakage... I've talked to my doctor and she says she's ready to refer me to a surgeon anytime, but that it won't cause any harm for me to wait as long as none of my internal parts start permanently protruding externally, and it's not causing me actual pain.  Neither of those things are happening.  I know I will have to have the surgery at some point, but I'm just not looking forward to it, so I'm postponing it for now.

So what affect is this decrease in activity intensity having?  My weight remains stable, but I have lost some muscle tone.  That means I must have also gained a couple pounds of fat in exchange, but I'm not bothered by it.  I'm wearing the same sizes, and I use my weight stability as a measure.  I've been baking like a fiend for the holidays, and for 99% of the time I have done remarkably well in not tasting the things I bake.  I have more temptations with everyday things in the house, but tend to see any change in my daily weigh-in as a reminder to "Eat Clean, D**n It!".  I have decreased my daily intake to match my lower calorie burning.  Seems to be working, but if I started to see creep on the scale, it would definitely be a motivator.  Maybe I will start swimming laps again... no bouncing there!

I have been feeling an overwhelming sense  of gratitude most days - gratitude that I'm healthy, that I have the energy my family needs from me, that my family is safe and happy and whole.  As we come into the holidays I'm reminded of people who don't have these things.  The anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting is another reminder.  I decided to do the 26 Acts of Kindness again this year, inspired by the Sandy Hook families.  I'm getting the whole family involved, having them help think of things we can do other than waiting for opportunities to present themselves.  I don't just want to buy something or donate money, I want to do things that make somebody's life a little easier or bring them a smile.  I also think it helps keep us focused on others during this season of rampant consumerism.  Don't think I'm preaching or trying to be an inspiration, I've got a closet full of Santa's surprises that I'll be paying the bill for this month.  I'm just trying to balance that out a little :)

I hope all of you will find smiles of your own, and hopefully getting to spend some quality time with the ones you love this month.  I hope you all had a Happy Hanukkah, have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!
 

Bariatric Betty - broken records

The last week has been a good one.  Thanksgiving went according to plan - I kept things simple and relaxed at our house and everyone had a good time.  We even got some good family pictures!  I really enjoy having my picture taken now, which still strikes me as funny after years of dreading it.  We got to see a lot of family, including one Aunt who is considering weight loss surgery.

My uncle asked me if I would feel comfortable talking about my experience with her.  LOL. Yeah, we don't talk much anymore, so he didn't know the answer to that question.  My main concern was if he or family members were pressuring her to consider surgery since mine has gone so well.  I am HAPPY to talk about my surgery with anyone, and encourage people who are interested, but so many people don't realize that the surgery doesn't solve the problem.  They think "If my loved one just does this, then in a year she'll have lost all this weight and we can go on with our lives with her healthy."  If only it was that easy.

First, you have to understand why you're obese to begin with.  Why do you eat what you eat?  Are you a volume over-eater? Are you a sweets junkie?  Are you a sugared soda or coffee addict?  Are you a carbaholic?  Do you drink alcohol often?  Are you an emotional eater?  When you've been on diets do you "cheat" often?  How active are you, and how active are you willing to be?  Are you trying to hide under your layers of fat - trying to make yourself disappear?  Are you trying to push people away with your size?  These issues have to be identified and addressed before surgery- yes, you can change how much and what you're going to eat, but if the reasons you got this way don't change then any loss will be temporary. 

Then there are the risks of the surgery.  People die.  Other people have serious complications.  Some of us have none (like me) but you can't expect that outcome.  Does your insurance even cover weight loss surgery?  If it does, can you afford your portion of the cost?  Are you prepared to be on a pre-approval medically supervised diet for 3, 6, or even 9 months before you even find out if your insurance will approve your surgery?  Do you have medical records documenting your obesity for several years?  Do you log/ journal your food - every bite?  These are things you will have to do.  There will be ongoing costs after surgery - you will be on supplements for the rest of your life - over the counter supplements that will not be covered by insurance.  Then there are the extra labs and doctor's visit you will need to pay for as well (again, for the rest of your life).

Are you ready for the scrutiny that accompanies the knowledge that you are a WLS patient?  The feeling that people are watching what you're eating (either out of curiosity or concern) all the time.  Sometimes they watch with judgement.  Are you prepared for "bad pouch days" when food gets stuck in the new stomach's stoma and makes you sick?  Can you give up drinking while eating (and for an hour afterword) for the rest of your life?  Can you limit yourself to eaing mostly protein for the rest of your life?  No, you will never eat like "normal" people do.  Yes, sometimes you will be able to fake it, but you will spend a large chunk of time figuring out how you will satisfy your nutritional needs and restrictions every day FOREVER.  Going out to eat requires pre-planning/ homework.  It won't feel fun and like a treat.  Going on vacation bring s similar planning and stress.  Eating at a friend's house can be uncomfortable because of your situation - imagine being allergic to gluten and dairy.  That's an example of how some people have to change their diet post-op - some can't handle wheat products at all but those who can eat it can't have much, and some become lactose intolerant.  There will be no more alcohol.  Your doctor may give you permission to drink a small glass of wine or beer after a year post-op, but most will say "No."  We are at high risk for alcohol related problems because of how our modified bodies metabolize the alcohol.

Family support can mean everything in the chances for your success.  If your spouse is supportive and encouraging it can go a long way.  But does your spouse have a history of sabotaging previous efforts to get healthy?  Encouraging you to cheat "just one little bite" or insisting on having snacks around for him or her that are too tempting for you?  Your new lifestyle will change your family's lifestyle as well, and while it will likely make them healthier they won't always like it.  Many people with rocky relationships see those relationships deteriorate after surgery.   The non WLS patient partner can feel jealous of the attention you get (especially from the opposite sex) and the time you are spending focusing on yourself that you used to spend on them.  If you have problems in your relationship your weight loss will not fix them.  I'm a firm believer that all WLS patients should seek counseling before surgery.  Sometimes couples therapy is also helpful. 

Are you prepared for the ongoing struggle both mentally and physically that will not go away?  This surgery fixes your stomach to a small size, but it does not fix your brain.  90% of our struggle is in our brain.  Sometimes I feel like a broken record talking about it, but it's true.  

Having gatric bypass surgery is one of the best things in my life, but it is not to be done lightly. 

Speaking of broken records, I had a couple this week.  I reached a new "low" on the scale, which is always fun.  My weight is fluctuating up and down +/- 2 pounds these days, but I'm losing about 1 pound a month on average.  My other broken record was a jog I did. 3.3 miles!!!  It felt great, especially because it was on new fallen snow and I felt like celebrating that I didn't fall once!  The adreneline from the fear of falling probably hyped my endorphins up a bit.  My 5k is in 8 days, and I can't wait.  I hope my 12 year old can keep up with me :)
 

Bariatric Betty has an attitude

It's all in the attitude.  How you interpret what happens around you, when you hear bad news, when you hear about something wonderful that someone has done...  Your personal take on everything is shaped by your attitude.

I'm praying for all the families and friends of the victims in Aurora, Colorado.  I'm praying for the family of the shooter.  And while I cringe in horror at the unspeakable violence, I give thanks that more didn't die.  It seems amazing to me that with 70 people shot, the fact that the deaths were limited to 12 very loved people is close to miraculous.  I think about the girl who wasn't injured but stayed in the theater instead of escaping so she could keep pressure on the neck wound of her friend, or the boy who died shielding his girlfriend and I find inspiration.

Does this mean I find the silver lining in everything?  No.  Am I always positive?  Definitely not.  But I try to make a concious choice to react in a positive way as much as I can. 

This morning I was getting ready for couch-2-5-k training, getting ready to finally start week 5 after delaying it in hopes that my sons would catch up.  The thought of jogging 3 5minute 1/2 miles with 3 minute walks in between was stressing me out a bit, and I was nervous on how I would handle it.  I had told the kids that they should jog as long as they could and then walk for a while.  Before we even left for the rec center, my almost 12 year old was complaining.  "I hate training."  "I REALLY hate training days."  "I don't want to train."  "Training is boring."  "It's too hot and humid to train." This last one was funny given that we train inside on an air conditioned track.

Attitude.  You know - I can handle the kids not being able to jog as much as me.  It's disappointing, and I wanted them to be able to run my first race with me, but I'll get over it.  It's more important that they are being active and healthy.  But the attitude...


I repeatedly said "I understand that's how you're feeling, but we're still going.  Please stop complaining."  When we got there, the complaints turned to "Can I do it on the treadmill?  This is so boring.  At least there I can watch TV."  No, start walking the 5 minute warm up.  Immediately he started walking slower and fell behind my 9 year old and I.  I never saw him jog.  He says he did "for a little" before his leg started to hurt. 

I got so frustrated that after I lapped him three time while he was complaining I just tuned him out for the rest of the workout.  When I finished and was tired and sweaty he started making excuses while simultaneously complaining some more.  I told him I didn't want to hear it.  That I would talk to him later, but that if I talked to him right now I was going to yell at him, and I didn't want to yell at him.

How do kids learn that it is the hardest things that bring the most satisfaction when you accomplish your goal?  How do they learn to stick it out, to push themselves, and to not be afraid to fail?  I can tell them to do stuff, I can show them by example, I can cheer them on and express disappointment or give them consequences if they bail.  But how do you get them to start making that choice to endure, to grow, and to surpass themselves?  Whatever the key is, I haven't found it yet. 

I'm going to try to talk to him about it shortly, now that I've had a shower and lunch.  He has dreams that on various days include the NFL, being a computer game designer, a chef, and a police officer.  No matter what your dreams are, to succeed in life you have to keep going when you're bored, or frustrated, or unhappy.  He did Tai Kwan Do for 5 years and earned his black belt when he was 9.  That was when we could drag him to practices and tell him that he HAD to do his best, and he would.  That last year as he tested and prepared for his black belt I thought he got it.  At least for Tai Kwan Do.  I hoped that would carry over into the rest of his life.

I don't need either of my kids to be gold medalists, millionaires, or elected to an office to feel I've succeeded as a parent.  I need them to be able to take care of themselves, work hard, do their best and be able to feel proud of their accomplishments without needing external rewards.  There's a lot of room to grow here.
Since we left the rec he has been making an effort to be helpful and respectful.  He knows he's in trouble.  I hope I can impart more wisdom than anger.  And then he will be helping me with chores for the rest of the day.  After making my morning harder than it needs to be, he can help make my afternoon and evening easier. 

Bariatric Betty has new pictures!

OK, this is a composite I made of pictures from me pre-op (20 pounds lost), 1 month post-op (total of 40 pounds lost), and 4 months post-op (total of 77 pounds lost).

Per my 11 year old son, looking over my shoulder "You look better!"  Thanks, honey. 

We started week 2 of Couch to 5K training today and it kicked things up a notch.  I was definitely sweating more than I was on the last two workouts.  We just increased the length of time we jog/ walk by 30 seconds each - but when you were only jogging 60 seconds at a time and that changes to 90 seconds, you notice! 

One of the surprise benefits of training with my boys is that we are getting positive feedback from community members observing us at the Rec Center.  Twice now people have asked if I'm their coach to which I've replied "I'm Coach Mom".  Then they've gone on to talk about how cool it is to see a family doing something like this together, how healthy it is, etc.  That's fun to hear, but it's even better for my sons to hear.  My younger son is the more reluctant participant of our group, but even he is finding it fun at times - he starts doing funny little sideways steps while jogging to make us laugh, or seeing how fast he can make his finger bounce against the railing while we're jogging (by applying just enough pressure he can make it vibrate/ skip so fast that it looks superhuman-fast).  Not to mention singing along to "We are the Champions" by Queen as we finished our last reps today. 

Since they pushed through the new level so well today I took them out to one of their favorite places - it has go karts, bumper cars, bumper boats, inflatables, and more.  They had a blast (and I got to take a break and read a little) so it was a win-win for everybody.  This is a picture from the first day we started training.  I look forward to comparing that to a picture of us when we finish our first 5K!

Bariatric Betty 99 days post op; Joy, Pride, and Fitbit!

I went to my 3 month post-op visit this week and got great news!  Since my operation I have lost 40 pounds, which is 46% of my excess weight on the day of surgery. 70 pounds since the beginning of my blog.  The doctor was thrilled and called me a "model patient".  I felt like my teacher just gave me a big gold star, and couldn't stop smiling all day - even when my labs where being drawn.  I also enjoyed wearing my new size 12 shorts that day. 

I got a Fitbit this month, kind of a pedometer on steroids.  It not only tracks steps taken and distance traveled, but flights of stairs climbed, calories burned based on your profile, and has a motivating graphic of a flower that grows taller the more active you have been in the past 3 hours.  I have been LOVING my Fitbit, and the fact that it downloads the info wirelessly to the website, which then communicates my exercise information to www.myfitnesspal.com (where I log my food) automatically - which really simplifies my activity logging.  I've also found  that it motivates me to push myself farther - so I can reach the 10 flights of stairs, or so I can hit a new "record" for steps taken in a day, etc. 

I clip my Fitbit on every morning, and the morning I had my follow-up appointment was no different.  What was different was that by the time I was at my surgeon's office I realized it wasn't clipped on any longer.  I lost my Fitbit.  I back-tracked my errands that morning and have been unable to find it, so I contacted support@fitbit.com and asked them if I could purchase another unit but without the charging base (and therefore hopefully cutting down the replacement cost).  To my surprise, after giving them the information about where I purchased it, on what date, and what email address it was registered under, they offered to send me a new one FOR FREE!  Are you kidding me?  I can't say enough about their customer service.  Their product didn't break - this was all on me and they are sending me a new one. 

So I'm sending a shout-out to the folks at Fitbit today, and it's just part of the reason I'm smiling so much this week.

Here's another.  I've lost two pounds in the last two days.  Huh?  Yeah, we all know that our weight fluctuates daily.  So a one day one pound difference is normal, and I tend to lose 1-2 pounds a week right now.  The weird part is, I was already down 1.5 pounds for this week - and now I lost another 2.  So I found myself grinning as I walked around the neighborhood with my dog this morning.  It's important not to become dependent on seeing weight loss on the scale all the time - I have gone for 5 days or so without seeing a drop, and those are the days that I have to remind myself that my body will go at it's own pace but continue to get healthier as long as I follow the program.  I remind myself that I will have plateaus in the future - real ones that last weeks, not days.  But to not do anything different and lose 3.5 pounds this week instead of 1-2... yeah, baby!

After my appointment, I had another class with the nutritionist.  I explained that I was concerned about trying bread and pasta - both because they could be triggers, and because I was worried about dumping.  She encouraged me to try some small low carb options.  I tried making cheese pizza on Flatout Lite Italian and could only eat about 2/3 of it.  It didn't make me sick, but the bread felt like a rock in my pouch - not really painful but uncomfortable.  I have no interest in trying it again any time soon - no trigger there.  Then last night I tried eating half a small pita bread as a cheese sandwich with provolone, lettuce, and avocado.  It tasted great, but I got that same pouch-full-of-setting-cement feeling after a couple bites.  So I know I CAN eat these grains in moderation without dumping, or having them get stuck.  But I don't WANT to.  Avocado, on the other hand, I think I could eat daily (yum!) if only it was a protein source ;) 

I'm really proud of myself and feel certain that I will get to my personal goal (140-150 pounds).  The surgeon expects that I might be around 150 at my 6 month follow-up! 

I'm preparing for the end of the school year.  I will enjoy spending more time with my sons (most of the time, anyway) and not going to work.  However, I will be losing the paychecks and guaranteed extra 5000-7000 steps M-F that I have been getting as a school monitor.  So, I'm preparing to start Couch to 5K training with my boys.  My goal is for all three of us to be able to jog one as a team by the end of the summer.  I've never liked running, and don't have the best knees in the world, but after hearing about the successes of other WLS patients with this program, I'm really excited to try.  That, walking the dog, and swimming will be my exercise staples over break, supplemented by the elliptical on bad weather days.  We are also planning for our upcoming trip to Williamsburg and some weddings of friends. 

Hoping all my readers have one of these can't-stop-smiling days soon.  Happy Friday!

Bariatric Betty starts her new job, looks at her progress 8 weeks out

So I started my job as a monitor at the elementary school yesterday, and it's a lot of fun!  I work with Kindergarteners, 1st graders, and 3rd graders.  I knew several kids already from my neighborhood, and from volunteering with 2nd graders for math last year.  The first time I monitored recess I had four little Kindergarten girls taking turns holding my hands and "showing me" all over the playground.  The third grade recess is more along the lines of girl drama, i.e. "She used to be my friend, but now she says she's her best friend, not mine!"  The boys seem to be more rough and tumble at both ages, but then they're back to being friends again. 

I was hoping to have 2nd graders so I could see what happens during my son's recess, but at least I'll get to see him all next year.

My big concern was how my body would handle standing and walking around for 2 1/2 hours non-stop.  It used to be that just an hour or more of that used to cause me to sweat like I was working out.  I've lost almost 60 pounds, so I hoped I would be fine.  I'm happy to say it's literally "no sweat". :)   Not that I don't enjoy sitting down when I'm done - that feels lovely.  But, it doesn't feel like I'm exhausted. 

Yesterday I brought a Quest protein bar which I ate halfway through working, but had a headache by the time I got home.  This time, I ate 1/2 of a Quest bar right before arriving, and then an hour later drank 24 ounces of Crystal Light and had a lunch of lentils and greek yogurt when I got back home - no headache!  The monitor that I'm replacing brought in donuts today to share for her last day, and I watched everyone else eat them without any cravings - Yay!  I love the honeymoon period.  Gotta train that brain. 

I have worn a pedometer both days, and found that I take 4000-5000 steps while working.  Needless to say, I no longer have problems getting in more than 10,000 steps a day! 

So I'm now 8 weeks post-op and really excited with how things are going.  I have lost 58 pounds so far (30 pre-op and 28 post) and my BMI has gone from 42.3 to 32.7!  My next big achievement is a while off - when I lose another 22 pounds I will no longer be considered obese.  Now that my weight loss is slowing a bit, I anticipate that will probably take a couple of months. So, I'm going to be looking forward to celebrating other benchmarks;  going down another size, being able to workout on a day I also work without burning out, feeling more comfortable eating in front of others... 

My son's first communion is 4/21 and we're going to go to brunch at First Watch afterwords.  For those of you who haven't been - First Watch only serves breakfast/ brunch/ lunch.  They have a lot of egg dishes, which is what I'll be sticking to.

My last entry I talked about ordering a dress a size smaller than I currently was for my friend's wedding reception.  The dress came in, and so I tried it on to see how far off I was.  Unfortunately, I got a reminder that just because I'm losing weight does not mean I can wear any style/ cut.  Being unusually top-heavy means I will not be wearing that dress - I would have to lose 4 inches in my bust.  In losing 60 pounds I have lost 3 1/2 inches in my bust - and I'm not planning on losing 60 more.  However, I did find another dress on sale from Lands End that I got at the bargain price of $6.99 that DOES fit and I will probably wear it to the reception, so things all worked out in the end!

Bariatric Betty - 5 weeks out, new totals, new job!

So today is day 36, and tomorrow I get to start trying transitional foods.  That means very small amounts of super-toasted bread products (the crunchier, the better) and things like a bite or two of iceberg lettuce.  Woo-hoo!  Chewing continues to become more and more important as I eat more things that won't just slide out the tiny opening in my stomach.  I've had several reminders to CHEW MORE like two unchewed lentils stuck together blocking that opening and causing pain and vomitting.  Once it was a shredded piece of cheese.  The new crunchier foods increase that risk if I don't chew well.  I continue to feel uneasy about eating in front of others outside my immediate family because of this, but I'll keep working through it.  My best friend was sweet enough to not only give me the entire menu for her wedding reception, but to tell me the restaurant that's catering it, so I can try things ahead of time if I want.  I'll still need to eat protein I pack, but I could at least taste some palak paneer!

So lots of good news this week.  As of today, I actually weigh the weight on my driver's license!  That is very exciting, and again makes me wonder why they don't actually have us stand on a scale (without our seeing the weight) that would automatically enter the weight in the computer at the DMV (and not put it on the driver's license for the world to see).  After all, if I had disappeared a year ago, they would have been looking for someone that weighed 52 pounds less than I did - how would that have helped them find me? I have actually imagined that heaven forbid I had been murdered and they found my body, them saying "Nope, this can't be that girl, she's much more obese."  HELLO - how many of the people getting license give their correct weight?  I'm guessing even those who have never been obese fudge a little.

Yup, 52 pounds!  My BMI has gone from 42.1 down to 33.9.  I'm losing 1 to 2 pounds a week, which is right on target for now.  It will slow further as I have less to lose.    I'm very excited about achieving my next goal - no longer being obese.  When my BMI gets to 29.9, I will be overweight, but not obese.  Celebrating being overweight sounds oxymoronic, but when you started out being Morbidly Obese, it's a real milestone. 

So yesterday I brought a pizza party to my son's classroom to celebrate his birthday.  I suggested that instead of cupcakes or cookies, because I figure by giving them a lunch of cheese pizza, grapes, and water they were probably eating the same number of calories they would normally get at lunch, but it felt like a huge treat.  The kids had a blast - and funny enough I didn't have the slightest craving for the pizza.  I didn't even want to lick my fingers as I plated all 24 servings.  I used to love pizza. 

So after lunch I stopped by to chat with the principal and let her know that I will be all healed up and off restrictions after our spring break, so if she needed anyone to sub as a monitor (watching the kids for lunch and recess) I would be available.  She had offered to hire me fulltime (2.5 hours a day M-F) last fall after I had applied as a sub, but I had told her that with the planned surgery I would be out a couple months in the winter/ spring, and didn't think it would be fair to them.  Her response was "How did you know?  Did you know?  That I just got two resignations this morning?  They're on my desk right now!"  So, I'm hired "fulltime" as of 4/16!  The pay isn't great, but I will only be working when my kids are in school, I'll have a really good idea of what's really going on in the elementary school, and hopefully I can help keep the peace.  Given my strong sense of fairness and sense that school should be a safe place for children, I hope neither the principal nor I regret this!

The interesting thing is I realize now that I probably couldn't have done this last fall when I applied.  You see, you constantly stand and walk for 2 1/2 hours.  While I was walking 2 miles a day, doing the elliptical for 1/2 hour (5 miles) and other active things, just standing for an hour used to make me sweat.  I remember volunteering at the bookfair and walking around a small room helping kids for 1 1/2 hours and being sweaty and exhausted.  Because when you are morbidly obese, your body works really hard just STANDING for a long period.  It was easier to do 5 miles on the elliptical than stand/ walk a little for 1 1/2 hours.  

So I'm going to start increasing the lengths or my walk with my dog now to make sure I build up my endurance a bit more before starting my job in April.  I know my body is totally different now, and I'm not as limited as I was, but I'm still obese and at my current approx. 600 calories a day, my energy level isn't sky high by any means.  At least I know I will be guaranteed a lot of walking (in addition to walking my dog) for the rest of the school year.  Once summer starts, I'm looking at starting Couch To 5k training with the whole family.  Now that will be interesting. 

Bariatric Betty and her BMI battle

Well, now that I know that I want to have my surgery at hospital C, I'm just waiting for the phone call from my assigned Personal Patient Advocate to start scheduling everything...

Meanwhile, I have been working on healthy changes at home.  It started out with a search for an elliptical at a bunch of garage sales.  That didn't pan out, but something else happened.  A neighbor offered me his Total Body Gym and treadmill for FREE.  I'm not a huge treadmill fan, and I think I'm lifting enough weight for the moment ;P but keeping my family, my future self, and the price in mind - I accepted.  Now I need to find some big strong guys who can help get it out of his basement into ours... (the current owner had a back injury/ surgery that prevents him from using, let alone moving them).  Then, after missing a great reconditioned elliptical at a Sears outlet by 1 hour, I decided to try out a bottom of the line basic model sold at Walmart for under $200.  My review - it works, as in it goes in an elliptical path and makes me sweat.  The console doesn't do great readouts (some of the numbers blink in and out of readability) but I can see how long I've been on it, and the resistance seems to work.  Given what I paid for it, I think that's pretty good.  I'm going to work on tightening the bolts to get rid of a thunking sound I hear every revolution.

So I've also cut down on snacking after dinner.  I used to have popcorn, or light fro-yo, or something after dinner.  Between our kids having their community sports gearing up and a concerted effort to distract myself most nights I'm not having dessert/ post dinner snacks.  I'm still walking at least a mile a day and now doing about 15 minutes a day on the elliptical (which sometimes says I have burned 144 calories doing it), and I have actually lost a few pounds in the last two weeks.  Now, my only concern is a strange one.  What if I lose enough weight that I'm no longer elligible for the surgery?

My BMI is 41, but in three more pounds lost it will be 40.  Currently I qualify for surgery by having a BMI over 40.  I will still qualify for surgery with a BMI 35-40 because of my co-morbidity of type II diabetes.  To drop under 35, I would need to lose 33 pounds from now.  Unlikely, but possibile.  Because I will be on a medically supervised diet for 90 days after my initial surgical consult, I should be continuing to lose weight.  I doubt I can lose 33 more pounds in that time period.  If I could, I wouldn't be considering this weight loss surgery.  The last time I lost 33 pounds it took me 5 months on a very restrictive nutrisystem diet.  So why am I worried?  I guess logically I'm not.  But it does seem strange that for some reason I wouldn't want to lose TOO much weight. 

The other part is that when I lose that much weight I haven't been successful at keeping it off.  I feel hungry all the time, and start thinking things like "why can everybody eat a piece of bread except me and I'm still obese?"  That's what I'm hoping will be taken care of by the surgery.  That I'll have a tool that lets me feel full - REALLY full, after eating just a small amount of bread, protein, vegetable, etc.  Then I won't want more.  A friend told me about a friend of theirs who had the surgery and for two years was religious about what they ate. After two years, he came into the breakroom and saw the every-present donuts and said "You know, I want a donut!"  So he cut a quarter of a donut off and ate it, smiled and said "OK, I'm full".  That's my dream.  Two years after surgery to be at a healthy weight, be able to have a couple bites of a dessert and say "OK, I'm done." 

Waiting for that phone call....