Bariatric Betty starts her new job, looks at her progress 8 weeks out

So I started my job as a monitor at the elementary school yesterday, and it's a lot of fun!  I work with Kindergarteners, 1st graders, and 3rd graders.  I knew several kids already from my neighborhood, and from volunteering with 2nd graders for math last year.  The first time I monitored recess I had four little Kindergarten girls taking turns holding my hands and "showing me" all over the playground.  The third grade recess is more along the lines of girl drama, i.e. "She used to be my friend, but now she says she's her best friend, not mine!"  The boys seem to be more rough and tumble at both ages, but then they're back to being friends again. 

I was hoping to have 2nd graders so I could see what happens during my son's recess, but at least I'll get to see him all next year.

My big concern was how my body would handle standing and walking around for 2 1/2 hours non-stop.  It used to be that just an hour or more of that used to cause me to sweat like I was working out.  I've lost almost 60 pounds, so I hoped I would be fine.  I'm happy to say it's literally "no sweat". :)   Not that I don't enjoy sitting down when I'm done - that feels lovely.  But, it doesn't feel like I'm exhausted. 

Yesterday I brought a Quest protein bar which I ate halfway through working, but had a headache by the time I got home.  This time, I ate 1/2 of a Quest bar right before arriving, and then an hour later drank 24 ounces of Crystal Light and had a lunch of lentils and greek yogurt when I got back home - no headache!  The monitor that I'm replacing brought in donuts today to share for her last day, and I watched everyone else eat them without any cravings - Yay!  I love the honeymoon period.  Gotta train that brain. 

I have worn a pedometer both days, and found that I take 4000-5000 steps while working.  Needless to say, I no longer have problems getting in more than 10,000 steps a day! 

So I'm now 8 weeks post-op and really excited with how things are going.  I have lost 58 pounds so far (30 pre-op and 28 post) and my BMI has gone from 42.3 to 32.7!  My next big achievement is a while off - when I lose another 22 pounds I will no longer be considered obese.  Now that my weight loss is slowing a bit, I anticipate that will probably take a couple of months. So, I'm going to be looking forward to celebrating other benchmarks;  going down another size, being able to workout on a day I also work without burning out, feeling more comfortable eating in front of others... 

My son's first communion is 4/21 and we're going to go to brunch at First Watch afterwords.  For those of you who haven't been - First Watch only serves breakfast/ brunch/ lunch.  They have a lot of egg dishes, which is what I'll be sticking to.

My last entry I talked about ordering a dress a size smaller than I currently was for my friend's wedding reception.  The dress came in, and so I tried it on to see how far off I was.  Unfortunately, I got a reminder that just because I'm losing weight does not mean I can wear any style/ cut.  Being unusually top-heavy means I will not be wearing that dress - I would have to lose 4 inches in my bust.  In losing 60 pounds I have lost 3 1/2 inches in my bust - and I'm not planning on losing 60 more.  However, I did find another dress on sale from Lands End that I got at the bargain price of $6.99 that DOES fit and I will probably wear it to the reception, so things all worked out in the end!

Bariatric Betty gets the blahs & considers Dolly Parton's wardrobe choices

No energy.  No drive.  I hate days like this.  I feel like I just ran a marathon or something yesterday and my body is recovering.  No such thing - I just walked the dog and mowed the lawn.  Today I forced myself to walk the dog for 20 minutes, ran a couple loads of laundry, and picked up a few things from the grocery store, but can't stop thinking about what I haven't done.  No strength training, no elliptical, no cleaning. 

Earlier this week I was doing great - I got to go to my first local WLS support group meeting and met several wonderful women.  They were super excited for me, and I loved having that jaw-dropping sensation of seeing their before pictures and then looking at them now.  They had good advice, and asked me all about myself and my plans.  It's hard to have a bad time when you have a room of women all wanting to get to know you.  I felt like I was going through sorority rush again :) 

I also took advantage of our Budget Bin sale - our suburb's PTA groups organize essentially a big community garage sale.  Most of it is consignment where the donors get half of the money back, and the other half goes to scholarships for graduating seniors.  On the last day of the sale they have Bag Day.  I paid $15 for three bags full of clothes.  About a third of them were potentially for me - pants in descending sizes (I'm currently an 18, so I bought 16s, 14s, 12s, and even two 10s).  I also got several tops and sweaters from Apartment 9, Jones New York, and Liz Claiborne (LOVE her).  Those I just got in Larges (I currently wear 2xl so that is a big difference).   Luckily, the support group ladies warned me that I will get cold (I am NEVER cold now) and that I will need things like sweaters.  I also got a Liz Claiborne coat.  Not bad for $5! 

It has been so long since I bought nice clothes.  It really struck me as I looked at the labels - I have been living in Target and Walmart's plus sections for the last couple years.  I've never been a fashionista, but these past couple years I just gave up.  You just can't FIND many beautiful clothes in plus sizes.  It's frustrating.  I would love to have flattering clothing.  With a style.  With structure.  Instead I end up wearing t-shirts and jeans, t-shirts and shorts, or (gasp) t-shirts and yoga/ workout pants.  Some department stores sell plus size clothing that looks OK on a plus size manequin, but when you try it on you realize it looked good on the manequin because the dummy has a flat stomach and is still only a size 12. 

Then I started thinking about what I will wear when I enter One-derland (under 200 lbs).  When I'm normal sized.  It started to be fun, until I remembered what it was like trying to find clothing when I was "normal" sized for a year by starving myself as a teenager.  At 115 pounds I was still a size 10 on the bottom, and a 14 on the top.  I have a hard time believing that I will get any smaller than that (although some of my new support group think I will).  But I remember trying to find clothing that was big enough on top and fit on the bottom that didn't make me look like a hooker.... it wasn't easy.  At one point my mom suggested I write Dolly Parton to ask where she gets her clothing.  NOT KIDDING.  Nobody in my family likes country music, or a lot of bling (remember the tie-dyed onesie?) - but that was the best my mom could come up with when we were looking for a prom dress.  Or when she told me that I shouldn't buy the sporty bikini "until I lost a few more pounds and firmed up my tummy".  

Well, those memories will always be there (and painful), but the thing I have to remember is that I'm not getting the surgery to fit into nice clothes.  And that even if I had the body for it, I wouldn't EVER wear a bikini in public at 41.  I'm doing it so I will no longer be diabetic.  So I will be healthy and live for a long time to watch my kids grow up into wonderful men like their father.  So I will energy to work and play more and enjoy life so much more.  I will now re-read this paragraph three times to fix it in my head...

The myth of the perfect body is just that.  I see and hear beautiful women stressing about parts of their body all the time.  Some women are larger on bottom.  Some are top heavy like myself.  Some have it equally distributed but no chest.  Some have broad shoulders.   The fact is that those airbrushed photos and body doubles in movies are toxic to people with poor body images.  Just this week I saw a tiny woman worrying about a little muffin top that you could barely see - and only when she sat down.  Um, everyone has a little something when they sit down - even models.  But to her, this is a very real concern.  She is dealing with having trouble getting a comfortable fit in clothing, and after losing over a hundred pounds she has a right to want to look good to herself.  Please God, let me accept myself and be pleased with how I look a year from now.  Even if I have batwings, deflated breasts and am not yet at goal.  I will keep my before pictures.  I will keep some of my before clothing.  I will remember where I have come from and say "I am in a better place."

I'm continuing to lose 1- 11/2 pounds a week, and MOST days I'm pretty active as well as adhering to the diet.    I'll shake of the blahs off tomorrow and be back to my normal positive self.  I hope I have less of these days when I am healthier.  Of course, I also hope by then I won't need medications for my depression any more - but I'll take that until a doctor tells me to stop.  Having a blah day is one thing, having non-functional days are another.