Saturday, February 11, 2012

Bariatric Betty 5 days before Surgery

So, here it comes.  The big day is less than a week away, and I'm tying up lose ends.  I've labeled where lots of things are kept in the house for the benefit of my family and my mom who will be coming over to help for 5 days.  I've done extra grocery shopping, made lists of food suggestions that the kids like, written down how they like things prepared.  I've written just-in-case notes to my husband, kids, and sent emails to the kids' teachers letting them know what is happening just in case they see behavior changes in the kids because of anxiety or anything.  I'm continuing to go over the plans for the day before surgery (now called "Poop Day" by my boys), surgery, discharge, and when I first get home with everyone.  I've bought all of the suggested post-op supplies and meds the bariatric center suggested and set up my little "liquid protein station" complete with shakes, whey powders, blender, and a sieve.  I've bought some books I'm looking forward to reading on my kindle.  I've set up some post-op playdates for the kids. 

All of that stuff is logical and healthy.  Now here's the other side - I've been enjoying my farewells to carbs. In the last week I've had a small serving of ice cream and a medium size fro-yo.  I've been choosing my meals to include some of my favorites that I won't eat the same again (or modified for a long time) - pasta, pizza, calzones, eggplant paremesean, and big salads (OK, that's a healthy one, but still).  I haven't been binging or going outside my calorie allowances, but my total carbs per day have definitely gone up.  My blood sugar is still fine.  But it's still part of giving up loving to eat to become healthy - the mind change that I have to make that the scapel doesn't touch.  I've asked my son to let me make chocolate chip cookies for his birthday in March instead of the cake balls he wanted - because I hate chocolate chip cookes, and love cake balls, and don't want to be faced with temptation too early.

I think that in all my previous diets there was this feeling that "after I make goal I can eat like a normal person again" and a big difference here is that I am choosing that I will never be normal, and I'm OK with that.  That it's worth it.  That this change will be permanent.  That I will NEVER get an ice cream cone again.  Not because I couldn't, but because I will choose to follow the RULES, and the RULES say no liquid calories.  Will I ever indulge in a taste of something?  Yes, but not for the first or maybe even second year and then it will be something solid so it gives me statiety.  I've heard from the vets and know that the more you let carbs in, the harder it is.  So I'm going to think like I did when I was feeding my kids their first solid foods.  Start with vegetables not fruits. Focus on protein.  It's easier to like fruits, so hold off on them until later.  I want to re-program my taste buds during my honeymoon period.  I would LOVE it if I no longer wanted chewy bread and pizza crusts, or sweet/ salty carbs.  So I will stay away from them.  Protein and fluids, protein and fluids....

I wonder what things I might enjoy post-op when I can eat normal food that I don't like now.  Could I learn to like squash or cooked cauliflower?  Kale?  Tomato soup?  I wonder what size I will be in 6 months.  In a year.  I pray that I will no longer be diabetic by the time I am discharged.

We're planning an extended family trip to Williamsburg, VA in a few months, and I gingerly explained to my parents that I won't be comfortable eating with some of their friends who live nearby at that point.  They totally heard me and said they understand that my dietary restrictions will be tough and that I will still be working through what stays down and what won't (which could change on any given day).  They also made sure that the place we're staying at is a condo with a full kitchen, so I don't have to depend on food from a restaurant.  I have to say, my parents are being really supportive.  My mom has totally taken my request for positive-only comments to heart, and has become my biggest cheerleader (well, maybe second to my husband). 

I've also been getting a lot of support online from my WLS surgery friends - which means so much.  My traditional friends have been taking me out, writing me emails of encouragment, and offering to help with the kids - which is all VERY much appreciated.  But my WLS friends know where I am because they've been there, and they know where I'm going.  They are able to handle my panicky questions, like "If I dump after surgery from having too much carbs, I'll have pretty much have the same symptoms as when I become hypoglycemic as a diabetic - but I won't go into a coma and die, like I could now, RIGHT?"  They know my personal brand of crazy, because they've have it to.  It's still there, just in remission.

Everyone has a different story, a different outcome.  All I know is that whatever my best possible outcome is will only happen if I do the best following my surgeon's guidelines.  I trust my surgeon, and I trust God.  How I use this tool, this gift, is up to me.

No comments:

Post a Comment