Lots of pics! Starting my first 5-day pouch test/ My 2nd Surgiversary/ My 2nd Triathalon

I haven't posted a new entry in a long time!  I started this one in February and finally am posting in April.  I think that I have been have a lot of negative old-way-of-thinking thoughts - things like "I'll write a post when I have something cool to write about".  But, that's not why I started this blog.  I started it to motivate myself.  I started it to explore what was going on in my head on this journey.  And I've learned that you can't wait for life to hand something to you, you have to go out and make things happen.  So, I did my second triathalon in spite of the negative self-talk that was spinning around in my head, and it helped turn me back around.  Without further ado, here's a long delayed update.

I can't believe I've just celebrated my second surgiversary!  It seems to have gone so quickly, but at the same time it feels like I've been living this new life forever (and that's a good thing).  I celebrated with my family, and having a date night with my husband :)  And, I decided to splurge and bought myself a Fitbit Flex.

This year has been harder than the first - when they say that honeymoon period ends and it gets harder, they're right!  Your cravings come back stronger - that head hunger that you've been battling is still there AND you actually can tolerate more food (and probably more carbs without dumping, but I'm trying not to find that out).  My weight has fluctuated a lot more in the last year.  I was at 142.8 the morning of my surgiversary, which is 0.2 pounds less than I was on my 1st surgiversary and seems to be a stable point (also below my original goal of 150 so it feels great).  However, I have been lighter (down to 140.6) and I have been heavier (up to 148).  What has changed?  1) I'm not jogging right now, although I just signed up for my favorite 5k - The Color Run in May!  2) Part has been the weather/ deep freeze in Ohio and getting a tiny little dog that can't handle the speed and distance of jogging, and part has been dealing with the physical symptoms of pelvic organ prolapse.  But, part of it is 3) being lazy, being at my goal, and not trying as hard.  I have lost some muscle tone, although my size has stayed pretty much the same.  This is due to decreased intake to balance the decrease in calories burned.

My eating has stayed very good for the most part. I usually eat the exact same breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day.  It is boring, but it helps me remember that I'm eating for fuel not fun and it makes sure that I'm eating things my pouch tolerates well.  Being vegetarian and post-WLS, there aren't that many appropriate entrees that my pouch tolerates. Sometimes I find myself eating something I shouldn't as I'm preparing food for my boys (a bite or two of pasta, a pretzel, etc).  And, when I see the scale heading up north of 144 I have a "eat CLEAN d*** it!" moment.  Sure enough, as soon as I start catching myself, the scale starts to head back down.  I have also recently started rewarding myself with my favorite water flavoring drops (Dasani pineapple coconut) in my evening water if I have done a good job staying clean for the day.  That's been a good incentive.

My labs have continued to come back wonderful.  My hemoglobin A1C (blood glucose over an extended period of time) = 5.1  Anything 6 or below is considered normal for non-diabetics, and below 7 is normal for diabetics, so I am definitely still in remission and plan on keeping it that way.  Getting rid of my diabetes was my #1 motivation for having the surgery, and I was blessed to be part of the 75% to go into remission.  It doesn't mean it can't come back though - so I must remain vigilant.

In general I feel great - lots of energy, lower needed doses of anti-depressants, enjoying my job and (most of the time) my kids.  I love having the feeling of control over my health.  It used to feel like my weight controlled me.  Now it feels like I can us my brain to control my health - although it still has moments of poor judgement.  It's very empowering.

I've got the Color Run 5k coming up! I'm going to do a refresher course of Couch 2 5k to get my race legs on.

I just completed my second indoor triathalon, and that felt great.  I almost bailed on it - I haven't been jogging and didn't know the date for it until 2 weeks before hand.  I was worried that I haven't been jogging, and didn't want to injure myself.  But you know what - that was all negative thinking.  The fact is, nobody was going to force me to jog if I wasn't able to.  Nobody was going to make me finish it if I didn't want to.  Plenty of people just walk the track instead of jogging.  In other words, I needed to stop making excuses and just do my best.

I had a little bug a week before hand, and my husband was very nervous about me doing the race, but I reassured him I was back to normal and wouldn't push too hard.  To me, I realized that I can not let myself make excuses that allow me to be sedentary.  Races are motivating for me, and I enjoy the social aspects.

Here are some pics from the day:

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Last year I won the gold medal for my age group - but that was only because I was THE ONLY WOMAN 40-49!!!  I enjoyed the medal, don't get me wrong, but I would rather lose and have competition.  This year my age group was the most competitive - I had 4 other women in my age group!  I'm proud to say I came in second!

So this is a great reminder to all of us not to let our own self doubts, or negative self-talk stop us from trying to do our best.  Did I run as far in 20 minutes as last year?  No, but it was very close.  And, it turns out I was able to swim, bike, and run farther than a lot of other people so I got a medal!  Most of all, I got a reminder that I am fit, and have good abilities from my daily living, even without really training.

As a psychological reboot, I'm starting my first ever 5-day pouch test tonight with the beginning of Passover.  The idea of a 5-day pouch test is that you re-boot your mind and your pouch sensitivity by reproducing the eating plan you went through right after surgery, only compressed to 5 days.  For the first 2 days, you drink fluids only.  Protein shakes, water, crystal light... The third and fourth day you eat pureed soft foods.  And the fifth day you eat regular food again.  It's to help you remember how to use your pouch as a tool, to think of food as fuel, and reconnect you to your commitment that you've made.  I had been thinking of doing it every year on my surgiversary but a family crisis made that difficult this year.  So I thought that Passover would be a good time - after all, I should be unleavened all year round, but the idea of making a sacrifice, much as people do for lent, seemed to align with the concepts of Passover.  Pushing through, doing what you need to do, walking towards freedom and your future, finding strength and renewing faith...  I'll let you know how it goes!

Bariatric Betty's Try-it-athlon

My 1st Triathlon "ink"

Wow.  Triathlons are EXHAUSTING.  I know, big shock, right?  I went into this with my eyes open, and with some helpful advice from my husband (a former triathlete).  Paraphrasing here: "Be prepared that when you go from the swimming to the biking you legs feel awful, because your arms have been getting most of the blood flow.  Then when you go from the bike to the run it's even worse, because your legs feel all floppy."  OK, so why did you enjoy doing triathlons again?  No seriously, I was lucky to have his advice, because otherwise I could imagine I might have thought I was having serious neurological issues.  This was a mini-triathlon - I ended up swimming about 1/2 mile in the 15 minute swim, rode 7.75 miles in the 20 minute bike, and ran 2 miles in the 20 minute run.  The run I'm very proud of, because I usually jog an 11 minute mile, so I was really pushing myself to run that fast after the bike and swim!  Even more tiring at times, however, was the mental exercise. 

Backing up - I have not done a lot of athletic competitions in my life, mostly because I've never been very good at them.  Since I had bariatric surgery this has changed - I have a lot more confidence to compete and enjoy it, even if I'm not going to win.  As an overweight child I was on a swimming team, a diving team, and a community league soccer team (no tournaments or chances for ribbons/ medals trophies).  The swim team practice was fun for a while, until we start having our meets.  I loved swimming and getting faster/ better. 

Then came our first big meet.  I was a good distance swimmer, but not particularly fast.  Definitely not one of the superstars of our team.  Still, I hoped to place third or second at some meets that year, and maybe the next year I would be even faster.  I really enjoyed swimming with my friends, and I loved the fact that we got to eat candy Ring Pops in between our races to keep our energy up.  I was supposed to compete in freestyle (the 400 I think) and breaststroke (probably the 200).  I might have been in some team medly races as well, doing free, breast, or backstroke.  The one thing I couldn't master for the life of me was the butterfly.  I understood the principal, but couldn't get the timing/ coordination down. 

So, the meet is about to start and my coach pulls me over.  He wants me to swim the 100 butterfly.  "But Coach, I can't swim butterfly."  "Yes," explained the coach "but one of our guys who was going to swim this race isn't here, and I don't want to leave an empty lane.  And I don't want to tire out my best swimmers by adding another race to their meet."  In other words, because he didn't want to have an empty lane, he was perfectly happy to put me in a race I couldn't even do and not mind tiring me out before the races I had a slim chance of placing in.  Yeah, that worked out well.  I felt humiliated as I fumbled through two lengths of quasi-butterfly, finishing far after everyone else.  And then I was exhausted and came in last for my original races (granted, that might have happened regardless).  Needless to say, swim team was no longer fun.  I had learned how much value the coach placed on me (a negligible place holder) and found going to meets embarrassing and humiliating. 

Fast forward to yesterday when I was swimming in the triathlon.  My first thought as I was starting was actually for the woman sharing the lane with me - she had mentioned she "wasn't much of a swimmer" before we started and seeing her start I realized she was not being falsely modest.  I was worried about her making it through the swim, but luckily we were in a shallow enough lane that she could stand up at any point and be ok.  All of the sudden, I realize that I'm in my first swimming race since that swim team year.  Whoa.  My life is totally different now.  I'm a grown woman, healthy weight, and strong.  Nobody is making me do anything.  I realize I don't have to be competing against anyone in the pool with me - I can compete with myself, trying to do the best I can, which might just be finishing the race.  Then, I realize that I actually am swimming faster than at least a couple of people in the race.  My lane partner, for one.  She has stopped several times and stood up to catch her breath.  And a guy a couple people over.  Huh.  Still, I keep swimming and just try to focus on myself.  My breathing, my stroke, hit the flip turn, glide and kick, my breathing...etc.  And after a minute or two everything settles down.  I'm just swimming laps, like I always do.  And 15 minutes isn't a long swim for me.  I realize that if I take it easy (I don't want to push to hard at swimming since I have two other events to come) I will finish the swim and feel good, this doesn't have to feel stressful.  And suddenly, it's not. 

I finished the swim feeling good.  Got changed quickly and went into the gym where the spinning bikes had been preset to our personalized settings.  Everything felt good.  I haven't been biking or spinning in the last year or so, so this was going to be my weakest event.  Again, I didn't want to wear myself out before the run, so I wasn't going to push myself too hard.  Great news - they had music (140 bpm, good for spinning) and I just got into it.  I was singing along a little, definitely keeping loose while I was riding.  My legs didn't feel bad, so my husband's warning seemed to have been for naught.  I was able to drink 24 ounces while I was biking, so hydration wasn't a problem. You know how I've got no padding left around my tailbone?  Well, that's true for everywhere a spinning bike seat hits, too. ;)  Of course, even when I was morbidly obese those things were still uncomfortable!   Anyway, I held my speed at around 105 rpm, and felt great.  Just started to break a sweat at the end of the 20 minutes.  Then they blew the whistle and I hopped off the bike, looking forward to the run and being able to push myself more.  I took one step, and....

Ohhhhhh boy!  Have you ever been on a boat for hours or days and then stepped on to dry land, only to feel like you're off balance/ the land is moving?  That's the best way I can explain trying to walk after the bike.  My legs felt rubbery, and my hips were all kinds-of-whacked-out.  I only had 5 minutes to get up to the track and I knew I NEEDED to stretch out.

Climbing the stairs to the track, I felt my hamstrings tighten up to the point it hurt.  Yup, gonna be doing stretches until it starts, just hope it loosens up... and it did.  I won't say stretching felt good, it hurt, but I was able to run without pain when the whistle blew.  Now my family started cheering me on - that felt fantastic!  "Go, Mom!"  "You're doing great, honey!" "We're so proud of you!".   My assigned lap-counter even started cheering me on; "You've got this, Becky!".  It's the last event, I don't have to hold anything in reserve, so while I paced myself for the first 18 minutes, for the last 2 minutes I ran as fast as I could.  When the whistle blew I had gone a half of a lap further than I had imagined I could in that amount of time!  Yay, me :) 

It took a minute to catch my breath, and I was sweating!  It's been a while since jogging two miles made me sweat (barring beastly hot weather).  I ate a bite of a banana to make sure I had a little carb boost until lunch time, went home, showered, made lunch and the rested.  My whole body was exhausted for the rest of the day.  My body was still a little sore Monday, but not bad.  I can't wait to find out my overall score/ placement.  Next year, I want to beat it!

This weekend I'm doing the Cleveland Clinic Healthy Solon 5k.  A bunch of the members of my local support group are going to do the 1 mile walk.  I'm so excited that so many of us will be there.  We've even got someone coming in from one of my facebook WLS groups that I've never met in person before.  Eileen, can't wait to meet you!  Pictures to follow (like you didn't guess that, right?)!

Bariatric Betty's 1st surgiversary! Pics, measurements, and excitement

Yesterday I celebrated my first surgiversary - and it was AWESOME!  My day started off with my husband, 12 year-old and 9 year-old having me sit on a bizarre contraption.  My husband had balanced a pillow on top of a folded folding chair, on top of an upholstered storage unit.  Then he took the chair legs, one son took the chair back, and the other one grabbed the chair side behind me and they lifted me up!  I felt like there should be trumpets playing - or maybe Hava Nagila ;)!

I don't have a picture of that - everybody in the house with opposing thumbs was involved and I didn't know to get my camera set up with a timer!  I did try to take a picture of me "planking" sideways while they held me up later (I was trying to copy something I'd seen someone else do) and could have gotten us on America's Funniest Home Videos if we had been taping...  Also, word of advice to WLS patients who might think that sounds good - loose skin hanging sideways in a picture is NOT your friend.  So... this is a picture of two of them presenting me with roses later on :)

 

My family has been such a support to me during my journey, and I have great confidence they will continue to be.  Here's a picture of me one year ago:

 

 

 My family stood by me then, and they stand by me now.  They understand I can't let my social interactions revolve around food.  And when we do eat out together, they try to find places I'm comfortable to eat.  All day I kept thinking about "a year ago I was in pre-op right now, a year ago I was coming out of surgery, a year ago I was talking my first walk..."  It was very emotional. 

Here's another thing that was emotional for me to do.  Make a new composite.  This is 3 months pre-op, 1 month post op, 4 months post-op, 6 months post-op, 1 year post-op.

Now for some hard figures to spell it out.  My highest weight was 243.3 pounds.  On my surgiversary I was 143 even, just over 100 pounds lost.  In the picture on the left, my weight was 237.  Here is a comparison of measurements from 3 months pre-op to today:

 

                     November 2011                2/16/2013           Inches lost

Waist            45.3 inches                      33 inches               12.3

Hips            46.5 inches                      34.5 inches               12

Chest band         41.3 inches                   33.3 inches             8  

Thigh            24 inches                     18.8 inches                 5.2

Bicep              16 inches                      11 inches                  5

Total inches lost 43.5!  I didn't measure my neck, but I can guess I lost at least 6 inches there as well.  Insane. 

Volunteering at a school event that required standing for an hour used to leave me sweating like a pig.  Now I run 5ks. 

I used to be diabetic, taking oral meds and insulin injections 4 times a day.  My diabetes was reversed the day of surgery, and now my only concern is my Reactive Hypoglycemia, which I can avoid. 

I am still being treated for depression, but my meds have been cut in half.

I now have enough energy to work outside the home, at my son's elementary school. 

I no longer need to take naps to make it through the day (although occasionally I will take one for fun)!

My biggest change is one my husband helped me realize at about 4 months post-op.  He came down one morning, looked at me and got very concerned.  "Are you OK?  Is something wrong?"  "No, why?" I replied.  "You're not smiling.  You ALWAYS smile now.  I haven't seen you not smiling since your surgery!"  It's true, I'm a much happier person now.  I still get upset occasionally, the kids can still get on my nerves, and I can still have grumpy days, but for the most part I'm very happy.  I feel like I've got everything I have ever really wanted.  Loving friends and family, a safe home, being appreciated at work, and being healthy. 

This is GREAT, but now comes the hard part.  My sense of hunger is coming back.  My pouch can hold more than it used to.  There won't be much more changes in my measurements.  My weight is stable +/- 2 pounds daily.  I am going to keep trying to get my body fat percentage down a bit, but as it will be replaced by muscle, it won't show up on the scale.  The compliments will decrease as more and more people get used to seeing me, or never knew the bigger me.  I have to keep working the program, eating according to the rules, exercising the same - or I will regain.  My calorie consumption will need to stay about 1200 calories a day at my current activity level.  I dump, so I will not be able to indulge in carbs without getting sick - and that's a good thing. 

I will eat to live, not live to eat.  I will find ways to treat myself that don't have anything to do with food - like yesterday.  I was properly fitted for new bras by a pro named Nancy at Nordstrom's.  My 4 new bras cost over $300, but I'm going to be wearing the heck out of them so I know I'll get at least 100 wears out of each, and they do EVERYTHING I needed them to do, plus - they're PRETTY.  People who have never been obese might not know but it is very hard to find a really supportive and comfortable bra size 44DD/EE.  Forget about it being attractive.   It was hard to swallow that bill yesterday, but it was harder to swallow the similarly ones for bras that looked awful. 

My next treat will be getting my rings re-sized.  I have been winding medical tape around them to keep them from falling off.  It will take a while to save up for it, because I'm going to incorporate some stones from other rings (my 10th anniversary and my late mother-in-law's ring) as well. 

It comes down to making the right choices every day.  Most days I do really well, but some days I don't.  I recently read Al Roker's "Never Goin' Back" and feel the same way.  This will never be "over", but I will never go "back" either.  It is worth everything to be here for my family longer, and be able to enjoy life more.  I give thanks to my family, friends, surgeon, and God for this second chance at life.  Forward!
 

Bariatric Betty, Centurion, has a long week

It's for real this time.  After I stepped on the scale and it read 143.4 pounds this morning I didn't get excited.  I stepped off and let it recalibrate - because it's faked me out before.  Three times later, I believe it.  I have lost 100 pounds!  My BMI is down to 25.9 from it's high of 43.2.  So, today isn't really that different than every other day that I work the program, and nothing changes other than how I'll answer people when they ask how much I've lost and my new nickname for myself.  Centurion.  Wikipedia says it was a professional officer who commanded sometimes 100, but more often 60 - 80 soldiers.  I'm in command of my body, and I've discharged 100 pounds that were not fit for service.  :)

This is not to say the road has been easy.  Last Friday I had an epic fail - my first dump from knowingly eating something I shouldn't.  Damn glaze.

Like everyone else, the news from New Town hit me hard - especially because I work in an elementary school and I couldn't help thinking of all of "my kids" as well as my sons in such a tragedy.  So I thought I was handling it well when my first thing I did after work was take my dog for a 2 mile walk.  Then my 3rd grader son got off the school bus and told me he got in trouble for telling a friend he was "going to beat the crap out of" him.  What?!?  My first response to him was "I'm just happy you're home safe - give me a hug".  But then I spent the next couple hours talking with him about why "using your words" doesn't include threatening someone.  About how some children are not as lucky as him and come from homes where they get hit - sometimes so badly that they can't live with their parents anymore.  That while he knows he wouldn't actually beat someone up, that doesn't mean that anybody else should believe that.  I prepared my husband for the possibility that he could be suspended for threatening a student.  I prepared my son for that possibility as well, explaining that if anybody threatened him I would want them to have serious consequences.  The teacher gave some consequences and defused the situation, but she would still need to involve the principal, and we wouldn't know the outcome until this week.  Then we talked about his consequences at home.  After lengthy conversation, we decided that we would try to focus on something positive and use his saved allowance for December to go shopping for Toys for Tots on Saturday.  He picked out a toy that he hopes to get for Christmas himself and paid for it.  Then he put it in the donation box and we talked about how that was going to help a kid less fortunate than him have a happier Christmas. 

Back to Friday night, and I was finishing some cookies for a coworker.  Cookies that get dipped in glaze.  I licked my fingers, and then started scooping up the drops of glaze that dripped of the drying cookies.  About 2 tablespoons later, my stomach started to feel bad.  I threw out the rest of the glaze as soon as the cookies were finished, but the damage was done.  I had to call my 12 year old in to finish making dinner while I crawled into bed.  Owwwwwwwww.  My moaning scared the heck out of my husband when he got home.  I felt nauseous as well, but there was nothing to throw up - the thick sugar water had been absorbed and I was blessed to dump.  So that's how I celebrated the 7th night of Hanukkah - being thankful for the small miracle of dumping.  My guilt over my husband having to jump in to take care of the kids while I recovered was significant.  And then he came and talked to me.  He told me that he knew I got a lot out of baking, and that I seem to do really well controlling my intake except for when I get glaze all over my fingers...  He made me a wonderful offer.  From now on, when I make the cookies with glaze, he said HE will glaze them for me.  How cool is that?  Not only is he going to help me keep making healthy choices and enjoy my hobby, now he is going to turn something that I really enjoy doing into something every better - because he is going to do it with me!  I'm so excited!  I won't be making any more until next November/ December, but now we have a plan and I'm really looking forward to it.  His idea gave me control over this ever happening again.  I'm so lucky to have him as my husband. 

Of course, having a plan for cookie baking doesn't take care of the emotions that come with the death of innocent children.  We decided that our whole family should try to look for opportunities for random acts of kindness for the next 20 days.  So far we've donated some toys, given away closer parking spots, helped a stranger find something and opened numerous doors for others.  Last year we helped pay off someone's layaway, and we'll probably look into doing that again this year.  I'll keep looking for ways to help others, be grateful for the health and safety of my family, and keep working the program. 

Speaking of work, my job has shifted again.  I'm now working the same hours but instead of being a monitor for kindergarten, 1st, and 3rdd graders during lunch and recess daily I'm working with two special needs kids (one kindergartener, one 4th grader).  They both have significant issues that require 1-on-1 attention and help eating.  Some parts of this are very fulfilling, other parts are not - like chasing after them when they bolt/ have a tantrum.  Or yesterday when the 4th grader bit my arm (luckily not breaking the skin) hard enough that it's still sore with bruising today.  The main down sides are that (except for running after them if they bolt) I don't get my extra 5000 steps in walking around like I ued to checking in on all of the kids, and I also don't have the chance to help kids with the jungle of playground drama issues they have to figure out as they get older.  My major accomplishment this week is that I've gotten my kindergartner ward to actually eat most of his lunch without running away screaming 4 days in a row.  That's huge. 

When I see kids struggling whether with special needs like autism, or behavioral issues, or just normal growing pains ("...she said she was my friend, but now she says she's not!") I want to help.  It's easier and more fun when it's helping kids be better friends than helping someone toilet or eat.  But, in both cases I feel like I'm having a positive impact on others even if I don't feel it every day.  That's something I need to feel in my life - even if they're not able to verbalize "thank you".  Luckily, my bosses have reacted positively to my request for more training so I know how to handle physical outburst more safely for both the kid and myself in the future!

My son ended up working with the school psychologist on a social story/ plan on what to do when he gets angry, which I sincerely appreciate.  While part of me wishes they had given some additional punitive conequences so he understood how seriously the schools take threatening to beat someone up, I'm glad they took the opportunity to help him figure out how to deal with tough situations in the future.  When he was first diagnosed with developmental delays and a speech disorder, we never guessed that he would be ABLE to speak well enough to get in trouble for verbally threatening someone.  So I guess as long as he has learned never to do that again, maybe I should think of this whole thing as a reminder of how lucky we are. 

Christmas is around the corner (we're an interfaith family, so we celebrate a lot of holidays) and my boys are excited.  My third grader sent a letter to Santa in his elf's backpack last night (taping it closed to make sure it didn't fall out on the trip - so cute!), and I've been handing out packages of Christmas cookies to teachers and coworkers. I pray that the holidays find all of you with your loved ones, safe and healthy, warm and thankful for your own blessings.  Heaven knows I'm thankful for mine, most of which are in the picture below.

 

Bariatric Betty - Swimsuit Edition, 9 mo. post-op

OK, I'm feeling brave.  Still scared, but I figure if I can't share these pics here, where can I show them???

In January, after I had lost 25 pounds pre-op, my family went on a vacation to Kalahari Resort (a wonderful indoor waterpark).  I was wearing size 18/20 swimsuits then, and on our second day I asked my family to take some "before" pictures of me.  They weren't pretty.  I didn't expect they would be, but I wanted to document how I looked before surgery, and the swimsuit shots sure did that.  I didn't know if I would ever show these pictures to anyone, but figured if I did, it would be when I was at goal, and accompanied by new pictures of me in a smaller swimsuit. 

Fast forward 10 months.  I'm 9 months post-op and at my goal give or take a few pounds.  Finding swimsuits has gotten harder as I have lost weight, because my lower torso has lost weight and sizes quicker than my upper torso.  I have been wearing tankinis with different sized tops and bottoms to make sure that the bottoms wouldn't fall off and the tops would cover the girls.  Still, as my sizes have continued to change, I have had to go through several different suits to keep keep it that way.  After my most recent swim resulted in the girls starting to float up out of the top while I finished laps, I decided I had to do something drastic. 

I looked online for an athletic-cut suit that would provide decent support, would be a one piece, and would have a high enough neck that my chest would stay contained and compressed into place.  Given it being a one piece, the size would be tricky - my top is currently a 14/16 and my bottom is an 8.  I decided to forgo the skirt.  I have sagging extra skin on my thighs and below my rear, but that is what it is.  I wanted this swimsuit to swim laps with - not lounging by the pool.  When summer comes, I'll get a sarong or something. 

I found a swimsuit on amazon.com by Aquasphere that seemed to fit the bill.  Higher neck, clip around the back like a bra, chlorine resistant... I was just worried about the fit.  After looking at the size chart several times I decided to try a size 10.  Any bigger and the leg holes would show way more than leg, any smaller and I knew the girls wouldn't fit.  Thank goodness they are a lot more compressable now!  It came in today and worked surprisingly well.  ***Unsolicited recommendation for other WLS women out there - the cut on this suit covers a lot of excess skin that other swimsuits don't. 

I showed it to my husband and kids and they all gave it the thumbs up.  My husband pointed out that the kids could now really see the extra skin on my legs and stuff, but that "Mommy's not embarassed about that, and that's cool."  I reinforced it saying "Yeah, it's kind of like having a scar after being shot - you're grateful to have survived and don't mind people noticing because it's a reminder that you survived.  All my fat got too small for my skin."  The kids kind of nodded and said "Yeah, it's nice." with prompting.  I started thinking maybe it was time to take the "after" pics but wasn't sure.   My husband thought I should just wear it around the house for the rest of the evening!  Hah!  I decided to go change.

I was on my way upstairs when someone rang the doorbell and without thinking I opened the door.  That poor election volunteer!  I'm sure she didn't expect to have a middle-aged woman wearing a swimsuit open up the door on an October evening in Ohio.  Oh, well.  I apologized and answered her questions.  When I closed the door I thought - well, if I can have a conversation with a total stranger in this swimsuit, I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be.  So here we are; front and side views of before and after surgery.

 

 

I've lost over 70 pounds since the first picture was taken (I don't have a full length picture of myself in a swimsuit at my heaviest - but I think I'm grateful for that).  I've lost over 10 inches around my waist, 10 inches around my chest, even 5 inches from my thighs, 3 inches off my biceps and one cup size.  Whew.  Thanks for sharing this journey with me.  It's not over by any means - I will be working to continue to maintain my weight loss and improve my health (mental and physical) for the rest of my life.  And I'm so grateful to have this blog and my supportive readers.